The Hunters Become the Hunted (Session 26)

 SESSION 26: Burnt Bridge (25 July 16)

            Common sense has won the moment; we will not be pursuing those two evil chicks. Instead the party decides to go back to the lair indulge in the lavish meal and then press on in search of the exit. Going south they find four doors that lead to four dimensional portals that lead to four keys to unlock the exits four locks. Seems straight forward…

            After much time deliberating the idgits finally decide to enter the Happy Hunting Grounds in search of the first “key”. They are on a wooded hill overlooking a quaint looking village. Deciding to have a cold camp here the party rests up and gives poor old Grunk the boot. “Nobody wants a bugbear in their town”, horribly species-ist but Grunk thinks this new dimension is way better than the maze. Down to the village they strolled. Its celebration day for tomorrow is the hunt! The townsfolk are joyous and pleasant. Our group spends the day roaming and trading. All is well.

            Until. Later that evening as they prepare to bed down a cryptic message is slid under the door. Informing our Hobos that not only are they the guests of honor they are the hunt and should make a hasty and unseen escape. The usual comical plotting occurs until they eventually actually look at their surroundings and realize escape is a quick and easy hop out the window. They get a mile or so out of town before the alarm is raised. The hunt is on!

            They use their bag of big animals and magic whistle to send a triumvirate of dire beasts to delay the pursuers and then push on double time. After much arguing as to the “true meaning” of the note they leave the road and plunge into an orchard. Coming face to face with six mounted nights whom demand a toll. Hobos despise parting with treasure. Battle ensued; magic whistle broke the ranks as steeds were given counter directions and this assured victory. It came at a cost though, the hunting party was much closer. Grabbing a few easy items they then ran. Saffron was sent up to scout and returned quickly with bad news. The hunting party had not only BIG doggies but birds as well, “GIANT mother fucking dick hole eagles, I aint going back up there!” Even though she is stone cold nuts she aint stoopid, she leaves that to her companions. Except for Ding-We, her super bestest piss-in-a-bucket-with-holes-and-drink-the-foam super friend! They ran some more and probably argued the whole way but I had long since stopped listening.

            “A bridge!”

            “We can trap it good!”

            “Hehehehehehehe”

I could go into details regarding the sneaky little plan that was put in motion, but Im rushing this so just be happy in knowing it was a good plan. Our party setup on the far side and awaited the adversaries. All hell broke loose. Fire, webs and controlled beasts diminished the Hunters down to the three primaries: 

            Lord Strausburry, Master of the Hunt

            Master Vulpine

            Jauson Ovar’s Champion Huntsman

This left us at a standoff as the hunters were forced to tactical retreat. Thus affording our Hobos the chance to press on ahead to hopefully beat the hunters to the final goal…

 

ROLECALL

 

Carla the Green Prefect of TMB (C5) 14892 xp +10% <25001>

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Ding-We the Theurgist (W4) 14552 xp +5% <20001>

Bimbles the Prefect of GSS (C5) 14075 xp +5%  <25001>

Hobo Steve the Hero (F4) 12460 xp +5% (101) <16251>

Rahgnar the Dwarven Hero (D4) 9259 xp  <17501>

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

 

Raul the Hobo (MD4) 10930 xp <15000>

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, Removed one of his own  nostrils.

Calvin the Bold Organizer (MM4) 7412 xp <11200>

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of INT -1

Lenardo the Professor (S4) 6733 xp <12000>

                        Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

Boris the Dwarven Hero (D4) 10507 xp <17501>

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face   

Bunny the Burglar (T4) 9538 xp <10001>

  

            The Henchmen

Mighty Yord the Slayer (B3) 8425 <16251>

Mighty Nord the Slayer (B3) 9338 <16251>

Sloth the Brute (L3) 5448 <8400>

Grunk the Hobgoblin

Mar the Jester

Hrolga the Amazon

Rufus the Marginally Friendly Dire Wolverine

 

RESERVES

Saffron the Mad fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY4) 16785 <32501>

                        Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

Ramrod the Burglar (T5) 11069 xp  +5% <20001>

                         Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

                        Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp

                        Missing six teeth talks with a lisp Elapsed Campaign Time

60.5 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation)

Join us for session twenty-seven when we ask the questions:

When are we gonna gain these goddamn levels?

Tale of the Tape

Rufus took a nasty wound to his muzzle from a giant eagle but kept on killing.

KILLS 

Evil Toll Knights (6)

Dire Wolves (3)

Huntsman

Giant Eagles (3)

ShadowHawks (6)

LOOT

Traded for a big chunk of jade and a meaty ruby

Longswords (2)

Lance

Trapped! (Session 25)

 SESSION 25: Our Lives are Like Water… (12 July 16)

            Roasted badger, yum. Where we quickly discover that giant wolverines just want to kill and the one that talks to animals should be the one to blow the magic whistle. Carla had a new friend and Rufus is his name and eating is his aim. After some clarification we believe that we have domesticated the dire beast. The previous beastmaster’s legs probably assisted in the matter. And so our wayward band elected to push on. Right into a horde of bugbears, likely led to the door by the released Grunk and Spunk. 

“Sorry dudes, bugbears do as bugbears do”

Much bloody combat ensued. Good fortune shined on Grunk as he went down early due to Ding-We’s sleep spell and avoided sword stickery. After the slaughter our hobos gave Grunk a shake to break the spell.

“I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in this life and would be happy to join if it meant escape from the maze and livin’ a bit longer”

Needless to say Grunk was more than willing to sign on and live. As hobo luck would have the combat attracted the attention of a trio of hook horrors, whom love lady meat, more bloody combat ensued. The hobos trudged on.

            Their path led then to Pynyk’s trap-aganza art gallery. I could go one about the poor choices that followed even when they all knew this was a fancy gallery of death. Let us just ask one question. Why push the buttons Ramrod, why? Invisible and comatose he is so the answer may not be forthcoming. Bimbles strapped the unseen but smoldering body onto his back. They eventually pressed on and discovered Mar the Jester, after being ambushed by a grotesque mandrill and a gaggle of baboons. During which time Hobo Steve finally, I mean FINALLY, displayed the true power of a fighters drop and chop power. Mar was another captive of the maze trying to stay above ground, so to speak. 

            Moving on, really that is what they did. Another teleportation corridor was discovered. This dropped the hobos into Zulg the Oracles palace of meditation. He told them some junk and they backtracked through to teleportation corridor to find themselves back in the stone golems room. Some time later they got themselves back to the initial teleportation corridor and went “south”.  This led to King Olvar’s harem. Three very attractive and very chained women under what appeared to be the very watchful eye of three very large eunuchs with even larger scimitars. Utterly ignoring the eunuchs very clear “fuck-off now” stance we had even more bloody combat. Our hobos being ever oblivious of their dwindling resources continued to taunt death. When the smoke cleared, the party was a bit bloodier and victorious. Our vagrants were graciously thanked by the “captive” women and were released from their chains. Not that they all needed it… the honey pot was opened.  Veerdra the dark beauty and the leader recalled how she had heard story of escape to be found around the art gallery. This was all bullshit but our gang is only ever skeptical at the wrong time. Their ranks swelled further and back to the gallery they went. 

            Unlike our wayward band Mar is trying his best to stay alive. This prompted him to mention that he had a “really bad feeling about this” to Ding-We. As expected from this crew Ding-We become skeptical of the jesters allegiance. Unable to determine things through normal channels DW dug out one of his hidden spoils, a potion of ESP. Well let me tell you this painted a completely different picture in his rotten little mind. A vampire and a lycanthrope were in their midst and they were moist with the anticipation of murder and mayhem. This also moistened DW a bit as he peed himself, just a little, at the prospect of his imminent death. Again into his robes he went fishing for an answer. Shrinky dink was nowhere to be found and so he subtly quaffed his potion of undead control. 

“Hopefully this does mix poorly in me ole gulliver” 

As luck had it Veerdra was too busy dreaming of death to note this action. Then she fell under the power of the potion. Cryenna the weretigress noted a change in her companions disposition realized the jig was up, transformed into her hybrid state and launched into the party. It is now that we learn that some lycanthropes have superior defenses, that Sloth is under the control of Veerdra and even though she is friendly with Ding-We she ain’t gonna help the party kill her “sister”. The battle began tipping in the hobo’s favour and this seemed to be the ideal time for our two evil ladies to make their exit, leaving behind their thrall Hrolga the Amazon. They transformed into animals and launched down the teleportation corridor. Leaving our hobo’s eating dust and contemplating pursuit….

 ROLECALL

Carla the Green Prefect of TMB (C5) 14284 xp +10% <25001>

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Ding-We the Theurgist (W4) 13944 xp +5% <20001>

Bimbles the Prefect of GSS (C5) 13467 xp +5%  <25001>

Hobo Steve the Hero (F4) 11852 xp +5% (101) <16251>

Rahgnar the Dwarven Swordmaster (D3) 8651 xp  <8751>

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

 Raul the Hobo (MD4) 10322 xp <15000>

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, Removed one of his own nostrils.

Calvin the Bold Organizer (MM4) 6804 xp <11200>

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of INT -1

Lenardo the Professor (S4) 6125 xp <xxxx>

                        Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

Boris the Dwarven Hero (D4) 9899 xp <17501>

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

Ramrod the Burglar (T4) 9961 xp  +5% <10001>

                         Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

                        Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp

                        Missing six teeth talks with a lisp      

Bunny the Burglar (T4) 8930 xp <10001>

            The Henchmen

Mighty Yord the Warrior (B2) 8121 <8125>

Mighty Nord the Slayer (B3) 9034 <16251>

Sloth the Brute (L3) 5144 <8400>

 

RESERVES

Saffron the Mad fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY4) 16785 <32501>

Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

Elapsed Campaign Time

60 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation)

Join us for session twenty-six when we ask the questions:

No treasure and many wounds should we follow them chicks?

Where is the exit? Really where is the exit!?!

Tale of the Tape

Ramrod is beaten by his own hubris. Comatose and burnt, the latter of which was glossed over since he is invisible.

KILLS 

Bugbears (14) 

Hook horrors (3) 

Grotesque Mandrill 

Baboons (15) 

Vampire spawn eunuchs (3) 

Veerdra the Vamp (ESCAPED) 

Creyanna the weretigress (ESCAPED) 

LOOT

Red amber salamander statue 1”

3 nasty looking scimitars

Punishment for Failure (Session 24)

 SESSION 24: Bring the right equipment (7 JUL 16)

 

            Dry those tears we are murderhobos not princesses. The rats are gone but there is more treasure to warm our little hearts. Deeper down we went discovering a collapsing ceiling trap before any squishing and then coming face-to-face with a wicked minotaur brandishing Ripper an extra nasty two-handed sword. Ground beef he became and further into the cavern system they went. Ambushed by a pair of giant tuatara lizards and then the realized that they may be fast approaching the rumored dragon lair. 

“Perhaps we don’t want to face a dragon”

“Sloth loves dragons!”

“Yes, yes we are sure you do. We will get you one for Crizzlespast”

“Yaaaaaa”

With that our band began making their way back to the city surface to rest and regroup. As they made their way out of the worms lair the temperature began plunging. Sending up Ramrod and Bunny to investigate they realized that natural subterranean caverns are hella dark.

“Do you see anything?”

“Nope its all dark”

The temperature continued to plunge. As they entered the cavern of the owlbears they spotted the regrouped Zomb-Trogs coming from the east and four cloaked entities with strange staves standing to the west. Then hell broke loose. Trogs surged to attack, Ding-we let loose a fireball at the cloaked figures and Carla called upon her deity to disperse the shambling dead. Swords and things went flying one of the cloaked figures fell, as an empty cloak.

“You strike me down but I shall return more powerful than you can imagine”

The remaining figures opened their maws that stretched out of their cowls and they began to emit colours and then a vortex began sucking the party one by one out of this existence. 

            They awoke somewhere else. In a corridor apon the very comfortable red carpet that covered the floor. Top shelf floor covering it was.  Disoriented and confused they decided to rest and gather their thoughts. Prisoners of the maze they have become and searching for the escape began. They encountered a brutal respawning chaos knight whom would have turned Ramrod’s face into a jellied mess if he had not been wearing a helmet, he still lost six teeth and now speaks with a lisp. Further exploration released another chaos knight and later a stone golem squashed Saffron like the bug see is. Fast thinking on Ding-We’s behalf may have saved her life, time will tell. Just when they thought they were beginning to figure things out the hobos walked into a teleporter and ended up elsewhere. They bribed a bunch of humans to a temporary armistice. Which was advantageous as Len-ardo just narrowly avoided having an arrow go through his head. Helmet again showing it is the unspoken hero of the day. They then plowed into Rukshilan the animal keepers place. A whip cracked Bunny dropped in pain, a giant badger sprung from a bag, a lever was pulled to release a giant wolverine and toad but the party countered with burning oil and a timely web. Loot was discovered and dinner was badger. 

They had done well but they could not shake the feeling that they had gotten real lucky and getting out of this maze would not be easy…

 What Happened: The robed dudes were Portal Wights. The last line of defence, entombed in the walls of the chamber for ages forgotten by almost all waiting to be released. The rats had collected bits of knowledge over the years and figured out the nature of the portal wights. When the rats retreated from their lair they decided the nuclear option was required, their base was lost, the wights would be released.

ROLECALL

Carla the Green Curate of TMB (C4) 12133 xp +10% <12501>

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Ding-We the Theurgist (W4) 12993 xp +5% <20001>

Bimbles the Curate of GSS (C4) 11916 xp +5% (156) <12501>

Hobo Steve the Hero (F4) 10901 xp +5% (101) <16251>

Rahgnar the Dwarven Swordmaster (D3) 7700 xp  <8751>

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

 

Raul the Hobo (MD4) 8371 xp <15000>

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, Removed one of his own nostrils.

Calvin the Bold Organizer (MM4) 5853 xp <11200>

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of INT -1

Lenardo the Adjunct (S3) 5174 xp <6000>

                        Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

Boris the Dwarven Hero (D4) 8948 xp <17501>

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

Ramrod the Burglar (T4) 9010 xp  +5% <10001>

                         Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

                        Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp  

Bunny the Burglar (T4) 7979 xp <10001>

 

Saffron the Mad fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY3) 15834 <16251>

                        Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

 

            The Henchmen

Mighty Yord the Warrior (B2) 7646 <8125>

Mighty Nord the Slayer (B3) 8559 <16251>

Sloth the Brute (L3) 4669 <8400>

 

RESERVES

All hands on deck

Elapsed Campaign Time

57 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation)

Join us for session twenty-five when we ask the questions:

Now that we have broken the first rule of mazes how do we get back on track?

When will the DM punish us for our blatant meta-gaming?

Could this get worse?

How do we get more helmets?

Who is in charge of this damnable maze anyway?

Tale of the Tape

Ramrod saved by his helm, cost of six teeth

Len-ardo saved by his helm, free of charge

Saffron smeared on the wall, perhaps saved by Eruptor’s restor-generation potion.

KILLS 

Minotaur

Tuatara lizard, giant (2)

Trog-Zombie (5)

Portal wight

Chaos knight (2)

Stone Golem

Rukshilan the keeper

Dire Badger

LOOT

Ripper (2H-sword) 

Rubies (2) 

Minotaur horns (2)

Gold-plated full plate w/shield (2)

Fine  longsword 

Vicious 2H-sword 

A rod!

Silver whistle of animal something or the other

A bag! 

A whip! 

Gold ring with inset ruby 

345 gp

box of tea leaves

six water skins

water! (4 days)