Boris and the Loot Hunters Pt.3 (Session 167)

 SESSION 167: Do we loot the tomb or just run?

             Definitely loot first. There was a false bottom in the sarcophagus that had treasure and a gas trap but those are never a lasting obstacle for committed hobos. Mucho coin and a few other items of interest. Boris had his fill of this place and promoted a return to Helix. There was some dissent, perhaps we could look at a thing or two on our way out? As this was mulled the group returned to their conversation with Mendelar, perhaps we should destroy it (the ring)? The conclusion was what is done is done but that woman is most likely an evil bitch. With this it was decided that Willy (and Agolloch) would teleport back to the well and drop the ring and payment (gems) from Lady Unari into the black void. This was done. The items appear were devoured by the blackness. I am certain that we will look at teleportation and the concept of ‘well known location’ in the future..

            Once the darkness was dispelled in the sepulchre another door was revealed on the south wall. Felix, after reviewing the map, suggested going that way and taking the first western passage it would likely lead to the unexplored chamber east of the slime wall room and thus back to the way they had come in. A little exploration on the way out without having to labour through the floaty chamber again. Boris begrudgingly agreed.

            Walking down the corridor they came to a T-junction. To the east were steps descending into water and to the west there was a door and another corridor going further south. There was also two wall mounted bat heads with extended tongues that were obviously levers. “We are taking the other way out, about face hobos!”, Boris the grizzled veteran that he is was in no mood for shenanigans. It took quite some time to backtrack but the absence of wandering things made it alright. 

            Back up and out of the well the B-Team once more stepped into the decrepit forest that surrounded the last resting place of Mendelar Unari. The trip was not without challenge. A collective of giant crab spiders ambushed the troop and battled with abandon. It’s like the arachno-set have some sort of hate for us, I wonder why? 

            B-Team got back to Helix and settled in for some rest and recovery right after they sent a messenger back to Lady Unari, along with the initial payment, to report a ‘failure’ to acquire the ring she lusted for. I’m sure she will take the news well. I’m also sure that Felix exhaustively explored the possibilities over dinner and into the night… 

ROLECALL

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C9) 259748 xp +10% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C8) 223988 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

Hobo Steve the Superhero (F8) 221633 xp +5% <240,001> CRT 1d24/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

            Touched from Beyond the Grave (Sloth): Eating disorder (x2 food) -5’ mve

            Blessing of Orcus (Consumption -1 CON)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 186470 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)

            Missing three teeth  

Raul the Voyager (MD8) 198015 xp +10% <240000> CRT 1d12/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 319718 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 20 teeth, drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT                            

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Sorcerer (W9) 413765 xp +10% <470001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

Bunny the Thief! (T9) 193265 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T8) 127288 xp +5% <160001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Mad Ribbits (FY7) 141685 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Sloth the Bopper (L7) 135460 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Mental Illness: Mummy-a-phobic

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 76671 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO7) 89166 <120000> +5% CRT 1d12/II

Lasting injury: Crushed spinal column -6”H, -5’mv, -10% thieving

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 93066 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d10/III

Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 26094 xp +10% <32000> CRT 1d16/IV

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  63619 <65001> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Greymin the Dwarven Hero (D5) 26295 <35000> +5% CRT 1D14/III

 

‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 59275 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Felix Ignatius Hemlock the previously Skeletal Sleuth (I7) 42208 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Mason the Canon of Yrrrg. (C6) 40211 <50001> CRT 1d10/III

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 45913 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON)  

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON) -ADJUSTMENT REQ’D

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swordsman (D3)

Wendul the Thaumaturgist (W5)

 

RESERVES

Yasser Imaphat the Djinn (D4) 30372 <32501> CRT 1d6/II – He didn’t want to come out of his lamp.

            

Elapsed Campaign Time

376 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session One-Hundred-and-Sixty-Eight when we ask the questions:

Now that the ‘B’ Team is back in Helix what the heck is the ‘A’ squad upto?

I wonder what death or treasure was left behind?

What will Lady Unari think of our manufactured failure?

Tale of the Tape

KILLS

Crab spiders (14) 

LOOT

Vampire dust (1pouch)

Potion of human control

Scroll: Protection from magic

7,371 gp

1,018 pp

Boris and the Loot Hunters Pt.2 (Session 166)

 SESSION 166: Meeting Mendelar

         What an odd chamber with bone piles on the ceiling. B-Squad had to do something as the room separated them from Sloth who seemed incapable of squeezing through the narrow entry passage. The ceiling was 40’ up to the bones the floor had 25 absolutely black circles surrounding a liquid filled stone pool, more creepy wall sconces and two tasty black chests. 

A little problem solving later the room was solved in part, it was a floaty room. The why and how stuff were unknown but after the aforementioned sleuthing the hobos had looted the chests and then used them as passenger vehicles to get everyone to Sloth. The big guy lead the goobers to back along the zig-zag corridor a large door of polished obsidian with a magnificently elaborate locking mechanism with a centrally located brass key plate – that looked happy to take one of the found bat-keys. It did. 

The hobos had found Mendelar’s sepulchre the super ornate sarcophagus gave it away, the rest of the chamber was shrouded in darkness along the walls and ceiling obfuscating the true size. A swirling mist, purple and crimson, slowly taking form appeared before the sarcophagus. A voice came forth it was Mendelar and he did not have nice things to say about us or his sister. “So another group of fools sent to rob me of my family signet so that demon of a sister can enable her lover to tread forth and wreck all manner of atrocities! I have existed here in peace because of it, keeping me ‘alive’ without blood only a monster would seek to upset this!” This vexed our group as the idea of being dupes began to formulate. Boris and Felix realized that perhaps more information was required before resorting to swordplay. Mendalar was receptive to further dialogue. Stepping forth, now fully materialized Mendalar revealed more evidence that his sister was the true monster. Sadly, the physical manifestation of the vampire was too much for Agolloch. The sword took control of Willy and charged Mendelar, “Die vile creature of night!” This also triggered Charles’s sword Franz, Mendelar was a vampire and must be evil so it must be destroyed. The vampire was likely caught off guard, the rest of B-Team most certainly were, but his recovery was faster than human thought. Parlay had been fouled. The fight was on. 

Two hordes of undead creatures stepped from the darkness as Mendelar cursed the hobos while producing his counterstrike to the unplanned ambush. It might have been good fortune that the vampire had been living as a blood-free vampire for so long that rather than draining our group of life he resorted to using magical devices. The fight got a little sketchy especially when Boris provided that the big black and crackly pillars were really just big tank magnets. Unfortunalty for poor betrayed Mendelar once the hobos got the mob of festering zombies under control his unlife became fleeting. Only leaving us with fleeting ethical questions that Agolloch ignored.

The ring of Unari was ours along with a wand and what was shown to be a displacer cloak. The hobos grabbed a breath before the wholesale looting of Mendelar’s sepulchre began.

 ROLECALL

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C9) 259748 xp +10% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C8) 223988 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

Hobo Steve the Superhero (F8) 221633 xp +5% <240,001> CRT 1d24/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

            Touched from Beyond the Grave (Sloth): Eating disorder (x2 food) -5’ mve

            Blessing of Orcus (Consumption -1 CON)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 186470 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)

            Missing three teeth  

Raul the Voyager (MD8) 198015 xp +10% <240000> CRT 1d12/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 319718 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 20 teeth, drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT                            

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Sorcerer (W9) 413765 xp +10% <470001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

Bunny the Thief! (T9) 193265 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T8) 127288 xp +5% <160001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Mad Ribbits (FY7) 141685 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Sloth the Bopper (L7) 135460 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Mental Illness: Mummy-a-phobic

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 76671 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO7) 89166 <120000> +5% CRT 1d12/II

Lasting injury: Crushed spinal column -6”H, -5’mv, -10% thieving

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 93066 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d10/III

Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 26094 xp +10% <32000> CRT 1d16/IV

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  63619 <65001> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Greymin the Dwarven Hero (D5) 26295 <35000> +5% CRT 1D14/III

 

‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 59275 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Felix Ignatius Hemlock the previously Skeletal Sleuth (I7) 42208 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Mason the Canon of Yrrrg. (C6) 40211 <50001> CRT 1d10/III

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 45913 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON)  

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON) -ADJUSTMENT REQ’D

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swordsman (D3)

Wendul the Thaumaturgist (W5)

 

RESERVES

Yasser Imaphat the Djinn (D4) 30372 <32501> CRT 1d6/II – He didn’t want to come out of his lamp.

            

Elapsed Campaign Time

376 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session One-Hundred-and-Sixty-Seven when we ask the questions:

Was he evil or just cursed and should we have let Charles’s sword decide?

Now that we got the ring what do we do with it?

Tale of the Tape

 

KILLS

Mendelar Unari 

Festering Zombies (12) 

LOOT

3539 gp

Scroll; Gaseous form

Chitin plated snakeskin armor (chain +1, +2 vs. magic)

Ring of Unari

Wand of Dark Shocking (5 charges) upto 3 targets w/in 15’ 4d6 lightning SfH

Displacer Cloak (+2 to saves, -2 to hit)

Boris and the Loot Hunters Pt. 1 (Session 165)

 SESSION 165: Boris and the Hunters of the Fabled Ring of Unari

            This way or that way? This was the revealed hidden passage and gawd dang it these sorts of corridors always lead to looty, and so they went north. Shortly after trudging forward they went down a short set of steps coming to a landing that either continued on and offered another stairwell to the west that descended towards a latched stone door within a framed archway with, another, obsidian bat head idol mounted on the capstone. What could go wrong? Boris opened the door. 

He and Sloth were then greeted by the angry pseudopods of a room sized gelatinous cube. They were going to close the door but then a keen eye noted loot floating in the cube in addition to three chests that could be seen within the room. Fighting the giant glob of gob from the corridor was a pretty good idea. Boris and Sloth, when it comes to fighting, are experienced and well outfitted much to the detriment of mindless blobs. As the thing oozed out of the chamber they hacked off chunks until the thing simply deflated and covered the crew in a thick viscous layer of snot. They waded their way in and the looting commenced. Sadly, it looked like more was floating inside of the cube than was ultimately recovered – a handful of gold, but the chests were another story entirely. Victory! 

Bob got down to counting while Raul investigated the items as Willy and Agolloch investigated the chamber. The rope and sword were nice additions to the armory, the potion was an unknown. Wendul, a dude that has not really spent much time with peg-leg seemed to strangely channel Ding-We when he declared all low grade coin was garbage – “this is the providence of sub-humans!”. The good stuff was loaded and the ‘B-Team’ exited the chamber and continued north. The corridor continued another 20’ before hooking west and descended once more. Further to the west was an elaborate obsidian door as well as another branching corridor going further north. 

The door. Polished and 7’ high with a bat headed key hole on central brass plate. Conventional and low-grade arcane noodlings were not successful forcing Wendul to use some magic with  little more heft – Knock! The door opened to a sepulchre bathed in green light. 

In alcoves upon the west wall, two thin glowing green rods rest in torch sconces illuminating the chamber with eerie light. Near the south wall, an exquisitely carved white marble statue depicts an anguished, decrepit looking older nobleman. In front of the statue rests a black stone altar with numerous bloodletting devices. Toward the north end of the chamber looms a richly decorative sarcophagus of black stone (Steve C). 

 Long story short, the group were vexed by this chamber for some time. It wasn’t until the statue was rotated, long after every other manipulation had been explored, that the sarcophagus opened and out popped the guardian of this sepulchre. Charles launched at it, with that unhealthy glow in his eyes, and nicely lopped off an arm. With its remaining upper limb it reached out and poked Sloth whom went ‘Zorp’ and disappeared. The group beat down the wretched unliving until it disintegrated into ash leaving behind a bat-headed key and revealing an exquisite sword that bore a message within the sarcophagus. “You might need this..” Felix provided further insight as he is wont to do, “I surmise that when one pulls this sword from the most elaborate scabbard and weld the blade against some creatures it is a simple enchanted blade…BUT if one was to produce this bat-pommeled blade against a creature deriving power from the negative plane of energy AND if we remember that the aforementioned negative plane is where the powers of anti-life arise and present us here on the prime material and sometimes other places with unrestful dead. In other words the walking dead, the arisen, that hate all life. An..” “Shut up Felix, we get it. Sword for undead”, shouted everyone except Bob (and Sloth for totally different reasons). With that done Willy was afforded the opportunity for reflection. Willy had the distinct feeling that Agolloch was not happy to see such a mundane blade in such a fine scabbard, “You never get me anything nice and all I ever do is keep you alive…maybe you should think of me a little more. I don’t ask for much to be happy.” Agolloch openly stated for all to hear. This made Willy a little embarrassed but showed his sword who was boss, “Yes dear, I should do better”. The team felt a little bad for him just for a moment until they remembered that Sloth had disappeared. 

Sloth after all is simply a child in the shell of a monstrous man. Fortunately Sloth had light and was not facing any mummies that could trigger his PTSD. There was a door before him, polished obsidian and with a masterwork lock, not unlike the door to the previous chamber. He elected to turn around to see what was behind him. “Goody, somewhere to walk”, there was a ‘Z’ shaped corridor that led to a chamber. As luck would have it that with the help of a little detection magic the rest of the team, seconds later, were about to enter the same chamber from the opposite side from Sloth, “Hey you guys!!”. Bob didn’t say anything but she did wave as it was nice to find the big meatball. “Hold on just a moment Sloth, let us investigate the nature of this chamber before any of us proceed further” exclaimed Felix without garnering any grumbles as this was probably a good idea. Unfortunately for Sloth he was already confused. Fortunately Bob translated the natter into one simple hand signal that Sloth could understand, mostly because she had been training him for the last month waiting for the ‘A-Team’ to return to Helix.  

 ROLECALL

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C9) 259748 xp +10% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C8) 223988 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

Hobo Steve the Superhero (F8) 221633 xp +5% <240,001> CRT 1d24/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

            Touched from Beyond the Grave (Sloth): Eating disorder (x2 food) -5’ mve

            Blessing of Orcus (Consumption -1 CON)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 186470 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)

            Missing three teeth  

Raul the Voyager (MD8) 198015 xp +10% <240000> CRT 1d12/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 319718 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 20 teeth, drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT                            

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Sorcerer (W9) 413765 xp +10% <470001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

Bunny the Thief! (T9) 193265 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T8) 127288 xp +5% <160001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Mad Ribbits (FY7) 141685 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Sloth the Bopper (L7) 135460 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Mental Illness: Mummy-a-phobic

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 76671 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO7) 89166 <120000> +5% CRT 1d12/II

Lasting injury: Crushed spinal column -6”H, -5’mv, -10% thieving

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 93066 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d10/III

Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 26094 xp +10% <32000> CRT 1d16/IV

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  63619 <65001> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Greymin the Dwarven Hero (D5) 26295 <35000> +5% CRT 1D14/III

 

‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 59275 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Felix Ignatius Hemlock the previously Skeletal Sleuth (I7) 42208 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Mason the Canon of Yrrrg. (C6) 40211 <50001> CRT 1d10/III

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 45913 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON)  

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON) -ADJUSTMENT REQ’D

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swordsman (D3)

Wendul the Thaumaturgist (W5)

 

RESERVES

Yasser Imaphat the Djinn (D4) 30372 <32501> CRT 1d6/II – He didn’t want to come out of his lamp.

            

Elapsed Campaign Time

376 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session One-Hundred-and-Sixty-Six when we ask the questions:

What is the secret of this chamber?

Has anyone been paying attention to clues, have there been any clues?

Tale of the Tape

Sloth had only been teleported and didn’t get into any trouble

KILLS

Gigantic Gelatinous Cube 

Crypt guardian 

LOOT

4,934 cp garbage

1,269 sp garbage

606 gp

rope of climbing

1,427 gp

152 pp 

potion of something..

3,297 sp garbage

971 gp

Broadsword +1 flaming. 

Murder Time Stand Still (Session 164)

 SESSION 164: An Unexpected Twist in Time (March 2022)

            Bunny liked the Black Knight’s big ass tent. “Get rid of that creepy death god shit and pack this mother up. We got ourselves the chick-house™ or maybe the Babe-Flop™…hmm or quite possibly Bunny’s Dick Free Bivouac™. Helper monkeys! Get to work, I’m only here to chew gum and kick ass and I’m all outta gum…”. Sasha used this opportunity to head to the crest of the next hill to see what was happening as she was a little irritated that Ding-We was diverging from plan and thinking about hunkering down rather than running for the river. 

            Sasha noticed a couple things. One, a pair of enormous cave bears were on their trail. Two, those rotten wyverns were circling above most likely considering another attack. Sasha came back down to report her findings. The rest of the group were not really happy with this but were now back on the ‘run for the border’ plan. After Bunny made sure that her pavilion was fully shoved into Ding-We’s storage hole they all mounted up and rode hard for the Blood River. 

            They made it by early evening. A fire was spotted along the river bank and the snoops were sent to investigate. It was a party. “It’s-a-mother-fucking-mushroom-mayhem-and -booze-party! Game on pus buckets!” – ya that was Saff. Gnomes and woodland creatures singing dancing eating and drinking. Our hobos approached and were invited to join. Saff was already doffing what little clothing she normally wore. The gnomes had wicked moonshine and the animals could talk, this was totally a Walt like party. The evening wore on, like really kept going, but nobody but Saff knew and she did not care. When the shindig ended with dawn’s rise the gnomes created a bridge for all to cross over the river. “Why do you guys party here?” “Oh its because of those damnable fae, if we had a party over there it would be totally deviant and not Disney quality. Look at your friend, she will be fishing feathers out of all sorts of strange place for days to come. If we had more of them the level of debauchery would know no limit”. “Ohhhhh right”. With that all crossed the magic bridge and the two groups parted ways. It was at this time our group noticed that the morning was unexpectedly chill for mid-summer. “Saff! What just happened?” “We partied down with my pants off peg-leg, that was an intense month”….

Back in Helix. Boris and Charles had been back up on their feet for weeks and the conversation this evening turned to the whereabouts of Carla and company. “They have been gone for a month and a half now perhaps things have gone south for them that is our lot as MurderHobos” “No they are just delayed getting extra rich”. “One thing for certain is that we have not gotten any loot for far too long” “Here! Here!”. It was at this very time that the door to the inn opened and a noble woman entered. She panned her gaze across the room and then approached our hobos and introduced herself and then presented an offer of riches and adventure. 

The Lady Elyn Unari, youngest sister of Mendelar, wanted to hire our ragtag murderhobo B-Team to enter her brother’s tomb and retrieve a family heirloom, the Ring of Unari. The ring possesses powerful healing magic and she hopes to use it on her husband and others in her family who have succumbed to a strange illness that they will soon succumb to. Any other treasures found in the tomb would be a gangs pay. She warned of the rumours of deadly traps, foul monsters and terrible horrors.  

“Hold on. Your brother’s tomb? What is he a vampire or something?” 

"A terrible curse haunts the men of my family. Mendelar was a great man, but he too eventually succumbed to its evil. I hope to one day restore my family’s name to its former glory. My other family members remain in hiding for their safety and await a brighter future that you can provide us." 

“Oh okay... All other treasure is ours and all you want is the ring” 

“Correct”, she whispered as her hand reached into a pouch to produce a handful of gems and a map to seed and close the deal. 

“Alright Lady you have just hired yourself MurderHobos Incorporated™” 

“Return the ring to me at my home in Iron Guard Motte”, and with that she arose and left. 

This was a good time for Bret and Jermaine to step up and point out the operational weakness of the splinter group. “Fear not other bosses we have a solution. That guy over there, nobody likes him. He is a misfit thief due to his ethical constraints and the fact he seems to be unbound – always talking to himself. Weirdo will fit right in”. B&J then produced Willy the Reformed burglar to Boris and Company. We very quickly learned that Willy was not a MPD but possibly a thrall to his sword Agolloch the Eye of Purity that already seemed to have too much to say about things and got Charles’s sword Franz chirping as well. But fear not this is the ‘B’ squad after all and so they were happy to recruit the sword and its dude.

On the morning of the second day Boris led the ‘other horde’ out on a mission for gold and glory. The journey was a pleasant six hour hike along hunters and game trails through the forest to the north east of Helix. At the end they came to a clearing surrounded by spooky trees. An ornate stone well was the obvious point of ingress. Bob said nothing. Boris pulled out his mirror and used the powers of refraction, it was actually reflection but such onerous science is not often attempted by toothless murderhobos, to illuminate deep into the well. It worked and a ledge was spotted some 50’ down. Bob said nothing, as she climbed into the shaft. Once reaching the bottom she saw a passageway and errant bits of gear. Bob said nothing but gestured for the other lumps to work their way down. Ropes were secured and thrown in, quickly followed by the rest of ‘B Squad’.

The landing immediately presented some riddles. What is down that corridor? Is there secrets? What is up with the absolute blackness further down the shaft? A test suggested that going deeper was bad, the corridor had two levers and there was two secret revolving doors. The hobos took one of the doors and did not look back. It started with an eyrie corridor that had an ominous placard. Around the corner from this was a long descending stepped corridor. It was a slide trap that ended in nasty metal spikes. Most of the group did the slide of doom. Both Willy and Wendul ended up on death’s door due to quick restorative actions by someone in the bloody dog pile. They brushed off the near death experience and found themselves in at a T-junction, both ends having big stone doors. The west door was chosen. It opened to a room with six stone statues of warrior women carved with open mouths, as if screaming. The chamber aslos stunk and had all sorts of rotting meat and feces about the floor. Bob through in a flash bomb and then used her spidery ability and climbed into the chamber to look around, magics had suggested life was present and the consensus was it must be a medusa. There was no snake-haired women to be found. The door however did slam shut and lock a short interval after Bob’s entrance. The statues began vomiting forth fetid water that included the source of life - many vile shitgrubs. The chamber began filling with gross fluids. The grubs were not discovered until Wendul used ‘knock’ to open the door once more. They were hit by a wave of rancid water packed full of shitgrubs, nasty worm like things with a tentacled maw. The grubs had one chance before they were washed away. Wendul, preferring to were a more versatile short-robes mostly so folks could appreciate his classy ankles made a perfect target for a shitgrub to begin burrowing into his flesh. Fast action spared him from possibly dying more permanently after nearly dying just thirty minutes ago. 

Once the water washed out Bob was able to get down and check the other door in the room. Opening it revealed another chamber was largely devoid of much beyond three things. An empty jug, a human skull and a obsidian bat idol on a pilaster projecting from the back wall. The group entered the chamber to investigate. It was at this time that the insidiously camouflaged gelatinous walls struck. B-Squad made quick work of the goo. With the fake walls gone three more things were revealed: two alcoves and a passage to the east. The idol posed much curiosity until Wily gave it a pull that resulted in a secret door opening a passage to the north. They decided now was a good time to grab a quick rest and snack while Gurn untangled his weapon and armour.

  

ROLECALL

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C9) 259748 xp +10% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C8) 223988 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

Hobo Steve the Superhero (F8) 221633 xp +5% <240,001> CRT 1d24/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

            Touched from Beyond the Grave (Sloth): Eating disorder (x2 food) -5’ mve

            Blessing of Orcus (Consumption -1 CON)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 186470 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)

            Missing three teeth  

Raul the Voyager (MD8) 198015 xp +10% <240000> CRT 1d12/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 319718 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 20 teeth, drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT                            

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Sorcerer (W9) 413765 xp +10% <470001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

Bunny the Thief! (T9) 193265 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T8) 127288 xp +5% <160001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Mad Ribbits (FY7) 141685 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Sloth the Bopper (L7) 135460 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Mental Illness: Mummy-a-phobic

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 76671 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO7) 89166 <120000> +5% CRT 1d12/II

Lasting injury: Crushed spinal column -6”H, -5’mv, -10% thieving

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 93066 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d10/III

Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 26094 xp +10% <32000> CRT 1d16/IV

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  63619 <65001> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Greymin the Dwarven Hero (D5) 26295 <35000> +5% CRT 1D14/III

 

‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 59275 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Felix Ignatius Hemlock the previously Skeletal Sleuth (I7) 42208 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Mason the Canon of Yrrrg. (C6) 40211 <50001> CRT 1d10/III

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 45913 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON)  

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON) -ADJUSTMENT REQ’D

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swordsman (D3)

Wendul the Thaumaturgist (W5)

 

RESERVES

Yasser Imaphat the Djinn (D4) 30372 <32501> CRT 1d6/II – He didn’t want to come out of his lamp.

            

Elapsed Campaign Time

344 days at beginning of session A, Session B was 374 days (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session One-Hundred-and-Sixty-Five when we ask the questions:

How long was that gnome party? A- Look up.

Which way will they go?

Tale of the Tape

Almost had Wendul and Willy, I’m sure they won’t be so lucky next time.

KILLS

Shitgrubs (a bunch) 170

Gelatinous stun walls (3) 225

LOOT

A handful of small gems (10) at 25 gp each