Wednesday, 29 April 2026

To The Gulch We Go (Session 333)

SESSION 333: What Ho, Dry Gulch-oh! 

Time for the final leg of the journey. 

 

Day 849 Continued (12.24 0407/ 11.24 0407): Still cloudy. Carla finished up the field services and the gang got the caravan rolling once more. Pressed on the remainder of the day with no interactions.

 

Day 850 (11.24 0407 à 9.25 0407): Mild rain all day. Early afternoon tracks were noted in the mud. A sizable group of apes, or big monkey-man-like-things had moved down the road for a half mile before crossing over and heading Northish into the bush. The gang rode on for a few more hours before camping.

 

Day 851 (9.25 0407 à 7.26 0705): Rains persisted from the previous day. Now the road was getting mucky. Notably slowing down travel. The distraction of constantly keeping the wagon from getting stuck was a very useful way to lay the ground work for an ambush. Late afternoon in a particularly muddy low spot a sizable orc war party awaited our arrival hiding in the bushes flanking both sides of the road. The hobos were perforated with two large volleys of arrows from the orc horde that exceeded fifty. Even when well armored shear volume gets the job done. We were bleeding before we had drawn a blade. Carla saw an opportunity to unleash an insect plague upon half the beastman host. They were demoralized and easily nuked by a fireball from Chung-Li. The other half had engaged with our fighters, trying to overrun with superior numbers. BoB used her elevation atop the wagon to systematically snipe orc after orc, each shot a kill. The orcs were not long for this world but give them credit, they got their hits in and a couple of the bosses escaped to seek vengeance another day. The pay was marginal – thanks Orcs! The remainder of the day was simply fighting the muddy road.

 

Day 852 (7.26 0705 à 6.27 0706): Cloudy. The road was a soupy mess even though the rains had stopped. Travel was greatly reduced but at least the day was uneventful. However, the evening brought a surprise. A roving manticore caught site of our camp and decided to assess the probability of an easy meal.


From the darkness it launched volley after volley of tail spikes making a mess of things. We never saw it though, tricky bugger it was. As quickly as it had attacked it was gone, not to be lured into direct combat. Perhaps on another day.

 

Day 853 (6.27 à Dry Gulch): Cloudy as we transitioned out of the Basilisk Hills into the plains of Zelaia. In the distance lay Dry Gulch. 

Dry Gulch is nestled in a crescent of grassy hill country. The flat land at the base of the hills in this hex is all cultivated farmland, and more people live and cultivate crops outside of the town proper than live within. There are no rivers and only a few smaller creeks that gradually wend their way south, but the hex is blessed with a number of springs, and warm, moist air blowing up from the Silver Sea to the south ensures that this location sees plenty of rain. 

A single road — the remnants of the Royal Road that once ran east to Liwil and west to Irmar (the capital city of the Skeldrenes, now in ruins) — runs through Dry Gulch. The western branch runs south of the ruins of Irmar (in Hex 54.46) and on to Layge. Trade between Dry Gulch and Layge is frequent, with caravans making the journey weekly, giving the ruins of Irmar a wide berth; trade between Dry Gulch and Liwil (see Basilisk Hills Hexcrawl) is less frequent, with caravans traveling between the two roughly every other month. These eastward caravans will no doubt grow more frequent with the discovery of large gold deposits near Liwil, and the gradual re-opening of trade routes further east. 

 

The CR-Team: Carla, Dolec Da, Charles in Charge, Chung-Li, Lady Versamage, Boris, Katre, Biff & BoB

 


ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 384033 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 382525 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 25 teeth (7 remaining), drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

 

The Henchmen

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO8) 127113 <MAX> +5% CRT 1d14/II

‘BoB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 89220 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Charles in Charge the Champion (F7) 91388 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 85075 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Chung-Li the Elven Champion Sorcerer (E7) 140215 xp <250000> +10% CRT 1d8/II

Lady Versamage Knight Errant (K6) 66802 xp <85000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Katre Elf-Girl and Swordsman Conjuror (E4) 16959 xp <32000> +0% CRT 1d8/II

 

RESERVES

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman - Recovering from death (yet again) 

Elapsed Campaign Time (start of session)

841 – Bimbles-Team (16.23 The Doom of Cthedrak)

849 – Carla-Team (12.24/0407 Road to Dry Gulch)   

Domain Days

Gormandia: 11 (Start 838)

Bunnland:?doing something or the other?

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Thirty-Four when we ask the questions:

What’s going on with Team Bimbles?

Or maybe, what opportunity does the Gulch hold for our empire builders?

Or howabouts, what murder lurks in the dark corners of Dry Gulch?

Or could it be, what mysteries do the lands west of the Basilisk Hills hold?

Or just possibly, where the heck is the Land of a Thousand Towers?

Tale of the Tape

Not much to say on this front.

KILLS

Orcs (51)

LOOT

Gems small assorted (30) 10 gp = 300 gp

Sunday, 19 April 2026

Glitch (Session 332)

SESSION 332: Retreat, Regroup, Retry  

Rush Rammers corpse back to Gormandia for raising. Add some hobos to the mission and then try again. We will get to Dry Gulch…well hopefully.

 

Day 843 (10.25 0506à12.24 0307): Clear. Ramrod was dead. Again. Four times lucky now. It was time to b-line back to base. The retreat went sorta smoother. Attacked by a horde of giant wasps but the bugs could not get their rhythm against a foul noxious cloud of arcane farts well undermining the insectoid attack force. That night there was howling of some sort of canid species likely within a couple of miles of the camp. 

 

Day 844 (12.24 0307 àLiwil): The following cloudy day they encountered a brigand crossing. The twenty plus of them had things to attend to and just wanted to cross the road. Carla struggled with not causing a situation to arise. 

Moving along they made it back to Liwil for the evening of the second day. A dry royal road really does make a difference.

 

Day 845 - 847 (LiwilàGormandia): After overnighting at the fortified town they were greeted by a grim portent. The skies were a vivid purple. Like I said, definitely grim. They travelled on to Gormandia nevertheless. It took a coupb le of days to rally the replacement/supplemental troops and correct Ramrod’s absence of mortality for the fourth time.

 

Day 848 (GormandiaàLiwilà13.23 0407): Greeted by moderate rains our ‘caravan of traders’ set out once more for Liwil and beyond. This time they made it a day and a quarter before being ambushed. 

 

Day 849 (13.23 0407à12.24 0407):A dumb-butt hill giant spearheading a gaggle of even dumbner ogres. It seems that the mooks of Winter continue not to have fallen back to their homelands. The fight was a bit of a mess as the goons got the jump on our hobos. The ogres were able to surround much of the gang as the giant lobbed boulders. 


Katre doused an ogre in burning oil but it did not stop it from shattering Versamage’s femur, killing her horse and then leaving her pinned underneath. 


        STUPID IMAGES NO UPLOAD!

“Imma gunna smash yu now horse. Nutin pershunal just bidnass”

 

Charles suffered a similar fate when a mighty club blow broke his shield arm and then finished his mount. He was a piss away from death. Chung-Li and Katre raced in to prevent another mortality on this road.

And then Dolec went into a kill frenzy, leaving him with Sloth and Steve level acuity for the next few days –“It waz tots…sumptin’ it”, came from our gore covered hero.

It seems that we needed more training, well any training, in mounted combat. Carla was knocked from her perch atop the wagon. Hitting the mud and then getting a pummeling. The giant kept throwing boulders. Things then began to tip in the favour of our hobos as Boris began carving through ogres. Dolec was able to neutralize his opponents without losing his mount allowing him to charge the giant. BoB followed up his attack with an exceptionally well placed arrow to the base of the lumbering mook’s skull. The hill giant was done and the table was fully turned. With Charles covered the rest of the tea were able to mop up the remaining ogres without any difficulties. 

Whew. 

Carla had some work to address the abundance of notable injuries. At least we had not wasted a day yet. Only half of it.

 

 

The CR-Team: Carla, Dolec Da, Charles in Charge, Chung-Li, Lady Versamage, Boris, Katre, Biff & BoB

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 384033 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 382525 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 25 teeth (7 remaining), drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

 

 

The Henchmen

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO8) 127113 <MAX> +5% CRT 1d14/II

‘BoB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 89220 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Charles in Charge the Champion (F7) 91388 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 85075 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Chung-Li the Elven Champion Sorcerer (E7) 140215 xp <250000> +10% CRT 1d8/II

Lady Versamage Knight Errant (K6) 66802 xp <85000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Katre Elf-Girl and Swordsman Conjuror (E4) 16959 xp <32000> +0% CRT 1d8/II

 

RESERVES

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman - Recovering from death (yet again) 


Elapsed Campaign Time (start of session)

841 – Bimbles-Team (16.23 The Doom of Cthedrak)

843 – Carla-Team (10.25/0506 Road to Dry Gulch)   

Domain Days

Gormandia: 5 (Start 838)

Bunnland:?doing something or the other?

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Thirty-Three when we ask the questions:

How the hell do merchants make this trip?

Are we a monster magnet?

Will we get to Dry Gulch without a mortality?

What is are Bimbles & Raul up to?


Tale of the Tape

Charles the ‘living picture’ sniffed his mortality.

Varsamage did not fair to much better.

Poor horses, two dead.


KILLS

Giant wasps (14) 1750

Hill Giant 650

Ogres (10) 1250


LOOT

15,000 gp

Harvested 4 wasp stingers

17,000 sp

18000, cp

Jewelry (4): 700,800,900,1000 = 3400 gp

Gems (4): 50,500,10,50 = 610 gp

Thursday, 1 January 2026

Once More on the Murder Highway (Session 331)

SESSION 331: The Road to Dry Gulch 

Meanwhile back in the homelands (not really that far away).

Let’s pretend to be a caravan so we can be ambushed.

 

Day 838: Clear. A caravan was assembled in Gormandia. They made their way to Liwil to supply up but Carla and Rammer were held up by Hewtim Frid (advisor and wizard to the senior knight Baldicar Ma) and extorted for dinner. This was in exchange for some background information on Dry Gulch and the lands surrounding Liwil. It didn’t come cheap, Hewtim was well aware of the depths of MurderHobos Incorporated pockets. 

It was likely worth it….

 

“This knowledge has been passed onto me in no small part from the wandering sage Todd of the Third Kingdom. Let the account begin… with a lovely fortified wine, a port from the somewhat distant Hob”.

 

It is the beginning of the Sixteenth Cycle of recorded history. There have been many civilizations that have risen and fallen, some of Men, some of others. Absalom (the lands we now call home presumed possibly to be a thousand leagues northeast of Denethix) is dominated by Cycles, each lasting between two to four hundred years. Each Cycle is divided into an Apex – when Law holds sway – and a Nadir – when Chaos sweeps over the lands, driving back the light of Civilization. 

Cycles are marked in the beginning by the Apex and ascent of Law, and the end by the Nadir. During each Apex the civilizations of Man do their best to expand their domains and bring law to the land; these civilizations often shrink, or even crumble, during the Nadirs as barbarians, beastmen, and worse fall upon the kingdoms of Man. 

 

Stretching from the Basilisk Hills in the east to the Zaric Desert in the west, and bounded to the north by the Zelaia Steppes and to the south by the Tonath Mountains, the plains were once home to a sprawling empire that collapsed — not the quick death of conquest, but the slow, drawn-out demise of irrelevance — during the nadir of the Seventh Cycle, a period known to historians as the Long Night. A Cycle later, in the east, the Skeldrene Empire would rise, growing to straddle east and west. The once wealthy cities that dotted the fertile Zelaia Plains withdrew behind walls and into isolation, becoming independent city-states that maintained a loose alliance known as the Confederacy. 

 

“Onto Dry Gulch. Our eyes now look west into the Zelaia Plains, this will take nice bottle perhaps the very rare, at least in these parts, Shala zinfandel…delicious. Now where we? Oh yes..”.

 

Dry Gulch is, in the current day, a teeming, growing settlement. Gold has once again been found in the Basilisk Hills, and the dawn of the Apex of the 16th Cycle promises to be one of prosperity and expansion. To the east, across the Hills, the port town of Hob — once the crossroads of transcontinental trade routes of old — is growing once again with the founding of the port of Deepwater to the south and the reopening of trade in the Silver Sea. Hob is also a gateway to the growing Scarlet Principalities to the north, and their unceasing hunger for mineral wealth. To the west, the various independent city-states of the Zelaia Confederacy are once again expanding their reach and re-establishing trade routes that had lain fallow during the last Nadir. 

The plains stretch out westward from the Basilisk Hills. On the southern edge, the Tala Hills divide plains from sea, while to the north the Vysoky Mountain range looms above the fertile,
and largely fallow, fields. The nearest settlement of any note west of Dry Gulch is Layge. Located at the confluence of two large rivers that combine and flow further south to the Silver Sea, Layge is one of the largest and most powerful citystates in the Zelaia Confederacy, and is
currently Dry Gulch’s largest trading partner, at least until the nascent trade routes east stabilize and are made safe. 

 

“That would be your job just like filling my glass once more”.

 

Even so, travel between Layge and Dry Gulch is not without danger; in
addition to the ever-present threat of the various monsters that roam the plains, the Redfoot Gang, a collection of brigands and bandits and cutthroats, make raids upon merchant caravans from their hidden base somewhere in the Vysoky mountains, and control their own trade route of illicit and stolen goods that end up in the markets of the Scarlet Principalities.

 

Dry Gulch is nestled in a crescent of grassy hill country. The flat land at the base of the hills is all cultivated farmland, and more people live and cultivate crops outside of the town proper than live within. There are no rivers and only a few smaller creeks that gradually wend their way south, but the area is blessed with a number of springs, and warm, moist air blowing up from the Silver Sea to the south ensures that this location sees plenty of rain. 

 

There is but a single road — the remnants of the Royal Road that connects us to Dry Gulch. The road goes west from there to Irmar the once capital city of the Skeldrenes, now in ruins. From there the western branch runs south of the ruins of Irmar and on to Layge. Trade between Dry Gulch and Layge is frequent, with caravans making the journey weekly, giving the ruins of Irmar a wide berth; trade between Dry Gulch and Liwil is less frequent, with caravans traveling between the two roughly every other month. These eastward caravans will no doubt grow more frequent with the discovery of large gold deposits near Liwil, and the gradual re-opening of trade routes further east as you lot claim more and more lands under your banner.

 

“The wine and roast were excellent but now done just like my story. On behalf of the Basilisk Knights we thank you for your patronage and may your endeavours be fruitful. I would not complain if we could indulge in more fine luxury from the east and south. Class dismissed”, Hewtim then wandered back to the keep to retire.

 

Day 839 (14.23à13.23 0506): Drizzle. Time to set off. Wagons ho! It was a mostly uneventful day plunking along what little was left of the ‘Royal road’ of the Skeldrane. A pack of jackals were noted observing our passing but they did not do anything to elicit anything. At the end of day as they began setting camp another encounter occurred. Four humans lightly dressed, tall lean and athletic came a calling. Curious and somewhat aloof. Marginally interested in our actual activities but since they were feeling lazy would happily take some fresh meat of our hands. They were disappointed none was available and that our travels would not part with a horse. “Oh well…It always tastes better after a hunt”, they then slunk with great speed and certainty out of sight. Carla was left uncomfortable with the encounter but they did not return.


Day 840 & 841 (13.23à10.25 0805): Clear. The rutted road decided to get mushy to help slow down the already close to ponderous travel. Aside from muck and stuff all was pleasant. 


Day 842 (10.25 0805à0506): Clear. They were making good time and the possible distractions were few. If all went well they would surpass the halfway mark of the journey. Something obviously needed to transpire. 

A chain of events occurred to gobble up the day.

First a hawk was sighted circling a mile or so north of the road. “Definitely a portent”, claimed the exceptionally bored Ramrod. Then Chun-Li’s eagle-elf-eye spotted a very slender plume of smoke trying to pretend to be a bit of cloud. Had they discovered the elusive Redfoot Gang? Only one way to find out. Rammer lead BoB and Biff on a stealth expedition. It took about an hour and a half but they found the camp (10.25-0505). It was not brigands. “Rats”, hissed Biff. BoB said nothing. Rammer concurred with the half-orc. After watching the camp for a half hour or so they double-timed there sneak back to the road. 

“Green girl yous not gonna ta’ like thisss”, drooled the ever lispy Ramrod.

A hunting camp. Definitely not the brigands we were looking for. Two frost giants along with their eight (yes eight!) pet polar bears. It looked like they were slow to decommission, lots of animal skins and meat hanging about, and return to their frozen homelands. They knew the giants had to be addressed. The team suited up as Carla but a rather large glyph of protection around their horses and caravan. Rammer then lead them to the giants. They were able to close in to about 140 yards distance before they engaged. Luckily the camp had a strong stink and the bears did not ‘catch wind’ of our hobos.  

They started with an aerial bombardment (including a wasp bolt from Dolec, that severed the spine of one bear and completely distracted another) then Carla pulled a handful of sticks from her side turning them into snakes as Chung-Li caused all the plants around the cutting edge of the camp to infill greatly to create a difficult barrier to traverse. The giants replied with boulders but their aim was not great. The remaining six bears launched into the overgrown shrubbery and found themselves horribly entangled. As combat progressed the gang found themselves a little too far away. Even with Chung-Li letting loose a bolt of electricity Carla and her snakes became ineffectual and sooner or later a boulder would splat someone and the bears were closing in. Just before the ursine could charge the final gap we had some luck (before misery of course). BoB the juggernaut of missile fire dropped the first giant. This caused that weird sense of heroism that periodically bubbles up in Ramrod’s soul to make an appearance. Hero Rammer activated his magic ring to dimensionally step behind the remaining giant. Perfect positioning followed by an exceptionally weak delivery. The giant turned around as it brought forth its equivalently sized axe. Rammer raised his off arm in a pathetic attempt to block. Bones shattered and the axe hewed deep into his chest. “Oh fuck..I made a big mistake”. Around the same time the hornet addled bear, still in the camp, got it’s wits back and launched at our bloody mess of a thief. Mighty blow! Mighty Blow! Bear chomp!

Rammer was, as stated above, a mess. The rest of our gang were now tangled up with five irate polar bears he was on his own.

Run away!

Rammer went into full retreat. He escaped the giant, shortly before BoB and Chung-Li were able to finish it off with a ranged barrage. The bear however had gotten a taste of our limpy and lispy thief and pursued at full speed.  

Wham!

Ramrod flew into a tree before hitting the ground. The bear was on top of him in an instant and simply pummeled him into paste. Ramrod ceased to be. Returning once more to death’s embrace. The rest of the fight only lasted a handful more seconds but alas those were too many to save the creep. 


                                                What Ramrod visualized. 

                                                 Not a real representation of how things actually played out. 

                                                  He is such a (dead) dreamer.

 

They did not dilly dally. Daylight was waning. Giant sacks were grabbed along with the mushy Ramrod pulp then they pushed hard back to the road before another misery befell them.


 

The CR-Team: Carla, Ramrod, Dolec Da, Charles in Charge, Chung-Li, Biff & BoB

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 384033 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T9) 189706 xp +5% <280001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

The Henchmen

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO8) 127113 <MAX> +5% CRT 1d14/II

‘BoB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 89220 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Charles in Charge the Champion (F7) 91388 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 85075 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Chung-Li the Elven Champion Sorcerer (E7) 140215 xp <250000> +10% CRT 1d8/II

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

840 – BR-Team (16.23 The Doom of Cthedrak)

838 – CR-Team (14.23 Gormandia)

Domain Days

Gormandia: 2 (Start 838)

Bunnland:?

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Thirty-Two when we ask the questions:

Retreat or press on?

Will Rammer survive a fourth(?) raising?

Who were those four searchers of fresh meat?

Has anybody been watching us?

Tale of the Tape

Things ain’t so fine no mo’. Ramrod sundered and shredded by a giant and his bear 

Giants, they pay great but jeez it don’t come easy

 

KILLS

Frost Giants (2) 

Polar Bears (8) 

LOOT

10,000 gp

Undefined additional giant loot…