Big Head meets Big Murder (Session 16)

 SESSION 16: Big Time (8 Feb 16)

                        What the stink!?!

            Why aints we sleeping it off at the Muddy Cup?

It seems that are reckless renegades were hit by a roving cloud of mass hypnosis. Making them believe that they had returned to Chelmfordshire when in fact they were sleeping on a grungy dungeon floor. Oh well we were not eaten by worms. And with that they decided to make their way out of the ASE for reals this time.

            All was going well for 500 or 600 feet. That is until they opened the door to the entry chamber and came face to face with the dread assassin Zardoz

            

            Image: Twentieth Century Fox

                        “Who the feck are you!” Exclaimed the hand cannon attached to the oddly dressed sexy man and former 3^rd place Mr. Universe 1953. He really looks pretty good for a bloke his age. Things go as expected. The exterminators surged forward as Zardoz fell back to position of oversight, like any good leader. Lenardo does his best surrender monkey only to catch a round of hot lead in the chest as the rest of the gang found themselves knee deep in the hoopla. “Kill them, kill them all they smell like sardines and spilt milk!” As luck would have it, mindless slaves don’t always remember to reload their weapons perhaps preventing an immediate carnage. The hobos pushed pack and Ding-We evened out the odds with a sleep spell. This irritated Zardoz to no end. He retaliated with some sleep of his own leveling 70% of the band. He fell back to the bear lair and sent his remaining exterminators forward to cover his escape. Well let me tell you…this irritated Ding-We to no end and so he retaliated with a web spell, “Stick around Zardoz!” The hobos finished off the grunts and closed in for the kill, which irritated Zardoz to double no-end and so he cast his own web snaring the front line of hobos. This, that and the other thing occurred and led to the untimely death of Zardoz the mad assassin of Ferayn the Wizard of Tab-Nakel. I’m sure that this won’t come back to bite our hobos on the ass, especially if we keep it on the down low…

            Rummage and recovery was moving along fine until Yord picked up one of the exterminators breach-load rifles and he lost his mind attacking the nearest not slave of Ferayn the Wizard of Tab-Nakel. They beat him into submission and removed the apparently cursed weapon from his grip. It was actually locally known as one of Ferayn the Wizard of Tab-Nakel’s hypno-weapons, but we have never known our jerks to be up on world affairs. They eventually step out and come face-to-face with the Face “ship” of Ferayn the Wizard of Tab-Nakel. Apparently he gave Zardoz the keys for the day. Searching around they notice a pair of little legs sticking from underneath the craft. What are the chances of that happening unless you are a witch? Debates aside, the Hobos meet a band of Halfling-MurderHobos whom had watched their good buddy Glorp get squished by the flying head. Now they were celebrating the vengeance served. Eventually they faded back into the underbrush and our band continued down the mountain. 

            About ¾ of the way back to the base of Mt. Rendon a strange scent and a new path. It was the smell of battle and death and as we well know that can lead to easy larceny! Upon getting back to the main road they radioed for reinforcements, bringing forth Raul, Hobo Steve & Carla. Eventually they all came to Eruptor’s (a young red dragon) last stand. The smoking ruin of man and monster with no apparent survivors. And so the looting began. It was going great, even revealed a map to the dragon’s lair. “Ah-hem. Hello friends, it seems that we have both followed the same trail” stepping from the brush comes forth Aagdrip a well-armored and armed gnoll flanked by two kobolds with crossbows. He makes it clear that he and his troop would appreciate a cut of the loot. Already weighed down with treasure they offer a hundred gold. “A fine day and a fine deal, be seeing you” and then they faded away. The gang decided it was a smart time to cash in some of their chips before seeking the dragon’s lair. Back to the Muddy Cup and then back out at first light. There was some adoration at this time by the local ragamuffins collective, as it seems word got out about wizard slayers. I’m sure this will play a bigger roll in the future…

            The map was easy enough to follow and it’s amazing how nothing seems to live in vicinity of a dragon. The walk was quiet, very quiet. They find Eruptor’s lair previously a mine of some sort in days past. After a little bit of help from the mad gods above they span the entry trench. After some searching they stumble on a webbed corridor. Webs must burn! Eruptor’s very thought as it set this very trap. Down rained the no longer secured boulders upon the shrunken heads of our morally ambiguous transients. After some more searching they began to close in on the lair proper. 

            One last trap, a challenge and some irate dwarves in front of the prize. The sword on a pedestal trap is easily resolved by Saffron and it’s a mighty fine sword to boot. The challenge, jumping across a trench, proves to be more challenging. Mishaps happen in abundance and then the irate dwarves appeared discharging crossbows as a portion of the party dangle in the trench. Needless to say the comedy of errors sorta begins here. Saffron was felled by quarrel as she had already taken a beating from the boulders. Finally, getting there feet back on solid ground as Ding-We drops another well placed –SLEEP- looked to get the situation under control until…

            It seems that dwarves don’t always do background checks. An ice drake had transmogrified into the form of dwarf had infiltrated their ranks. It was also koo-koo for Eruptor’s horde. First things first, it came out of the darkness with a fury that loaded more than a couple britches. It opened its maw releasing an icy blast. Death came cold and quietly to Hank the Shank. Carla called forth the rhythm of her god to infuse them all with the Power of Bass! But still, things looked grim but Ding-We stepped up again with a web and trapped the beast, albeit temporarily. Even detained the drake was proving itself more than a match for the hobos. As the strands holding the drake began to fail and it prepared to unleash another icy blast to finish off the hobos. Perhaps they could see it coming, the end. Ding-We reached deep into the hidden recesses of his robes pulling forth his most prized scroll. As it crumbled into dust he released a blast of lighting from his fingertips. The creature lived on though; turning its head towards the party its jaw opened as cold began to vomit forth. It was with the power of TMB pulsing within their veins that Yord, Nord and Rahgnar closed in and finished the frozen horror.

            Lets get the fuck out of here.

Making their way back to the entrance they discover a new predicament, the log bridge was gone. “Hello again friends, it seems that we meet again”, Aagdrip from the other side with a horde of kobolds setup behind wee little bunkers. “We were able to come to reasonable agreement last time we met and I think we could do that again”. After some quick accounting the party offers up a chunk of their loot. Again Aagdrip is good to his word, replacing the bridge and disappearing again into the brush with payment in hand. Happy to be alive they began the journey eastwards towards civilization… 

ROLECALL

Carla the Priestess of TMB (C3) 5774 xp 

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Ding-We the Conjurer (W3) 6134 xp 

Bimbles the Priest of GSS (C3) 5557 

Hobo Steve the Swordsman (F3) 4142 xp 

Lenardo the Graduate (S2) 2128 xp

                        Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

Rahgnar the Dwarven Veteran (D1) 1321 xp 

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

Saffron the Mad fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY3) 10306

Raul the Drifter (MD2) 2012 xp

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, Removed one of his own nostrils.

  

            The Henchmen

Mighty Yord the Warrior (B2) 

Mighty Nord the Warrior (B2)

Hank the Shank (MaA1) 

Bunny (T2) +181

Smelf the Halfling veteran (H1) 

 

RESERVES

 

Boris the Dwarven Swordmaster (D2) 2904 xp 

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 2 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

Calvin the Bold Observer (MM2) 2526 xp

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 19 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of INT -1

Ramrod the Robber (T3) 3133 xp  +5%

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 6 DAYS

                        Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

                        Scars: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp              

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

41 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation)

Join us for session seventeen when we ask the questions:

Now that we is wizard killers, will people like us?

Another dead henchman, will people dislike us?

Where are we going?

 

Tale of the Tape

Hank the now frozen Shank: we didn’t hear him go, and then again he was a popsicle. 

Saffron was popped by a crossbow quarrel

KILLS 

Zardoz the mad assassin of Ferayn the Wizard of Tab-Nakel  

(14) Exterminators  

Aagdrip the gnoll and his 20 kobolds (negotiated twice) 

(6) Dwarven grunts 

(2) Dwarven lieutenants  

Unnamed Ice Drake  

 

LOOT

15sp reward, +14 sp + 210sp +380 sp = 619 sp

95 gp +410 gp = 505 gp

(4) gems 

gold ring 

Potion of  (??)

Potion of Healing

Mace +1 (space age materials, non-metal, handle and head)

+2 halfling leather armor

Jeweled necklace 

4 +1 arrows

+1 shield (steel inlayed w/ brass and silver of a rabbit in profile)

Scroll: Magic missile, Levitate (at 5^th lvl)

Ring of quickness 

Short Sword elaborate dragon shaped (magic)

36 Red Dragon Scales

3 of Eruptor’s Teeth

Drake bits 

Zardoz’s spellbook: Hold Portal, Ventriloquism, Sleep, Web, Locate Object

Scroll w/ Irresistible dance, Knock, Hold Portal

Bracers of armor AC6

Lrg Pistol (7 shells) 

Sleep a Murder's Best Spell (Session 15)

 SESSION 15: The Big Sleep (18 Jan 16)

…And so another day begins for our treasure mad street urchins. With an apparent disregard for the standing hit to be served, they went out to convert some books into cold hard coinage. We need more! Back to the mountain! But first they hired Robyn the Crier to reel in some more potential recruits. This panned out to be three potential hires: Pete the Porter, Hank the Shank and Smelf the Halfling. Poor Pete was cut loose, since we don’t need no stinking torch-bearing or portering the other two were quickly hired. Now we are ready to get down to business.

So they rented a couple of carriages and with a little foresight they loaded up a few almost ready compatriots as well. 

            Returning to Chelmfordshire, the shantytown is noticeably larger and the military presence as well. Sure that can’t be a bad sign or nuttin. A little catchin’ up with Dave the Ranger where they learned a few things, most importantly the addition of an “s” at the end of black dragon. Multiple dragon sightings would have been a greater concern for more civilized beings. A little later and our miscreants are hiring even more guns. This results in the most Swedish barbarian of reunions as Mighty Nord steps out to greet his pal Mighty Yord. The Worthless North seems to be a land of lunk-headed clones that are masters of the cleaving ways. As slipping into view from the shadows came she of the pink bouffant hair and chewing gum came Bunny. “Ya’all need someone to open things and other stuff?” “Yes, yes we do. Your hired as soon as you return everything you lifted from us”.  Next step was to purchase their delve pass. Returning to the wicket manned by civil servant # 0002759, our friend and yours Ehrm Flinkmetter. “How many?” Its always business with Ehrm, he is such a card. Seeing no window for negotiation the party cleanly closed the transaction. The following morning setting out for the ASE.

            The road was busy in both directions with the Iron Fist moving resources about the map. Wounded out, fresh in. Nevertheless back to their still secret entrance they went, back in past the Sarge and into the dungeon to explore further. Finding the very spot they turned around at, a closed door. That revealed another bunch of them big walking mushroom things when the door was kicked in. During the ensuing kerfuffle Rahgnar did attempt to eviscerate himself as the rest of our Hobo squad finished off the motile funguses.  

            Further into the structure they went. Ding-We slung many the sleep spell to neutralizing hordes of goblins in his wake. Somewhere along the way they discovered a room with a perforated pressure plate with nasty spears waiting to jab any interlopers. The room had two doors, one of which was marked as having an anomaly beyond. Some thinking and a highway of corpses later they found themselves in the “anomalous room!” This was not until after Lenardo proved that geeks ain’t got no motor skills. He stepped off the walkway and was pierced through his foot causing him to drop to one knee to be lanced again this killed him. Fortunately he had his suturepede reloaded after dying last week. This “regular” replacement is gonna get expensive quick.   Eight alcoves shrouded in differently coloured mists. In the main chamber a pedestal with a pitcher carved to depict a flying monkey-headed snake. Lenardo showing no fear of a further death embraced the power of Science! And began his investigation of the alcoves. The long and short of it is that he activated two of the anomalies ending up very, very inebriated and flying. No it did not last forever, just 24 hours. After these two “findings” the hobos lost the guts for further experimentation and left the room carefully removing their highway from the floor-spear room. Agreeing to come back later. 

            Pressing on they encountered more goblins vandalizing the joint and crapping on their completed abstract art pieces. Sleep-death-kill. Shortly afterwards they discovered a messed up hybrid (goblin spider) guarding another lovely chunk of coinage. MurderHobo powers activate! Finally, they came to a room with a bunch more goblins guarding a door. The final sleep was laid down and that was it for the gobs and the Hobos decided to pull out while they still could. Back to Chelmfordshire they went…

 

ROLECALL

Ding-We the Conjurer (W3) 5771 xp 

Bimbles the Priest of GSS (C3) 5194 xp 

Lenardo the Graduate (S2) 1765 xp

                        Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

Rahgnar the Dwarven Veteran (D1) 958 xp 

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire) 

            The Henchmen

Mighty Yord the Warrior (B2) 

Mighty Nord the Warrior (B2)

Hank the Shank (0)

Bunny (T2)

Smelf the Halfling (H1)

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY?)

RESERVES

Carla the Priestess of TMB (C3) 5774 xp +10%

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Hobo Steve the Swordsman (F3) 4142 xp +5% (101)

Boris the Dwarven Swordmaster (D2) 2904 xp 

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 8 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

Calvin the Bold Observer (MM2) 2526 xp

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 25 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of INT -1

Ramrod the Robber (T3) 3133 xp  +5%

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 12 DAYS

                        Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

                        Scars: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp              

Raul the Drifter (MD2) 2012 xp

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 2 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, Removed one of his own nostrils.

Elapsed Campaign Time

35 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation)

Join us for session sixteen when we ask the questions:

Who is actually joining us in the bowels of the Anomalous Subsurface Environment?

When are our hobos gonna run afoul of the many things they ignore?

Tale of the Tape

KILLS 

Goblins 12+7+10

Vagrant mushrooms 4

Jawheads 3

Goblin spider

LOOT

11,000 sp

1,000 gp

12 Citrine gems 

Platinum bracelets (2) 

Platinum necklace w/Onyx gem 

Murder Misfits Unite (Session 13)

 SESSION 13: Is this a geas or what? (14 Dec 15)

…And so smelling like a can of sardines left open in the sun our foul MurderHobos return to their dive on the Street of Students with the rest of the no-good-niks. Much to their surprise it was like resurrection day at the Cult of Personality, mooks rolling about the joint looking for treasure to kill for. Reunions were had and Calvin shared his burning sensation. “Guys I gots dis geas and it burns when I peez and only a stygian rose will fix it”, a room full of clerics thinks this problem goes deeper. Nevertheless the next morning a freshly inflated group went NE in search of a cure for one of Calvin’s social diseases. They get a lead in Denethix, a collector of some notoriety and the mystery of the Stygian rose begins to grow.

            Looking at their “not necessarily accurate map” they determine the town of Harwich is where they need to be. They were wrong but this won’t be the last time our miscreants will be proven not to be details oriented. A carriage ride later they discover the town defined by its massive organ. They disembark just outside the Organ Grinders Lament. In they roll all detective like looking for clues to the question wherein the world is Abelia Prem? No luck finding flower enthusiasts at the local house of swill and so they spread out. To the farmers market, mayors office and the local flower shop, Al’s Big Flowers. Some good eating and drinking is accomplished also probably a very good deal on some second-hand children could have been negotiated but what they actually gleaned was that they were in the wrong town. Damn that not so ground truthed map! We are going to Mellus.

            Arriving in the town of distillation they hit the bricks outside of the Moktar’s Mug. A little bit of class “C” investigating they learn that Abelia Prem has not been seen for 10 years but her home continues to be over there on Sheba-shalla-zowa-wowa-fizzah-sizah street, at the end. These boots were made for walking and that is just what they did. 

            Reaching the property they are greeted by the sound of buzzing bees. Probably something to dowith them hives, no appreciable treasure to be found press on! Ambushed by a spitting gargoyle, quickly terminated and then far too much time scrounging for the treasure that must be there. Dammit! 

            Moving on they discover some crouchy statue guy. Nothing figured out there. The manner sits atop of the hill but there is a beat up atrium just over there. To the atrium for fun and murder and treasure! 

            In they went, to be attacked by buggery little cherubs then trippen on pollen tripping over a spade and through the hole into grandfather toads’ abode. Attacked by a totally bitchy statue mother birthing totally bastard cherubs. Leading to a wine cellar with a secret tunnel leading somewhere. Plants, plants and even more plants and yet no stygian rose. Yet. Eventually finding a room full of thousands of living and dead frogs. Created by the maddest little fey monster you done ever met, Saffron! 

            To let her out or not to let her out, that was the deliberation that went on and on. Eventually the little beastie was freed, by Ding-We, to make that C U N T Abelia pay, pay, fucking pay with blood guts insides outsides all that shit!!! And with that she emptied her insides of a decade or so of “backup”. Nevertheless our skunky little scumbags seem to have a new creature feature, the mad fairy.  Finding a map they believed they now knew where the stygian rose was they returned to the giant oak that shadowed the stairs down into the abyss. Ding-We felt this was an opportune time to test-drive the nifty chestnut thingy found in the lab with the nutty fairy. A channel was opened with the spirit of the tree. “Oh he is gonna be gone for awhile”, Saffron clarified with a fart as she sat apon a clearly trance-ified Ding-We.  Guess we should settle in….

 ROLECALL

Carla the Priestess of TMB (C3) 5057 xp +10%

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Ding-We the Conjurer (W3) 5064 xp +5% (made it by 63) + 250

Gweeb the Priest (C3) 4751 xp  +5%

Bimbles the Priest of GSS (C3) 4447 xp +5% (156)

Hobo Steve the Warrior (F2) 3334 xp +5% (101)

Calvin the Bold Observer (MM2) 1819 xp

Raul the Scout (MD1) 1305 xp

Lenardo the Student (S1) 1058 xp

                        Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

Figgins the Halfling Veteran (H1) 1023 xp +5%

                        Light wound: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp

            The Henchmen

Mighty Yord the Warrior (F2) 

Nancy Wrathful the Warrior (F2) 

 

RESERVES

Rahgnar the Dwarven Veteran (D1) 958 xp 

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 7 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

Boris the Dwarven Swordmaster (D2) 2904 xp 

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 17 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

Ramrod the Robber (T3) 3133 xp  +5%

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 21 DAYS

                        Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

                        Scars: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp              

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

26 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation)

Join us for session fourteen when we ask the questions:

So do we go deeper (I know we ask this a lot but we probably should)?

What’s up with the wizard?

Is this fairy work safe certified?

 

Tale of the Tape

…All went well. No children were eaten during the filming of this episode.

Meet Saffron the psychotic fairy frog queen.

                                                                                                                            Image: Die Antwoord

 

KILLS 

Spouter gargoyle 

Archer Cherubs (4) 

Grandfather Toad 

Stone Mother 

LOOT

Silver spade 

Elfin wine 2 bttls, 1 open 

Dead fairys (2)

Gargoyle Bits (tongue, teeth, claws, saliva)

Nothing but Murder (Session 12)

 SESSION 12: Deep Down in a Hole (17 Nov 15)

If only we had a Halfling to send down this hole… and so they began starring down into the red glow of the abyss, with 120’ of rope to make the descent. “Maybe this is not a good idea”. Unheard from below, “come on we are starving for fresh meat”. Welcome to the worst part of giving adventurers time to think about things, occasionally they avoid harms way. And so they rolled up their rope and proceeded across the highway and into the maze of pit traps. This was much to Mighty Yord’s chagrin as he visited the bottom of a couple of them pits. 

They find a climate-controlled room with a massive crystal chandelier and ancient pieces of art. Michelangelo’s David as well as da Vinci’s Mona Lisa and Van Gogh’s Starry Night. After some discussion pictures are cut out of frames and frames are tied to the wizard. David is just too heavy and naked to be dragged around. At the cost of mangling the chandelier a secret passage is discovered and our “art lovers” move along to find a viewing chamber. They had lunch while watching a couple of giant spiders doing nothing (having recently gouged on goblins). 

They rambled and ambled further loading their britches with much shiny loot as they defeated many the invertebrate, undead and cavern dweller. Stumbling into the morlock lair, defeating the lot, their big white monkey, defacing their satanic idol and locking the women and child things in a broom closet. They discovered a number of conference rooms and one in particular that has wonderful mahogany furniture that is begging to be stolen, some how some way. 

And somewhere along the way ole Hobo Steve caught a rotting fist in the gub that cost him five teeth. Charisma now equals his smarts… But this was the worst thing that occurred to our reprobates. They made a clean escape and back to Denethix for some much-needed rest and to discover that a bunch of chums are ready to come off the injured reserved list.

ROLECALL

Carla the Priestess of TMB (C3) 4304 xp +10%

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Ding-We the Seer (W2) 4311 xp +5%

Gweeb the Priest (C3) 3998 xp  +5%

Bimbles the Priest of GSS (C3) 3649 xp +5% (156)

Hobo Steve the Warrior (F2) 2581 xp +5% (101)

 

            The Henchmen

Mighty Yord the Warrior (F2) +143

Nancy Wrathful the Warrior (F2) +258 + 143

 

RESERVES

Calvin the Bold Observer (MM1) 1819 xp

Raul the Scout (MD1) 1305 xp

 

Rahgnar the Dwarven Veteran (D1) 958 xp 

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 9 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

Boris the Dwarven Swordmaster (D2) 2904 xp 

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 19 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

Lenardo the Student (S1) 1058 xp

            REMAINING RECUPERATION:  2 DAYS

                        Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

Figgins the Halfling Veteran (H1) 1023 xp +5%

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 3 DAYS

                        Light wound: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp

Ramrod the Robber (T3) 3133 xp  +5%

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 23 DAYS

                        Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

                        Scars: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp              

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

24 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation)

Join us for session thirteen when we ask the questions:

Are we on a geas or what?

Can we be here without the rats noticing?

Hey look who’s gained a level?

When are we going to piss off one of our henchfolk?

 

Tale of the Tape

Steve has a smile only a hockey player could love

KILLS 

4 insect swarms 

5 Screechmen  

10 Morlocks  

Albino Ape  

Morlock Chief  

Morlock shamen  

4 Vegabond mushrooms  

4 Corpse jellies  

2 Blade zombies  

6 spitting beetles  

3 Crab Spiders  

LOOT

Blood stained gold bowl 

50 small tourmaline gems 

10 solid silver tassles 

circlet (morlock crown)

Ivory broach of a womans face in profile 

Crystal decanter 

4 crystal ashtrays 

Scroll with Sleep

Protonium-metal letter opener (+1 dagger)

Amethyst-and-silver collar ape sized 

Potion of gaseous form

Golden hookah 

Starry Night 

Mona Lisa 

1200 sp 

100 gp 

There and Back Again, Exploring the A.S.E. (Session 11)

SESSION 11: Another Day in the Salt Mine (26 Oct 15)

Up and at them, another grand day at the Muddy Cup in scenic Chelmfordshire. Time to hire some more meat shields and head back to the ASE. Back to the town square to hire young Whazit the town crier. Later that evening, presenting three possible candidates. Missed on the elf but successfully hired two others. Mighty Yord an exceptionally large barbarian from the Worthless North, and an exceptionally insensitive pyromaniac and magician known as Margaret the Black. The following morning, the party paid a visit to their not-friend Erm to purchase another delve certificate. Shortly after leaving town our skuzz-burgers encountered an old woman lamenting her missing Charlie. Turns out to be her dog that chased off after something. As luck turns out, a very easy to follow swathe into the underbrush leads straight to the problem. A large burrow in the hillside, inside (past the corpse pile) they finds Charlie a gigantic beast of a wolf battling with an owlbear. Our hobos get all noble and call back the dog and go to work on the beast. After getting the job done they return to the old women to be rewarded a pair of magical stones. Onward and back to business!

Back up the mountain. No, further, shenanigans, nor alternative entrances. Through the bear lair and back to the Sarge’s room whom is happy to model his arm cannon improvements “nothing is getting out of there on my watch”. Sarge also confirms that he ain’t seen nobody else in 3025 years blah blah blah… Back down into the pit they went.

A number of encounters with either angry fungus or oversized and angry bugs and they found themselves camping in the crawl space under a throne room. Back out and pushing further into the unknown and foiling a screechman ambush. A good choice of doors and Ding-We knocking out one heck of a timely sleep spell. They press on in a gold mad fury past more mushrooms and burning caterpillars, well Marg was responsible for that. Onto zombies that finally took our first henchperson, ole angry Marg just shouldn’t have tried to learn dart throwing on the fly. 

Finally they came, back, upon the dungeon highway™ again and the hole/well at its end. A faint red glow could be seen. This was more than enough to get our Hobos attention. After testing for depth, 120’, our band begins to prepare for an excursion into its inky depths.

ROLECALL

Carla the Priestess of TMB (C3) 3693 xp 

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Ding-We the Seer (W2) 3700 xp 

Gweeb the Priest (C3) 3387 xp  

Bimbles the Adept of GSS (C2) 3038 xp 

Hobo Steve the Veteran (F1) 1970 xp  

            The Henchmen

Mighty Yord the Warrior (F2)

Margaret the Black Apprentice (M1)

Nancy Wrathful the Warrior (F2) 

 

RESERVES

Calvin the Bold Observer (MM1) 1819 xp

Raul the Scout (MD1) 1305 xp

 

Rahgnar the Dwarven Veteran (D1) 958 xp 

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 12 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

Boris the Dwarven Swordmaster (D2) 2904 xp 

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 22 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

Lenardo the Student (S1) 1058 xp

            REMAINING RECUPERATION:  5 DAYS

                        Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

Figgins the Halfling Veteran (H1) 1023 xp 

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 6 DAYS

                        Light wound: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp

Ramrod the Robber (T3) 3133 xp  

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 26 DAYS

                        Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

                        Scars: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp              

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

21 days at beginning of session

Join us for session twelve when we ask the questions:

Will they get out mostly alive?

Are folks gonna notice our henchman abuse?

“Fool of a Took! This is a serious journey, not a hobbit walking-party. Throw yourself in next time, and then you will be no further nuisance.” (JRR Tolkien; Correct, that is not a question but who ever reads this stuff anyway?) 

 

Tale of the Tape

Another ‘hench bites the dust. Margaret made a perfect dart toss, right into her own brain via her left eye socket.

KILLS 

Owlbear  

Screechmen (12)

Vagabond Mushrooms (8) 4 trapped, 4 terminated  

Wood gnome golems (3) 

Malignant spheres (5)  

Blade zombies (5) 

Earwigs giant (5) 

Tunnel caterpillars (7)

LOOT

Pair of sending stones

Some dead guys backpack of general stuff

Large garnets 3 

1200 gp

½ silver skeleton 

Sapphires 6 

Murder Once More in the Anomalous Subsurface Environment (Session 10)

SESSION 10: Hey look! Lets try this entrance… (25 Sept 15)

The Events

Finally, sitting down to some cheese with the lads.

Upon the broken and marginally mended window came a scritchy scratchy.

It was Ding-We’s friend Darryl delivering an ominous message.

It seems that Tha Boss is holding a grudge against our Hobos, perhaps for killing Cousin Larry and another Darryl or he suspects they are responsible for the sortie into his lair or he just sees all contracts to completion. 

We just don’t know. A death mark has been dealt.

            The party decides that whining to the Union (Grey Services) is the best way to resolve this grievance. The following morning they visit Ramrod’s Grey Services Employment Coordinator Nabob. 

He listens to their story collects the processing fee and suggests they lay low for at least a few days.

"Why don't ya bums gets outta the City for a few days and cause someone else some trouble?"

            This was as good a motivation as any to head back to Mt. Rendon and the A.S.E. Setting out they returned to Chelmfordshire late that afternoon, to see that the hustle and bustle has certainly grown in the week since they were last here. 

A Hobo boomtown on the make, the town green now had a Council for the Proper Apportionment tent to officially register all adventuring activities in the area. Just beyond, and wrecking the perfectly good green space, a host of tents populated by MurderHobos of all stripe. 

            Being all pro-fesh-un-al like our group approached the both to purchase their “short term exploration and engagement delvers authorization” document. Erm Flinkmetter the LVL 1 Mobile Taxation Acquisitioner was not happy to see them still breathing and trying to cajole deals out of him. Never the less the transaction did eventually complete with a document in hand. 

            Being the ever-brilliant bunch they are, the realization that cannon fodder was needed materialized. They posted notice and hired a crier and retired to the Muddy Cup for repast and see what vagrants come their way. 

Shortly after dinner the crier, known as Loud Kid, returns with five potential recruits:

            Markus the Veteran 

            Melzgar the Elf 

            Black Harris the Acolyte

            Arto Heavensward the Halfling

            Nancy Wrathful

And so, four were hired on and Black Harris stormed off with a belch (dismal negotiation). Deeply insulted by this bunch homeless vagrants.

The next morning came and after a light breakfast this newly fattened group moved towards the mountain.

            They encountered a mobile operations camp set up by the Unyielding Fist at the foot of the mountain. They demanded to see the proper papers and then sent our hobos along. Again, much like Erm the army was not interested in becoming friends with our bunch of wastrels. But they did overhear talk of a black dragon sighting at “Entrance 3”. They began the journey back to their gatehouse entrance. An hour or so up, just before the glade opening where they had been previously attacked and slaughtered by perytons they noticed a newly made trail running east through fairly heavy bush and shrub. After some arguing it was decided this should be investigated. The Halflings were sent ahead to scout. A couple hundred meters along they discovered another entrance into the ASE, and it was a pair of open doors!

Well this seemed like a good idea to some and a bad idea to others… but impulsive behavior seems to be the hallmark when it comes to MurderHobos. What could go wrong?

            In they went down a large corridor until they caught a fishing team of moktars unaware. Battle ensued, a mess was made and our group moved on. 

Continuing down the passageway into the next room that was stacked with crates and three barrels marked “Product of Denethix” had a small fire cooking some fishy smelling meat and eight convalescing moktars. Again the Hobos had caught the catsmens unawares. Unfortunately it seems that sleeping cats are harder to hit than one would think. The result is a fairly ineffectual sneak attack. The moktars spring to there feet ready for action, even if they are already beaten up. Their chieftain (Ghurrk) and his supreme warriors, in the next room, note this commotion and dash into the fracas. Things start getting confusing in the clouds of cat fur brought on by the cat scratch fever going down. Melzgar is opened up like a bargain bin cat toy; all these fluids should be on the inside. Arto is also quickly torn to pieces as the party fails to gain the upper hand. Figgens goes down but springs right back to his feet. Lenardo is not so lucky and loses a couple of fingers but lives to fight another day, after some rest. Finally the party completes the job. 

            Some quick investigating of this room and the next (Ghurrk’s place) reveals some gold, a big pink diamond and an interesting silver idol of a cod-man. Likely the same beings being cooked on the spit and the basis of Ghurrk’s head-bone throne. The crates were packed full of rations that all carried the pungent stench of catpiss, but the barrels were full of water that had not been messed with. 

            They decide to send Lenardo back to the Muddy Cup with Markus. This seems like a windfall to Markus as he gets paid and gets out with his life unlike the two dead henchmen. He doesn’t bother conferring with his other “peer” Nancy because she is just nuts. 

            The party presses on into a room that has a waterway flowing through the middle of it. This being the home to a bunch of killer frogs and they leap into action as soon as they see the yum-yums enter their lair. This fight also doesn’t go all that smoothly. Figgens goes down again receiving lasting nerve damage in his hip and then one of the frogs flattens Ramrod making his back bend all weird like. Along with his existing limp Ramrod’s back will never carry the load it could carry in his youth.

The door across the room was labeled “munitions testing” and was too much to pass up once the frogs had all croaked.

ZAP!

ZAP!

An automaton with duel mounted arm lasers has been right here for thousands of years waiting to blast something. 

“Die foolish human scum!”

ZAP!

ZAP!

The smell of ozone was thick in the air.

Steve and Nancy leap upon the robot and proceeded to smash it to smithereens. 

Done.

            Now, down five bodies from the start of this day, largely beat up and out of helpful magics the party decides to retreat back to town but not before they spend some time collecting trophies. They direct Nancy to grab the slag pile and then they stop in the cat slaughter room for some scalping and head removal. 

As they waste there time doing this they win on the wandering monster lottery.

Five more moktar guards cam down form north of Ghurrk’s former lair to see what was going on. The hobos dealt with this final incursion, it helped that a couple of the cats fled, and realized that any further mucking about would likely cost lives.

Time to flee, with intent.

Back to the Muddy Cup to regroup they ran. 

Except for the fact that Bimbles hightailed back to Denethix to sell the diamond, crystals and statue and then get the spoils banked.

“Death marks be damned!”…

ROLECALL

Carla the Priestess of TMB (C3) 3229 xp 

            Scar: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Ding-We the Seer (W2) 3111 xp 

Gweeb the Adept (C2) 2843 xp  

Ramrod the Footpad (T2) 2484 xp (17 short) 

Scars: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp     

Bimbles the Adept of GSS (C2) 2494 xp 

Hobo Steve the Veteran (F1) 1506 xp

Lenardo the Student (S1) 594 xp

Figgins the Halfling Veteran (H1) 559 xp 

            …The Henchmen…

Markus the Veteran (F1)

Nancy Wrathful (F2)

Melzgar the Elf (E1)

Arto Heavensward the Halfling Veteran and former Taxidermist (H1)

 

RESERVES

Rahgnar the Dwarven Veteran (D1) 958 xp 

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 15 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

Boris the Dwarven Swordmaster (D2) 2904 xp 

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 25 DAYS

                        Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

                        

Calvin the Bold Observer (MM1) 1819 xp

Raul the Scout (MD1) 1305 xp

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

18 days at beginning of session

Join us for session eleven when we ask the questions:

Now that we tried the hard way do we keep on going?

Is it safe for us to be in Denethix?

What do is the right door?

 

Tale of the Tape

50% mortality rate for henchbeings!

Figgens faced death twice before being slowed down

Lenardo lost a couple of fingers

Ramrod had his spine rearranged 

KILLS 

A shit ton of moktars

            1 war chief 

            3 supreme warriors 

            9 guards 

            8 recovering wounded 

8 Killer Frogs (about the size of a hamster but very, very tenacious)          

LOOT

750 gp (before hench payments) 

Silver statue of a cod-man 

Pink diamond 

A shwack of blue crystals extricated from the corpse of a “fur-man”