Join the Army (Session 84)

 SESSION 84: The Gallery (29OCT18)

            Continuing to circumnavigate the gallery, we quickly noticed that we were being observed. Drow guards hidden in every nook and cranny. They lit us up with fairy fire but rather than launching an attack we were directed to quit lagging and report for service. We were brought to a chamber. 

Auntie Loth wants you to join the Army! 

The chamber was full of drow and darkmen with the adjoining chamber full of seriously badass female drow warriors. This should have been a major red flag. But our hobos had not bothered to learn jack shit so far about the denizens and politics of the underworld. Instead of laying waste upon our hobos, Farkwar a darkman recruiter extraordinaire sitting at a desk gestured for us to come over. 

“Well mercs your drow masters are ready to let you serve in the war against the vile derro, FOR THE EMPIRE!”

“For the Empire!”, responded the room.

“Fruuu rah Ooh Ooh!”, pack apes are not all that verbal.

Farkwar continued, “Rejoice that we didn’t slaughter you and your families for now you can have a life of adventure and riches in the service of our God Queen Mother Auntie Sister Lolth”. “Sign up here and let your lavish new lifestyle commence” rubbing two fresh silver coins between his fingers and gesturing towards a stack of papers.

It was at this point our herd made it clear that they were not really listening, reading the room, nor had they identified their immediate need. So off down a tangent of me me me me they went. Luckily rather than just cutting down our hobos the underdark beings returned to their previous conversations. Eventually Farkwar returned his attention to our band to see if they had quit with the blah blah and got with the ra-ra-ra and the signing of contracts. We had finally caught on that the evil drow really don’t care about us and that we needed to join the army to get a writ of passage before they got bored and killed is for sport. 

            "Now get out there and KILL the enemy. For Queen and Cavern!"

            Moving on (finally), there were two major tunnels leaving the gallery. North East was chosen. Hey look, an interesting niche! It was home to a 30’ slug molted in appearance and well-hidden on the wall. This niche was also the final resting place of Len-ardo the engineer. Len’s flesh gave way after two acidic volleys of slug vomit. The reaction was most unexpected as Len and all of his belongings began to render down into an amorphous blob of eyes and mouths. They/he/it screamed hundreds of words that created a rising cacophony of jibber-jabber. Bimbles, having the magical water jug in hand let loose with a deluge upon gooey Len blasting gunk and bits all over the place. Len was gone. Quite literally.

            No bits no funeral, we made our way north east for about a day. It was a cavern collapse that really ruined that day. We back tracked to the gallery and made for the North-West passageway. The drow guards were cryptically helpful. Bunny fell through an illusionary wall and discovered a runic labyrinth. It had a sign suggesting that trespassers would be subjected to unpleasantness. This did not immediately stop our group, “We have different and better intentions, they/it/whatever will most certainly want to talk to us”. So after banging at a couple of doors we busted our way in. It was decorated in a most worrisome manner, even more so than the exterior maze. Our group turned back at the last possible second…

            Back in the central cavern there were two side chambers immediately prior to the primary tunnel. The first was a stable for a bunch of riding lizards the second was home to a gnarly bunch of margoyles. They were very happy to play death from above with us. We smartly ran away. Sometime later our march was interrupted by the sound of many feet running towards us. It turned out to be an off leash ghastly skirmishers berserker crew. The matter quickly become very hairy. These ghouls and ghasts were brutal and came close to eating the lot of us but our perseverance won through. We collapsed in exhaustion thankful to still be alive.

 

ROLECALL

Carla the Green Lama of TMB (C7) 86870 xp +10% <100001> CRT 1d10/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the Lama of GSS (C7) 84706 xp +5% <100001> CRT 1d10/III

Hobo Steve the Champion (F7) 83044 xp +5% <120,001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

Raul the Ranger (MD6) 44037 xp <50000> CRT 1d10/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Champion (D7) 89986 xp +10% <140001> CRT 1d16/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Injury: lost 6 teeth                               

Lenardo the Engineer (S7) 73757 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d8/I

            Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

            Light wound: permanent loss of eight teeth

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Magician(W6) 67670 xp +10% <80001> CRT 1d8/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated

Bunny the Sharper (T7) 74468 xp <80001> +10% CRT 1d16/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

            The Henchmen

Arnd Cobblestone the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 34935 xp +5% <35001> CRT 1d14/ III

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY6) 87523 <130001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

Sloth the Roughneck (L6) 39993 <xxxx> CRT 1d16/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

Sasha Plasha the Guide (R6) 37133 xp +10% <50000> CRT 1d10/III

 

RESERVES

Ramrod the Cloned Burglar (T5) 19543 xp +5% <20001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp

            Missing six teeth talks with a lisp

            Being cloned 45 days COMPLETED!?!

Rahgnar the Dwarven Myrmidon (D6) 54462 xp <70001> CRT 1d24/V

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound:

                        REMAINING RECUPERATION: 0 DAYS

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

196 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Eighty-five when we ask the questions:

Are we going the right way?

Is there a right way?

Now that we have joined the army where is the enemy?

What does the enemy look like?

Why can’t we go home?

What will be the outcome of Carla speaking to I’thaqua?

Why is it getting colder?

Tale of the Tape

Poor Lenny melted into goo and then washed away

KILLS

Giant Slug 

Margoyles – we ran away 

Ghastly Skirmishers Berserker Crew (off leash and outtahand) 

LOOT

hahahahahahahahahaha

Twisting Through the Bowels of Carcosa (Session 83)

 SESSION 83: ONWARDS TO GOLGOTHA

            After much deliberation at the junction we decided to maintain our bearing even though the passageway was clearly becoming smaller (primary à secondary). Our first challenge came in the form of a drow patrol of substantial size. Much like the swine before them at Checkpoint Charlie these fuckers were most certainly mercenary. Our group lacked the knowledge or possession of that which would allow easy passage. So these guys also wanted a payoff. Our hobos were already tightly clutching their quickly diminishing wealth and were not going to cooperate. This normally would likely have resulted in death by drow but it seems the that the patrol was more interested in getting to CPC in time for dinner. A compromise was reached. In part they would not let our group move past them. No ground for dead beats. We fell back to a previous junction and boogied down a tertiary passage to camp and wait for the patrol’s passing down the main passage.

            Camp sucked, especially when a pack of giant lightning spewing gecko things surged forth from the perpetual blackness. After finishing our rest cycle, we returned to the passage now that the patrol had passed by. We eventually came to a small chamber that was a roost for a clan of rust bats. They were not cool but quickly neutralized once we got our bearings. The buggers did mess up Sloth’s mighty shield. 

            We pressed on from the chamber returning to the passageway our journey continued. Back on a well-used primary tunnel. A couple of hours later we fell into gigantic gallery big enough to fit a City and some. Deciding to navigate the chamber along its western perimeter we passed a few passages before going down on of the secondary pathways. We entered a chamber that was home to a multi-tentacled column like creature. The main body was largely mouth that wanted to be filled with murderhobo. A couple got close but we were able to chop it down just in time. It was decided that the peripheral chambers were not the safest places to explore. We back tracked to the main gallery. 

            

ROLECALL

Carla the Green Lama of TMB (C7) 86353 xp +10% <100001> CRT 1d10/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the Lama of GSS (C7) 84189 xp +5% <100001> CRT 1d10/III

Hobo Steve the Champion (F7) 82527 xp +5% <120,001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

Raul the Ranger (MD6) 43520 xp <50000> CRT 1d10/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Champion (D7) 89469 xp +10% <140001> CRT 1d16/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Injury: lost 6 teeth                               

Lenardo the Engineer (S7) 73240 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d8/I

            Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

            Light wound: permanent loss of eight teeth

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Magician(W6) 67153 xp +10% <80001> CRT 1d8/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated

Bunny the Sharper (T7) 73951 xp <80001> +10% CRT 1d16/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

            The Henchmen

Arnd Cobblestone the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 34676 xp +5% <35001> CRT 1d14/ III

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY6) 87264 <130001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

Sloth the Roughneck (L6) 39734 <xxxx> CRT 1d16/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

Sasha Plasha the Guide (R6) 36874 xp +10% <50000> CRT 1d10/III

 

RESERVES

Ramrod the Cloned Burglar (T5) 19543 xp +5% <20001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp

            Missing six teeth talks with a lisp

            Being cloned 45 days COMPLETED!?!

Rahgnar the Dwarven Myrmidon (D6) 54462 xp <70001> CRT 1d24/V

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound:

                        REMAINING RECUPERATION: 0 DAYS

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

194 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Eighty-four when we ask the questions:

What evil lurks… in the dark underworld of Carcosa?

How can we get those damnable drow off our case?

Tale of the Tape

Boring.

KILLS

Nether Deep Patrol – retreated

Subterranean Lightning Lizards (6) 

Rust Bats (18) 

Roper 

LOOT

nil

The Depths of the God Passage(Session 82)

 SESSION 82: The God Passage (13AUG18)

            Crawling forth from the mounds of the Serpent God’s viscera we plunged deeper into the bowels of Carcosa in search of a way home. If the surface was hell what might the stygian depths reveal? Well it was a subterranean highway twisting and writhing much like the serpent god. Hiding grotesque and fearsome foes (slugs, squid things and a giant eye/tentacle mouth abomination) but we pushed on straining against the death that awaited just outside our light. Those that broke the darkness were horror enough. Eventually we came upon a waystation – Check Point Charlie. A host of dark beings slender, hateful shit-head elf types. That were not without pride and avarice. We bought our passage. Not without pushing our luck a little bit but not too hard. This may have been a prudent choice, a platoon of these dark beings awaited us beyond the wall of the fortification. 

            Pressing on we made our way with haste until we reached a junction. Well...crap. This one or that one because we sure as hell ain't going back to those elf dicks. Didn't consider seeing them again did we?

ROLECALL

Carla the Green Lama of TMB (C7) 84928 xp +10% <100001> CRT 1d10/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the Lama of GSS (C7) 82764 xp +5% <100001> CRT 1d10/III

Hobo Steve the Champion (F7) 81102 xp +5% <120,001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

Raul the Ranger (MD6) 42095 xp <50000> CRT 1d10/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Champion (D7) 88044 xp +10% <140001> CRT 1d16/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Injury: lost 6 teeth                               

Lenardo the Engineer (S7) 71815 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d8/I

            Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

            Light wound: permanent loss of eight teeth

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Magician(W6) 65728 xp +10% <80001> CRT 1d8/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated

Bunny the Sharper (T7) 72256 xp <80001> +10% CRT 1d16/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

            The Henchmen

Arnd Cobblestone the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 33963 xp +5% <35001> CRT 1d14/ III

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY6) 86551 <130001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

Sloth the Roughneck (L6) 39021 <xxxx> CRT 1d16/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

Sasha Plasha the Guide (R6) 36161 xp +10% <50000> CRT 1d10/III

 

RESERVES

Ramrod the Cloned Burglar (T5) 19543 xp +5% <20001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp

            Missing six teeth talks with a lisp

            Being cloned 45 days COMPLETED!?!

Rahgnar the Dwarven Myrmidon (D6) 54462 xp <70001> CRT 1d24/V

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound:

                        REMAINING RECUPERATION: 0 DAYS

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

193 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Eighty-three when we ask the questions:

Which way do we go?

How long are we going to be stuck down here?

Who were those little dark guys?

What about that gnome?

Tale of the Tape

Sloth was so very close.

KILLS

Giant slug 

Serp Patrol 

Cave Squid 

Tentacled Eye 

Check Point Charlie (negotiated passage) 

LOOT

23 sp

60 pp

Gems (12) 3900

Exquisite silver and amber necklace (700 gp)

Gold and diamond tiara (1000 gp)

Ruby broach (700 gp)

The Final Nail in a Snake Tale (Session 81)

 SESSION 81: Loot-a-Rama and the End of an Empire (13AUG18)

            We have defeated the clerics of the serpent men now it was time to investigate a little further, like that other door. It was a trap. Twisted vulture-like demons (Vrocks) awaited intruders. They had no time nor interest in tea and cakes just blood. Bleed they did. After sorting things and recuperating we made our way to the central coliseum of the Nameless City.

            At its centre was a sacrificial altar before a giant pit plunging deeper into the earth. Much like any good bunch of murderhobos we threw down the ropes and made the descent. Into the lair of the god-snake. Ancient and massive, the last of a species lost to time, the beast worshipped as a deity. It was not truly a god but as close as any mortal creature could be. It dreamed only of devouring all things and it was this all-consuming state of being that was its ultimate downfall. Even with great obliterating magics it had to taste human flesh again, perhaps for the first time in a thousand years. Rabid it was, all that time only consuming its own twisted worshippers, poisonous nourishment utterly deficient when compared man. 

    More concerned with preserving the flesh than destroying the raiders. Pierced, bludgeoned, cut, slashed and finally split open like a sausage in the fire. The final relic of the serpent men destroyed, now the Nameless city would never rise again. We went deeper into its prison in hope of ancient otherworldly wonders. What we would find was another twisted world within a the twisted world of Carcosa.

ROLECALL

Carla the Green Lama of TMB (C7) 83908 xp +10% <100001> CRT 1d14/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the Lama of GSS (C7) 81744 xp +5% <100001> CRT 1d14      /III

Hobo Steve the Champion (F7) 80082 xp +5% <120,001> CRT 1d30/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

Raul the Ranger (MD6) 41075 xp <50000> CRT 1d12/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Champion (D7) 87024 xp +10% <140001> CRT 1d24/V

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Injury: lost 6 teeth                               

Lenardo the Engineer (S7) 70795 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d12/I

            Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

            Light wound: permanent loss of eight teeth

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Magician(W6) 64708 xp +10% <80001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated

Bunny the Sharper (T7) 71506 xp <80001> +10% CRT 1d30/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

            The Henchmen

Arnd Cobblestone the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 33453 xp +5% <35001> CRT 1d20/ IV

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY6) 86041 <130001> CRT 1d14/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

Sloth the Roughneck (L6) 38511 <xxxx> CRT 1d24/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

Sasha Plasha the Guide (R6) 35651 xp +10% <50000> CRT 1d12/III

 

RESERVES

Ramrod the Cloned Burglar (T5) 19543 xp +5% <20001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp

            Missing six teeth talks with a lisp

            Being cloned 45 days COMPLETED!?!

Rahgnar the Dwarven Myrmidon (D6) 54462 xp <70001> CRT 1d24/V

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound:

                        REMAINING RECUPERATION: 0 DAYS

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

191 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Eighty-two when we ask the questions:

What evil lurks… in the dark underworld of Carcosa?

Tale of the Tape

KILLS

Vrock (3) 

Serpent God

LOOT

3000 gp

Gems & Jewelry (2000 gp) 

Obsidian Tablet

Temple or Tomb? (Session 80)

 SESSION 80: Magic of the Ancients (30JUL18)

            We used a queer device that lifted us to the second story, depositing us in a circular chamber with three doors. We went south first discovering an active laboratory packed with Serpent people. Battle ensued. Even under a cloak of silence the mayhem was too widespread and the commotion attracted the attention of the occupants of the northwestern chamber (a scriptorium) and we ate a fireball. More battle ensued. This time with giant laser snakes as well as serpo-mages. Both rooms contained ancient relics and components of mystery. Perhaps these were the esoteric components the Bone Sorcerer required. What they are, only time will tell.The miserable pirates opened up their stupendous bags of way too much space and loaded up anything that looked like it held even the smallest of value. 

I thought shit like stoneskin and infravision were horrible game wreckers but i had not fully considered enough about bags of holding, why uncle Gary why? Give them an inch they take the whole laboratory.

ROLECALL

Carla the Green Lama of TMB (C7) 82688 xp +10% <100001> CRT 1d14/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the Lama of GSS (C7) 80524 xp +5% <100001> CRT 1d14      /III

Hobo Steve the Champion (F7) 78862 xp +5% <120,001> CRT 1d30/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

Raul the Ranger (MD6) 39855 xp <50000> CRT 1d12/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Champion (D7) 85804 xp +10% <140001> CRT 1d24/V

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Injury: lost 6 teeth                               

Lenardo the Engineer (S7) 69575 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d12/I

            Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand

            Light wound: permanent loss of eight teeth

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Magician(W6) 63488 xp +10% <80001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated

Bunny the Sharper (T7) 70286 xp <80001> +10% CRT 1d30/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

            The Henchmen

Arnd Cobblestone the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 32843 xp +5% <35001> CRT 1d20/ IV

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY6) 85431 <130001> CRT 1d14/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

Sloth the Roughneck (L6) 37901 <xxxx> CRT 1d24/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

Sasha Plasha the Guide (R6) 35041 xp +10% <50000> CRT 1d12/III

 

RESERVES

Ramrod the Cloned Burglar (T5) 19543 xp +5% <20001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp

            Missing six teeth talks with a lisp

            Being cloned 45 days COMPLETED!?!

Rahgnar the Dwarven Myrmidon (D6) 54462 xp <70001> CRT 1d24/V

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound:

                        REMAINING RECUPERATION: 0 DAYS

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

191 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Eighty-one when we ask the questions:

What is this obsidian thing?

Did we find the stuff the Bone-Sorcerer required?

What else will we find?

Tale of the Tape

More survival- boo.

KILLS

Boss Magic Snake 

Giant Laser Python 

Giant Laser Rattlesnake 

Serpent Person Fighter (5) 

Serpent Mage 7HD (2) 

LOOT

Black Lotus Powder

Blue Lotus Flowers (6)

White Lotus Flowers (10)

Laboratory components of mythical proportion 10000 gp

Staff of Striking +2

Scrolls: confusion (2), ice storm, lightning bolt, dispel magic, levitate, mirror image, protection from magic

Potions: Gaseous form (2), Healing (3), Poison, Heroism, Ethereality, Oil of Slipperiness, Fire resistance