SESSION 42: Run Away! (25FEB17)
After basking, and counting, in the glory of the new-found horde it was time to get the swag back to base. Ding-We was at deaths door and Saffron was getting intolerable in her agitation to the situation. Nevertheless, the gang needed some rest first. The new day was greeted by the distant echo of hammering from somewhere in the labyrinth.
Retreat! Its tactical, we ain’t cowards!
This revelation was attenuated by the screams of folks running for their lives. Moving down some unexplored corridors towards the common entrance our group stumbled upon the freshly mutilated corpses of tomb-robbers. Were they part of the horde that we met? That we heard? One and the same? It’s tough to say, tomb-robbers all look the same... Our hobos were on a mission though and didn’t even loot the corpses just kept pressing on for the exit hatch.
Not much later they reached the hole in the sky. Bunny levitated up to check the surroundings. It was safe in the mound but she found the source of the hammering that had been going all morning. The ever-present fog obscured details but it seemed to be a large host of looters that were using some sort of bovine man-beasts of burden for some part of a mound excavation. The rest of the party cautiously and quietly made their way out of Barrowmaze. An invisible Saffron then did some recon. She reported back that it was indeed some treasure hunters 400’ away, about 30 of them. They were using minotaurs for the labour while the bosses whipped and watched for trouble.
Our hobos sat down to figure a plan of action. It was decided a distraction and sneak attack was the way to go with the fog providing an excellent advantage. During this time something occurred, a great bovine commotion, it sounded like one of the beasts had collapsed and the other was flying into a rage. Instant distraction within the target area. Time to do this. They slunk out of the mound towards the vile looters. A phantasmal image created the appearance of approaching giant scorpions from the opposite side. This lured away the grunts just leaving the management group trying to get control of their beasts. Bunny disappeared into the fog, setting up behind the leaders that were atop of the mound. It was Bertrand’s Brigands, our hobos had seen these mercenaries in Helix. It seems that Bertand had decided to branch out from his normal types of activity. I guess with all the goods coming into Helix from Barrowmaze one might be tempted to try their hand at treasure hunting. The party was now almost on top of Bertrand’s group. Calvin cast sleep and it was potent, dropping almost all of the grunts. Raul cast another to clean up the scraps and Marr dropped a stinking cloud on Bertrand, his wizard and a cleric of Thorr! This left just four underlings standing. They dropped the minotaur leashes and ran for their lives into the fog. There was no counter, the ambush carried out with excellence. Bertrand and the cleric pulled themselves and the wizard from the cloud then proceeding to vomit explosively. Victory to the hobos.
What happened next was an expression of evil not seen before. As Bertrand groveled for quarter, the cleric had his skull bashed in, the mage was exterminated, at least one sleeping grunt had his throat slit and then Bertrand was beaten unconscious. He would never wake a sword made certain of that. Turning their attention to the minotaurs it became clear that one had perished and the other was close to doing the same. Aid was administered. Even in its weakened and distressed state it was quickly apparent that this was a noble and intelligent creature. Saffron knew this all along. It’s, his, name was Akercocke a victim of slavery many times over. Sold from one whip to another, gladiator, guard, pack animal, tomb-breaker. He was gracious for his freedom and yet harboured no hate for Bertrand and his people, “It is the way of the world, but now I have broken free from the wheel”. I must seek solitude to bury my companion and make sure the spirits of our elders are present for her journey beyond. For most of the party this was difficult to discern, broken common and moos and stuff. Carla on the other hand understood it completely, “I guess the clothes really do make the person” adjusting her new found crown. Thanks dead king Osric. Akercocke said he owed our “noble” hobos a debt of gratitude that would not be forgotten. He then lifted his fallen companion and disappeared into the mists. Yes, he did not really see what happened around him. If he had things may have been different.
Our band stood before a largely opened barrowmound just requiring a handful more hammer blows to make a functional entrance. Into the pit they went, got jumped by a wight and then were attacked by the floor. This netted some more treasure. They returned to the surface. It may have been shame bubbling up cant say for certain but they decided to stash their murder victims in the barrow.
“Look the wight killed all deez guyz”
Saffron awoke the rest with a dousing of water once the party had departed.
Making their way back through the swamp all was quiet. Until. They came across two mops with buckets stuck in some brambles. It actually turned out to be two kobolds in matching grey aprons with their smiling faces on them, Jermaine and Bret but you can call him Butt-Weet. They were good little fellows simply looking for a dungeon to keep clean. Their previous place of employment had been obliterated. Our hobos did them a solid, after sharing that Barrowmaze was run by the dead, handed them some coin and said now you work for us come this way. J&B aren’t ones to say no to a paying gig, they fell into line and sang a little tune to get them all to Helix on a bright note.
The humans are dead
We used poisonous gases
And we poisoned their asses
The humans are dead. The humans are dead
The humans are dead. They look like they’re dead
It had to be done. I’ll just confirm that they’re dead
So that we could have fun. Affirmative. I poked one.
It was dead…
(Flight of the Conchords, 2008)
It was rather catchy and morbid, a perfect theme tune for a horde of murderhobos. They would need this joviality as things were about to sour a bit more.
Returning to Helix, they went straight to their barracks. Osen, the guildmaster, was there to greet them.
“Bad news lads, your free room and board is winding down”
“Oh… your wizard friend doesn’t look good at all, and that smell bodes ill”
“I will gather the priest of Ygg with haste”
They entered their domicile, dropped the treasure, set Ding-We onto his bed and then J&B began cleaning, much like the useful kobolds they are. This was when Brule shared his need for some time off. The horror has been mounting for him and has become a burden on his soul. He wanted to step away and take care of some things. Firstly he wanted to return Torvik’s goods to his family and inform them of his death. So he collected the items a went straight to bed. A few sweeps later Brother Othar rushed in. He examined Ding-We’s festering and pulverized leg. We must remove it as soon as possible before gangrene sets in. Out came the bone saw and off came the leg, just below the kneecap. After this situation was settled the rest of the horde decided just to have a quiet night around a fire while reading runic tablets…
In her distressed state due to Neck-Balls being in a coma and loosing a leg Saffron did something she would not have normally done. She read a tablet. It did not go over well. As it crumbled to dust in her hands she looked up and saw the hobos for the first time through sane eyes, it scared the frogs out of her. She sprung to the air to escape the monsters before her to return to the forest and other fey creatures where the Queen of Ribbits belongs. The party watched. It was with great fortune that the gods looked down on our dumb bunch and planted a thought.
She is never coming back.
I’m outta spells, me too…
Check your pouches you fools!
Oh, hey look I got this wand of paralysis.
Ugh.. How have they lived so long?
And so some hay penny pointed the wand at Saffron and hit her with a blast. She plummeted from the sky bouncing off the ground in a bloody mess. They stuffed her in a bag a decided to go drinking. Carousing always makes things go better. Off to the Brazen Strumpet they went.
After a bit of negotiating with the innkeeper Bollo they hired out J&B to take on janitorial duties. Then the mayhem ensued. The ale and wine and spirits and gods know what else flowed with abandon. Arnd found some weird chicks and ended up table dancing for them. Bunny picked a fight with the ugliest mother fuckers she could find. Carla and Rahgnar learned many great secrets but alas they became only faded memories with the coming of dawn. Marr disappeared only to find himself stark naked in the temple of Ygg the following morning being poked with a broom by under-cleric Cella, whom was not all that upset. The rest of them made it through the night forgetting for awhile the horrors of Barrowmaze that have become commonplace.
ROLECALL
Carla the Green Canon of TMB (C6) 32095 xp +10% <50001> CRT 1d12/III
Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm
Bimbles the Canon of GSS (C6) 30033 xp +5% <50001> CRT 1d12/III
Hobo Steve the Swashbuckler (F5) 28064 xp +5% (101) <32501> CRT 1d24/V
Rahgnar the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 23712 xp <35001> CRT 1d20/IV
Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)
Raul the Wayfarer (MD5) 25533 xp <30000> CRT 1d20/II
Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, Removed one of his own nostrils.
Calvin the Bold Architect (MM5) 22115 xp <22400> CRT 1d12/III
Serious wound: permanent loss of INT -1
Boris the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 26710 xp <35001> CRT 1d20/IV
Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face
Bunny the Filcher (T6) 25141 xp <40001> CRT 1d24/II
Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY5) 33926 <65001> CRT 1d12/II
Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen
The Henchmen
Mar the Buffoon (J4) 19320 <20000> CRT 1d16/II
Arnd Cobblestone the Dwarven Hero (D3) 6251 <8751>
Brule Armstrong the Swordsman (F3) 4978 xp <8125>
RESERVES
Ding-We the Thaumaturgist (W5) 31255 xp +5% <40001> CRT 1d10/I
Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated
REMAINING RECUPERATION: 28 DAYS
Mighty Yord the Slayer (B3) 10801 <16251> CRT 1d14/III
Mighty Nord the Slayer (B3) 11714 <16251> CRT 1d14/III
Hrolga the Violent Vixen Amazon (CC4) +1338+526+512 CRT 1d16/IV
Ramrod the Burglar (T5) 18060 xp +5% <20001> CRT 1d20/II
Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)
Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp
Missing six teeth talks with a lisp
REMAINING RECUPERATION: 3 DAYS
Sloth the Charger (L4) 11989 <16800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s,m)
REMAINING RECUPERATION: 3 DAYS
Lenardo the Technician (S5) 15059 xp <25000> CRT 1d10/I
Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand
REMAINING RECUPERATION: 3 DAYS
Elapsed Campaign Time
95 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation)
Join us for session forty-two when we ask the questions:
I wonder how things will be without a “real” wizard?
What do we do next?
Does Bertrand now have orphaned children?
Tale of the Tape
Ding-We no longer has three legs
Calvin will be limping for a bit after being punched in the kneecap by a golem
Boris may wise up
KILLS
Wight
Flagstone golems (4)
Bertrand’s Brigands
LOOT
531 cp
156 sp
37 ep
90 gp
Small ruby
Opal med
Emerald large
Gold w/ Sapphire necklace
Amethyst gems (9)
Silver Earrings
Nice Silver dagger
Exceptional Mace (Screaming Skull)
20 arrows +1
Potion of ??? (smells like men; take that as you will I care not)
Ring of ???
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