World's Smallest Dungeon? (Session 17)

 SESSION 17: On a Mission from the Gods (3 APR 16)

            Triumphantly standing outside Eruptor’s lair the party considered their options. Back to town! Back to town! Other options be damned. And so they headed back to Chelmfordshire and the Muddy Cup. Things went along fine until they encountered a random robbery at the crossroads. Quickly dispatched was Jimmy and his rotten band excluding their lug Sloth, a friendly soul under control by a black-hearted gang. The unexpected powers of a sorcerer quickly dispatched the wretched band. Carla quickly noted that Sloth’s true nature and recruited him to our band of morally evolving murderhobos. They them roped up the brigands and sold them to the Clenched fist for hopeful future favours…

            Later they finally returned to the Cup for a good nights rest. The following day during breakfast the calm was broken by Flavor-Flav the flying monkey bringing directives for Carla and Bimbles from the mad space god known as Taft Master B! A disturbance in the force was messing with shit. They were given a map to Tranzar’s redoubt to resolve an issue of blasphemous ascension and artifact recovery. They then put foot to road. 20 miles later they found the overland path and entered into the rolling hills of moderately dense mixed forest. Travel was not bad as there was remnants of an ancient road overgrown but manageable as it obviously now used as an animal trail. Working their way in they failed to trip up a pair of hill giants and Smelf encountered a group of well equipped gnomes nobody will believe that part, not that Smelf will ever get to share this story round a fire anyways… Eventually they make it to the clearing outside of Tranzar’s joint and camp for the evening.

            Breakfast and then they entered a dark passageway leading to the entry door, unlocked. Opening the door revealed a rather large mushroom in a room. Mighty Yord took no risks and wrecked the thing with a well-placed javelin. This released a cloud of spores and for heath and safety reasons entry was postponed a little bit. 

            The next room was the residence and dungeon supplies shop of Banes & Bains a nine-foot two-headed humanoid-like creature and his/their giant sized dog Mr. Peebles and two sitting cloaked figures. Even though this creature seemed made for eating people it was guided by a strong mercantile drive. With our Hobos showing enough smarts to initiate a trade scenario the general atmosphere of the chamber became much more cordial. B&B sold the hobos three potions extracted from three adjacent magical fountains: wrath, sloth and gluttony. Respectively the fluids were guaranteed to : Enhance fighting spirit, Reduce adventuring stress and Affects an enhanced sense of well-being. "Trust us, these will keep you little monkeys jumping. Thank-you and come again."

            The only apparent direction to progress was beyond the curtain at B&B’s back and they were not supporting this plan. It took more than a little wheeling dealing (plus some lucky negotiation rolling) we get passage through the mysterious curtain. Revealing a dark corridor that led our hobos to the next surprise. The party found themselves face-to-face with Tranzar and two dancing skeletons in a throne room.

                " That was quick. Great we will be back at the Muddy Cup in time for dinner. Nothing like fresh mold stew."  

            Long battle short, this Tranzar was a fake. He was on fact some hob-gob wearing his boss’s face. After a little bit of looting the horde pressed on. The excitement of the dungeon being completed quickly faded as they pressed on in search of treasure and fame. Instead things were only going to get weirder. 

            Discovering a casino full of ghouls and a vampire pit boss, they ran rather than accept the invitation to win big. On to a large room divided by a wall of fire they look for alternatives. Perhaps something like a large candle on a table flanked by two crystal statues. Smelf was not of two-minds until he grabbed the candle and was split asunder by one of the now animated statues. The Hobos quickly dispatched the gaurdians and fell back to the previous room to collect their thoughts…

Concurrently with all this murderhoboing, Raul and Hobo Steve booked passage to Denethix to deposit cash monies with the Commonweal Secure Holdings at the Bank Inviolable and the bulky junk at the apartment (dragon scales etc.). In an isolated act of forethought each group is in possession of a sending stone that made direction giving a breeze. After which they moved to reunite with their chums.

ROLECALL

 

Carla the Priestess of TMB (C3) 6089 xp +10%

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm, and she is green

Ding-We the Conjurer (W3) 6449 xp +5% (made it by 63) + 250

Bimbles the Priest of GSS (C3) 5872 xp +5% (156)

Hobo Steve the Swordsman (F3) 4457 xp +5% (101)

Lenardo the Graduate (S2) 2443 xp

                        Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

Rahgnar the Dwarven Veteran (D1) 1656 xp 

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

 

Raul the Drifter (MD2) 2327 xp

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Swordmaster (D2) 2904 xp 

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

 

 

            The Henchmen

Mighty Yord the Warrior (B2) +143 + 153+115+ 296+181+157

Mighty Nord the Warrior (B2)+181+ 157

Bunny (T2) +181 + 157

Smelf the Halfling veteran (H1) +181 +157

 

RESERVES

 

Calvin the Bold Observer (MM2) 2526 xp

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 17 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of INT -1

Ramrod the Robber (T3) 3133 xp  +5%

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 4 DAYS

                        Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

                        Scars: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp              

Saffron the Mad fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY3) 10621

                        REMAINING RECUPERATION: 6 DAYS

                        Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen 

 

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

43 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation)

Join us for session eighteen when we ask the questions:

Will the party communicate any useful info to Raul & Steve?

Will Raul & Steve get outta Denethix and reunite with the party, alive?

 

Tale of the Tape

Chopped from stem to stern by a crystal scimitar Smelf was divided

KILLS 

Fake Tranzar 

Bride & Groom Skeletons

A big Mushroom

2 Crystal Statues

A bunch of gross pods and vines

 

LOOT

56 sp

8 gp 

wand

boots

necklace

2 scrolls (MM and detect good 10’)

Big Head meets Big Murder (Session 16)

 SESSION 16: Big Time (8 Feb 16)

                        What the stink!?!

            Why aints we sleeping it off at the Muddy Cup?

It seems that are reckless renegades were hit by a roving cloud of mass hypnosis. Making them believe that they had returned to Chelmfordshire when in fact they were sleeping on a grungy dungeon floor. Oh well we were not eaten by worms. And with that they decided to make their way out of the ASE for reals this time.

            All was going well for 500 or 600 feet. That is until they opened the door to the entry chamber and came face to face with the dread assassin Zardoz

            

            Image: Twentieth Century Fox

                        “Who the feck are you!” Exclaimed the hand cannon attached to the oddly dressed sexy man and former 3^rd place Mr. Universe 1953. He really looks pretty good for a bloke his age. Things go as expected. The exterminators surged forward as Zardoz fell back to position of oversight, like any good leader. Lenardo does his best surrender monkey only to catch a round of hot lead in the chest as the rest of the gang found themselves knee deep in the hoopla. “Kill them, kill them all they smell like sardines and spilt milk!” As luck would have it, mindless slaves don’t always remember to reload their weapons perhaps preventing an immediate carnage. The hobos pushed pack and Ding-We evened out the odds with a sleep spell. This irritated Zardoz to no end. He retaliated with some sleep of his own leveling 70% of the band. He fell back to the bear lair and sent his remaining exterminators forward to cover his escape. Well let me tell you…this irritated Ding-We to no end and so he retaliated with a web spell, “Stick around Zardoz!” The hobos finished off the grunts and closed in for the kill, which irritated Zardoz to double no-end and so he cast his own web snaring the front line of hobos. This, that and the other thing occurred and led to the untimely death of Zardoz the mad assassin of Ferayn the Wizard of Tab-Nakel. I’m sure that this won’t come back to bite our hobos on the ass, especially if we keep it on the down low…

            Rummage and recovery was moving along fine until Yord picked up one of the exterminators breach-load rifles and he lost his mind attacking the nearest not slave of Ferayn the Wizard of Tab-Nakel. They beat him into submission and removed the apparently cursed weapon from his grip. It was actually locally known as one of Ferayn the Wizard of Tab-Nakel’s hypno-weapons, but we have never known our jerks to be up on world affairs. They eventually step out and come face-to-face with the Face “ship” of Ferayn the Wizard of Tab-Nakel. Apparently he gave Zardoz the keys for the day. Searching around they notice a pair of little legs sticking from underneath the craft. What are the chances of that happening unless you are a witch? Debates aside, the Hobos meet a band of Halfling-MurderHobos whom had watched their good buddy Glorp get squished by the flying head. Now they were celebrating the vengeance served. Eventually they faded back into the underbrush and our band continued down the mountain. 

            About ¾ of the way back to the base of Mt. Rendon a strange scent and a new path. It was the smell of battle and death and as we well know that can lead to easy larceny! Upon getting back to the main road they radioed for reinforcements, bringing forth Raul, Hobo Steve & Carla. Eventually they all came to Eruptor’s (a young red dragon) last stand. The smoking ruin of man and monster with no apparent survivors. And so the looting began. It was going great, even revealed a map to the dragon’s lair. “Ah-hem. Hello friends, it seems that we have both followed the same trail” stepping from the brush comes forth Aagdrip a well-armored and armed gnoll flanked by two kobolds with crossbows. He makes it clear that he and his troop would appreciate a cut of the loot. Already weighed down with treasure they offer a hundred gold. “A fine day and a fine deal, be seeing you” and then they faded away. The gang decided it was a smart time to cash in some of their chips before seeking the dragon’s lair. Back to the Muddy Cup and then back out at first light. There was some adoration at this time by the local ragamuffins collective, as it seems word got out about wizard slayers. I’m sure this will play a bigger roll in the future…

            The map was easy enough to follow and it’s amazing how nothing seems to live in vicinity of a dragon. The walk was quiet, very quiet. They find Eruptor’s lair previously a mine of some sort in days past. After a little bit of help from the mad gods above they span the entry trench. After some searching they stumble on a webbed corridor. Webs must burn! Eruptor’s very thought as it set this very trap. Down rained the no longer secured boulders upon the shrunken heads of our morally ambiguous transients. After some more searching they began to close in on the lair proper. 

            One last trap, a challenge and some irate dwarves in front of the prize. The sword on a pedestal trap is easily resolved by Saffron and it’s a mighty fine sword to boot. The challenge, jumping across a trench, proves to be more challenging. Mishaps happen in abundance and then the irate dwarves appeared discharging crossbows as a portion of the party dangle in the trench. Needless to say the comedy of errors sorta begins here. Saffron was felled by quarrel as she had already taken a beating from the boulders. Finally, getting there feet back on solid ground as Ding-We drops another well placed –SLEEP- looked to get the situation under control until…

            It seems that dwarves don’t always do background checks. An ice drake had transmogrified into the form of dwarf had infiltrated their ranks. It was also koo-koo for Eruptor’s horde. First things first, it came out of the darkness with a fury that loaded more than a couple britches. It opened its maw releasing an icy blast. Death came cold and quietly to Hank the Shank. Carla called forth the rhythm of her god to infuse them all with the Power of Bass! But still, things looked grim but Ding-We stepped up again with a web and trapped the beast, albeit temporarily. Even detained the drake was proving itself more than a match for the hobos. As the strands holding the drake began to fail and it prepared to unleash another icy blast to finish off the hobos. Perhaps they could see it coming, the end. Ding-We reached deep into the hidden recesses of his robes pulling forth his most prized scroll. As it crumbled into dust he released a blast of lighting from his fingertips. The creature lived on though; turning its head towards the party its jaw opened as cold began to vomit forth. It was with the power of TMB pulsing within their veins that Yord, Nord and Rahgnar closed in and finished the frozen horror.

            Lets get the fuck out of here.

Making their way back to the entrance they discover a new predicament, the log bridge was gone. “Hello again friends, it seems that we meet again”, Aagdrip from the other side with a horde of kobolds setup behind wee little bunkers. “We were able to come to reasonable agreement last time we met and I think we could do that again”. After some quick accounting the party offers up a chunk of their loot. Again Aagdrip is good to his word, replacing the bridge and disappearing again into the brush with payment in hand. Happy to be alive they began the journey eastwards towards civilization… 

ROLECALL

Carla the Priestess of TMB (C3) 5774 xp 

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Ding-We the Conjurer (W3) 6134 xp 

Bimbles the Priest of GSS (C3) 5557 

Hobo Steve the Swordsman (F3) 4142 xp 

Lenardo the Graduate (S2) 2128 xp

                        Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

Rahgnar the Dwarven Veteran (D1) 1321 xp 

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

Saffron the Mad fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY3) 10306

Raul the Drifter (MD2) 2012 xp

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, Removed one of his own nostrils.

  

            The Henchmen

Mighty Yord the Warrior (B2) 

Mighty Nord the Warrior (B2)

Hank the Shank (MaA1) 

Bunny (T2) +181

Smelf the Halfling veteran (H1) 

 

RESERVES

 

Boris the Dwarven Swordmaster (D2) 2904 xp 

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 2 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

Calvin the Bold Observer (MM2) 2526 xp

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 19 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of INT -1

Ramrod the Robber (T3) 3133 xp  +5%

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 6 DAYS

                        Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

                        Scars: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp              

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

41 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation)

Join us for session seventeen when we ask the questions:

Now that we is wizard killers, will people like us?

Another dead henchman, will people dislike us?

Where are we going?

 

Tale of the Tape

Hank the now frozen Shank: we didn’t hear him go, and then again he was a popsicle. 

Saffron was popped by a crossbow quarrel

KILLS 

Zardoz the mad assassin of Ferayn the Wizard of Tab-Nakel  

(14) Exterminators  

Aagdrip the gnoll and his 20 kobolds (negotiated twice) 

(6) Dwarven grunts 

(2) Dwarven lieutenants  

Unnamed Ice Drake  

 

LOOT

15sp reward, +14 sp + 210sp +380 sp = 619 sp

95 gp +410 gp = 505 gp

(4) gems 

gold ring 

Potion of  (??)

Potion of Healing

Mace +1 (space age materials, non-metal, handle and head)

+2 halfling leather armor

Jeweled necklace 

4 +1 arrows

+1 shield (steel inlayed w/ brass and silver of a rabbit in profile)

Scroll: Magic missile, Levitate (at 5^th lvl)

Ring of quickness 

Short Sword elaborate dragon shaped (magic)

36 Red Dragon Scales

3 of Eruptor’s Teeth

Drake bits 

Zardoz’s spellbook: Hold Portal, Ventriloquism, Sleep, Web, Locate Object

Scroll w/ Irresistible dance, Knock, Hold Portal

Bracers of armor AC6

Lrg Pistol (7 shells)