Boris and the Loot Hunters Pt. 1 (Session 165)

 SESSION 165: Boris and the Hunters of the Fabled Ring of Unari

            This way or that way? This was the revealed hidden passage and gawd dang it these sorts of corridors always lead to looty, and so they went north. Shortly after trudging forward they went down a short set of steps coming to a landing that either continued on and offered another stairwell to the west that descended towards a latched stone door within a framed archway with, another, obsidian bat head idol mounted on the capstone. What could go wrong? Boris opened the door. 

He and Sloth were then greeted by the angry pseudopods of a room sized gelatinous cube. They were going to close the door but then a keen eye noted loot floating in the cube in addition to three chests that could be seen within the room. Fighting the giant glob of gob from the corridor was a pretty good idea. Boris and Sloth, when it comes to fighting, are experienced and well outfitted much to the detriment of mindless blobs. As the thing oozed out of the chamber they hacked off chunks until the thing simply deflated and covered the crew in a thick viscous layer of snot. They waded their way in and the looting commenced. Sadly, it looked like more was floating inside of the cube than was ultimately recovered – a handful of gold, but the chests were another story entirely. Victory! 

Bob got down to counting while Raul investigated the items as Willy and Agolloch investigated the chamber. The rope and sword were nice additions to the armory, the potion was an unknown. Wendul, a dude that has not really spent much time with peg-leg seemed to strangely channel Ding-We when he declared all low grade coin was garbage – “this is the providence of sub-humans!”. The good stuff was loaded and the ‘B-Team’ exited the chamber and continued north. The corridor continued another 20’ before hooking west and descended once more. Further to the west was an elaborate obsidian door as well as another branching corridor going further north. 

The door. Polished and 7’ high with a bat headed key hole on central brass plate. Conventional and low-grade arcane noodlings were not successful forcing Wendul to use some magic with  little more heft – Knock! The door opened to a sepulchre bathed in green light. 

In alcoves upon the west wall, two thin glowing green rods rest in torch sconces illuminating the chamber with eerie light. Near the south wall, an exquisitely carved white marble statue depicts an anguished, decrepit looking older nobleman. In front of the statue rests a black stone altar with numerous bloodletting devices. Toward the north end of the chamber looms a richly decorative sarcophagus of black stone (Steve C). 

 Long story short, the group were vexed by this chamber for some time. It wasn’t until the statue was rotated, long after every other manipulation had been explored, that the sarcophagus opened and out popped the guardian of this sepulchre. Charles launched at it, with that unhealthy glow in his eyes, and nicely lopped off an arm. With its remaining upper limb it reached out and poked Sloth whom went ‘Zorp’ and disappeared. The group beat down the wretched unliving until it disintegrated into ash leaving behind a bat-headed key and revealing an exquisite sword that bore a message within the sarcophagus. “You might need this..” Felix provided further insight as he is wont to do, “I surmise that when one pulls this sword from the most elaborate scabbard and weld the blade against some creatures it is a simple enchanted blade…BUT if one was to produce this bat-pommeled blade against a creature deriving power from the negative plane of energy AND if we remember that the aforementioned negative plane is where the powers of anti-life arise and present us here on the prime material and sometimes other places with unrestful dead. In other words the walking dead, the arisen, that hate all life. An..” “Shut up Felix, we get it. Sword for undead”, shouted everyone except Bob (and Sloth for totally different reasons). With that done Willy was afforded the opportunity for reflection. Willy had the distinct feeling that Agolloch was not happy to see such a mundane blade in such a fine scabbard, “You never get me anything nice and all I ever do is keep you alive…maybe you should think of me a little more. I don’t ask for much to be happy.” Agolloch openly stated for all to hear. This made Willy a little embarrassed but showed his sword who was boss, “Yes dear, I should do better”. The team felt a little bad for him just for a moment until they remembered that Sloth had disappeared. 

Sloth after all is simply a child in the shell of a monstrous man. Fortunately Sloth had light and was not facing any mummies that could trigger his PTSD. There was a door before him, polished obsidian and with a masterwork lock, not unlike the door to the previous chamber. He elected to turn around to see what was behind him. “Goody, somewhere to walk”, there was a ‘Z’ shaped corridor that led to a chamber. As luck would have it that with the help of a little detection magic the rest of the team, seconds later, were about to enter the same chamber from the opposite side from Sloth, “Hey you guys!!”. Bob didn’t say anything but she did wave as it was nice to find the big meatball. “Hold on just a moment Sloth, let us investigate the nature of this chamber before any of us proceed further” exclaimed Felix without garnering any grumbles as this was probably a good idea. Unfortunately for Sloth he was already confused. Fortunately Bob translated the natter into one simple hand signal that Sloth could understand, mostly because she had been training him for the last month waiting for the ‘A-Team’ to return to Helix.  

 ROLECALL

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C9) 259748 xp +10% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C8) 223988 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

Hobo Steve the Superhero (F8) 221633 xp +5% <240,001> CRT 1d24/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

            Touched from Beyond the Grave (Sloth): Eating disorder (x2 food) -5’ mve

            Blessing of Orcus (Consumption -1 CON)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 186470 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)

            Missing three teeth  

Raul the Voyager (MD8) 198015 xp +10% <240000> CRT 1d12/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 319718 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 20 teeth, drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT                            

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Sorcerer (W9) 413765 xp +10% <470001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

Bunny the Thief! (T9) 193265 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T8) 127288 xp +5% <160001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Mad Ribbits (FY7) 141685 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Sloth the Bopper (L7) 135460 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Mental Illness: Mummy-a-phobic

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 76671 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO7) 89166 <120000> +5% CRT 1d12/II

Lasting injury: Crushed spinal column -6”H, -5’mv, -10% thieving

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 93066 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d10/III

Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 26094 xp +10% <32000> CRT 1d16/IV

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  63619 <65001> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Greymin the Dwarven Hero (D5) 26295 <35000> +5% CRT 1D14/III

 

‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 59275 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Felix Ignatius Hemlock the previously Skeletal Sleuth (I7) 42208 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Mason the Canon of Yrrrg. (C6) 40211 <50001> CRT 1d10/III

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 45913 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON)  

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON) -ADJUSTMENT REQ’D

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swordsman (D3)

Wendul the Thaumaturgist (W5)

 

RESERVES

Yasser Imaphat the Djinn (D4) 30372 <32501> CRT 1d6/II – He didn’t want to come out of his lamp.

            

Elapsed Campaign Time

376 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session One-Hundred-and-Sixty-Six when we ask the questions:

What is the secret of this chamber?

Has anyone been paying attention to clues, have there been any clues?

Tale of the Tape

Sloth had only been teleported and didn’t get into any trouble

KILLS

Gigantic Gelatinous Cube 

Crypt guardian 

LOOT

4,934 cp garbage

1,269 sp garbage

606 gp

rope of climbing

1,427 gp

152 pp 

potion of something..

3,297 sp garbage

971 gp

Broadsword +1 flaming. 

Murder Time Stand Still (Session 164)

 SESSION 164: An Unexpected Twist in Time (March 2022)

            Bunny liked the Black Knight’s big ass tent. “Get rid of that creepy death god shit and pack this mother up. We got ourselves the chick-house™ or maybe the Babe-Flop™…hmm or quite possibly Bunny’s Dick Free Bivouac™. Helper monkeys! Get to work, I’m only here to chew gum and kick ass and I’m all outta gum…”. Sasha used this opportunity to head to the crest of the next hill to see what was happening as she was a little irritated that Ding-We was diverging from plan and thinking about hunkering down rather than running for the river. 

            Sasha noticed a couple things. One, a pair of enormous cave bears were on their trail. Two, those rotten wyverns were circling above most likely considering another attack. Sasha came back down to report her findings. The rest of the group were not really happy with this but were now back on the ‘run for the border’ plan. After Bunny made sure that her pavilion was fully shoved into Ding-We’s storage hole they all mounted up and rode hard for the Blood River. 

            They made it by early evening. A fire was spotted along the river bank and the snoops were sent to investigate. It was a party. “It’s-a-mother-fucking-mushroom-mayhem-and -booze-party! Game on pus buckets!” – ya that was Saff. Gnomes and woodland creatures singing dancing eating and drinking. Our hobos approached and were invited to join. Saff was already doffing what little clothing she normally wore. The gnomes had wicked moonshine and the animals could talk, this was totally a Walt like party. The evening wore on, like really kept going, but nobody but Saff knew and she did not care. When the shindig ended with dawn’s rise the gnomes created a bridge for all to cross over the river. “Why do you guys party here?” “Oh its because of those damnable fae, if we had a party over there it would be totally deviant and not Disney quality. Look at your friend, she will be fishing feathers out of all sorts of strange place for days to come. If we had more of them the level of debauchery would know no limit”. “Ohhhhh right”. With that all crossed the magic bridge and the two groups parted ways. It was at this time our group noticed that the morning was unexpectedly chill for mid-summer. “Saff! What just happened?” “We partied down with my pants off peg-leg, that was an intense month”….

Back in Helix. Boris and Charles had been back up on their feet for weeks and the conversation this evening turned to the whereabouts of Carla and company. “They have been gone for a month and a half now perhaps things have gone south for them that is our lot as MurderHobos” “No they are just delayed getting extra rich”. “One thing for certain is that we have not gotten any loot for far too long” “Here! Here!”. It was at this very time that the door to the inn opened and a noble woman entered. She panned her gaze across the room and then approached our hobos and introduced herself and then presented an offer of riches and adventure. 

The Lady Elyn Unari, youngest sister of Mendelar, wanted to hire our ragtag murderhobo B-Team to enter her brother’s tomb and retrieve a family heirloom, the Ring of Unari. The ring possesses powerful healing magic and she hopes to use it on her husband and others in her family who have succumbed to a strange illness that they will soon succumb to. Any other treasures found in the tomb would be a gangs pay. She warned of the rumours of deadly traps, foul monsters and terrible horrors.  

“Hold on. Your brother’s tomb? What is he a vampire or something?” 

"A terrible curse haunts the men of my family. Mendelar was a great man, but he too eventually succumbed to its evil. I hope to one day restore my family’s name to its former glory. My other family members remain in hiding for their safety and await a brighter future that you can provide us." 

“Oh okay... All other treasure is ours and all you want is the ring” 

“Correct”, she whispered as her hand reached into a pouch to produce a handful of gems and a map to seed and close the deal. 

“Alright Lady you have just hired yourself MurderHobos Incorporated™” 

“Return the ring to me at my home in Iron Guard Motte”, and with that she arose and left. 

This was a good time for Bret and Jermaine to step up and point out the operational weakness of the splinter group. “Fear not other bosses we have a solution. That guy over there, nobody likes him. He is a misfit thief due to his ethical constraints and the fact he seems to be unbound – always talking to himself. Weirdo will fit right in”. B&J then produced Willy the Reformed burglar to Boris and Company. We very quickly learned that Willy was not a MPD but possibly a thrall to his sword Agolloch the Eye of Purity that already seemed to have too much to say about things and got Charles’s sword Franz chirping as well. But fear not this is the ‘B’ squad after all and so they were happy to recruit the sword and its dude.

On the morning of the second day Boris led the ‘other horde’ out on a mission for gold and glory. The journey was a pleasant six hour hike along hunters and game trails through the forest to the north east of Helix. At the end they came to a clearing surrounded by spooky trees. An ornate stone well was the obvious point of ingress. Bob said nothing. Boris pulled out his mirror and used the powers of refraction, it was actually reflection but such onerous science is not often attempted by toothless murderhobos, to illuminate deep into the well. It worked and a ledge was spotted some 50’ down. Bob said nothing, as she climbed into the shaft. Once reaching the bottom she saw a passageway and errant bits of gear. Bob said nothing but gestured for the other lumps to work their way down. Ropes were secured and thrown in, quickly followed by the rest of ‘B Squad’.

The landing immediately presented some riddles. What is down that corridor? Is there secrets? What is up with the absolute blackness further down the shaft? A test suggested that going deeper was bad, the corridor had two levers and there was two secret revolving doors. The hobos took one of the doors and did not look back. It started with an eyrie corridor that had an ominous placard. Around the corner from this was a long descending stepped corridor. It was a slide trap that ended in nasty metal spikes. Most of the group did the slide of doom. Both Willy and Wendul ended up on death’s door due to quick restorative actions by someone in the bloody dog pile. They brushed off the near death experience and found themselves in at a T-junction, both ends having big stone doors. The west door was chosen. It opened to a room with six stone statues of warrior women carved with open mouths, as if screaming. The chamber aslos stunk and had all sorts of rotting meat and feces about the floor. Bob through in a flash bomb and then used her spidery ability and climbed into the chamber to look around, magics had suggested life was present and the consensus was it must be a medusa. There was no snake-haired women to be found. The door however did slam shut and lock a short interval after Bob’s entrance. The statues began vomiting forth fetid water that included the source of life - many vile shitgrubs. The chamber began filling with gross fluids. The grubs were not discovered until Wendul used ‘knock’ to open the door once more. They were hit by a wave of rancid water packed full of shitgrubs, nasty worm like things with a tentacled maw. The grubs had one chance before they were washed away. Wendul, preferring to were a more versatile short-robes mostly so folks could appreciate his classy ankles made a perfect target for a shitgrub to begin burrowing into his flesh. Fast action spared him from possibly dying more permanently after nearly dying just thirty minutes ago. 

Once the water washed out Bob was able to get down and check the other door in the room. Opening it revealed another chamber was largely devoid of much beyond three things. An empty jug, a human skull and a obsidian bat idol on a pilaster projecting from the back wall. The group entered the chamber to investigate. It was at this time that the insidiously camouflaged gelatinous walls struck. B-Squad made quick work of the goo. With the fake walls gone three more things were revealed: two alcoves and a passage to the east. The idol posed much curiosity until Wily gave it a pull that resulted in a secret door opening a passage to the north. They decided now was a good time to grab a quick rest and snack while Gurn untangled his weapon and armour.

  

ROLECALL

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C9) 259748 xp +10% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C8) 223988 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

Hobo Steve the Superhero (F8) 221633 xp +5% <240,001> CRT 1d24/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

            Touched from Beyond the Grave (Sloth): Eating disorder (x2 food) -5’ mve

            Blessing of Orcus (Consumption -1 CON)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 186470 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)

            Missing three teeth  

Raul the Voyager (MD8) 198015 xp +10% <240000> CRT 1d12/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 319718 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 20 teeth, drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT                            

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Sorcerer (W9) 413765 xp +10% <470001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

Bunny the Thief! (T9) 193265 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T8) 127288 xp +5% <160001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Mad Ribbits (FY7) 141685 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Sloth the Bopper (L7) 135460 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Mental Illness: Mummy-a-phobic

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 76671 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO7) 89166 <120000> +5% CRT 1d12/II

Lasting injury: Crushed spinal column -6”H, -5’mv, -10% thieving

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 93066 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d10/III

Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 26094 xp +10% <32000> CRT 1d16/IV

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  63619 <65001> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Greymin the Dwarven Hero (D5) 26295 <35000> +5% CRT 1D14/III

 

‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 59275 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Felix Ignatius Hemlock the previously Skeletal Sleuth (I7) 42208 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Mason the Canon of Yrrrg. (C6) 40211 <50001> CRT 1d10/III

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 45913 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON)  

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON) -ADJUSTMENT REQ’D

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swordsman (D3)

Wendul the Thaumaturgist (W5)

 

RESERVES

Yasser Imaphat the Djinn (D4) 30372 <32501> CRT 1d6/II – He didn’t want to come out of his lamp.

            

Elapsed Campaign Time

344 days at beginning of session A, Session B was 374 days (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session One-Hundred-and-Sixty-Five when we ask the questions:

How long was that gnome party? A- Look up.

Which way will they go?

Tale of the Tape

Almost had Wendul and Willy, I’m sure they won’t be so lucky next time.

KILLS

Shitgrubs (a bunch) 170

Gelatinous stun walls (3) 225

LOOT

A handful of small gems (10) at 25 gp each

Exit Stage Left (Session 163)

 SESSION 163: Enough of that Wretched Place

            After grabbing a breath the gang began bringing down the barricade to the horses. They were fine if not a bit irritated for being locked in a passageway but nobody speaks equine so the mumblings passed unacknowledged. The previous decision stuck, the hobos would not return to the Eyrie. First it was snack time for man and beast.

            A small hole was opened in the exit barricade so Sasha could get a look outside. It was a couple of hours pre-dawn. There was a pow-wow regarding if wyverns were active at night. The arguments were reasonable (cold-blooded and what not) but there is only one way to find out. The hobos would make a dash for the valley entrance 3 miles away. It was going to be a bit more challenging. The wyverns it seems are a constant environmental threat and a wing of them were dive bombing the hobos in no time. The purpose of the diving was for snatch and grabs, these lizards wanted something fresh for breakfast. The hobos took a good beating before turning the table with magics that convoluted what little brains the wyverns had to begin with. Additionally, Ding-We had an idea up his sleeve that included polymorphing one of the wyverns into the worlds largest earthworm. “Grab that thing we are going to need it!”. The hobos made the rest of the way to the valley entrance without obstacle. 

            Returning to the exterior mouth of the valley Ding-We unveiled his plan. “I tell you that nest has got to be filled with loot, Sasha get your spy glass out and assess. Worm handlers, quietly lay that thing out there in the open”. Sasha confirmed that big bird and the kids were unaware of their presence and were in a pre-waking state. Ding-We and Saff went invisible and flew up to the nest. A charm animal later and the roc had been convinced that collecting the giant worm for breakfast was a great idea. The young had their sleep extended and the looting commenced. The plan was good but the God’s were having fun. The nest was virtually devoid of loot. “C’mon!! A cursed potion and a sling, you have to be kidding?”. The birds were eating like kings as our hobos rode off.

            Sasha figured that the Blood River could be reached within the day if they rode hard. It was decided that these rolling hills were simply packed with wicked things and a run for the border was advantageous. Unfortunately there would be at least one more obstacle.

            Three hours later. Cresting a hill they looked down upon an odd sight sitting in the middle of an extra-large throw between hills. A large and colourful pavilion flying an unknown heraldry. Lurching around out front was a somewhat humanoid and somewhat pig-like being in rusty black chain hauberk bearing the same marking as the pavilion heraldry dragging a large and vicious looking black sword towards a stump surrounded by sharpening tools. Upon seeing our hobos the wretched creature made haste into the pavilion. Following this a loud grunt was heard and the thing came flying (hurdled) back out of the structure. Regaining its footing it brought forth a golden horn and let out a skronk. Stepping forth from the pavilion came a knight fully clad in gruesome black plate, swaggering and impressive. He approached his minion swatting it before picking up the wicked sword. The knight looked up at our hobos and with pointed finger it belched out a challenge, “I issue a challenge to you most impressive warrior to best me in one-on-one combat. If you win your reward will be an ancient pendant of great power. The power to return all those touching it home, where ever the activator declares to be such by simply saying the activation word – Zvid. However if you are a milk babies…None shall pass!”, the finger pointed at Steve or maybe Rhagnar it was tough to say. After some deliberation it was decided that the finger had indeed pointed at Steve, he would engage the Black Knight and he would be buffed up first.

            The field of battle was roughly a 50’ square area marked by even more flags. Steve stepped forth as the rest of the gang stood just outside watching. As he approached the knight uttered a prayer that seemed to be directed towards a certain dark god whom-shall-not-be-named. 

“Let it begin” croaked the Black Knight as he raised his sword, entered into battle posture and once more pointed at Steve. This time he felt something, the loss of his boons. The swinging then began and the match seemed fairly even until the knight nearly laid Steve low. Along with the bleeding came a wave of demonic energies that weakened Steve, he could feel his vigour leaving him as his lungs filled with mucous. It was around this time that the rest of the group discovered that the Black Knight had more friends. Arising from the earth came a host of shadowy creatures that struck out at the rest of the hobos. “That guy is a cheater!”, a shocked Ding-We exclaimed. “He is a demon you dolt what did you expect?”, chirped a strangely lucid Saffron. The hobos mobilized. Unlucky for them the knight was faster. With one hand he chopped poor old Steve and with the other letting loose a fiery bomb at the mob. This did resolve the shadow problem but also left a lot of vagrants in rough shape. The knight followed up with erecting a wall of ice. This held up reinforcements but fighting a battle on two fronts opened up an opportunity for Steve. He sundered the villain and before the Black Knight turned to smoldering ashes he ripped off the pendant and thrust it into Steve’s hand. 

            Our band stood victorious on the field of battle once more all accounted for. However Steve did look sickly. The clerics finished up their restorative works and the group entered the pavilion in hopes of sweet sweet loot. They did find some but had the distinct feeling once again that maybe there could have been more.

 

ROLECALL

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C9) 258283 xp +10% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C8) 222523 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

Hobo Steve the Superhero (F8) 220168 xp +5% <240,001> CRT 1d24/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 185005 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)  

Raul the Voyager (MD8) 196550 xp +10% <240000> CRT 1d12/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 319718 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 20 teeth, drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT                            

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Sorcerer (W9) 412300 xp +10% <470001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

Bunny the Thief! (T9) 191800 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T8) 125823 xp +5% <160001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Mad Ribbits (FY7) 140953 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Sloth the Bopper (L7) 135460 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Mental Illness: Mummy-a-phobic

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 75939 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO7) 88434 <120000> +5% CRT 1d12/II

Lasting injury: Crushed spinal column -6”H, -5’mv, -10% thieving

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 92334 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d10/III

Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 25362 xp +10% <32000> CRT 1d16/IV

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  62887 <65001> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Greymin the Dwarven Hero (D5) 25563 <35000> +5% CRT 1D14/III

 

‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 59275 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Felix Ignatius Hemlock the previously Skeletal Sleuth (I7) 42208 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Mason the Canon of Yrrrg. (C6) 40211 <50001> CRT 1d10/III

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 45913 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON)  

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON) -ADJUSTMENT REQ’D

Yasser Imaphat the Djinn (D4) 30372 <32501> CRT 1d6/II

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swordsman (D3)

Wendul the Thaumaturgist (W5)

 

RESERVES

Empty for now..          

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

344 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session One-Hundred-and-Sixty-Four when we ask the questions:

Can we get to the river without any more setbacks?

What about this pendant that Steve won?

What’s wrong with Steve now?

Tale of the Tape

Steve – Sacrament of Orcus (Consumption -1 CON)

Rhagnar smashed in the face by a wyvern -3 teeth

KILLS

Wyverns (5) 

The Black Knight

LOOT

Potion of delusion

Sling +1

6000 gp

Gems (12): 3500 gp

Jewelry (6): 4170 gp

Will Slither for Murder (Session 162)

 SESSION 162: Detours can be Dangerous Places

             After a much needed rest it was decided that minimally the horses needed to be checked on. Whether we would come back up was somewhat in question. This place was showing it’s true nature as a ‘festering sinkhole of evil’. It was decided they would head east and then along the main wall to the entry gates. 

            Not too many steps later they came upon a building in decidedly good shape beyond being covered in the dust of ages. The building was a black granitic stone and the door was of blackened iron. The door after being buffed up a bit was revealed to have engravings, some sort of ancient ophidian based symbology. The engravings were more similar to motifs found within the Nameless City on Carcosa than those that had already been observed in the Eyrire. 

            The hobos felt this was another chance at a pot of gold. Before Bunny could work on the door Ding-We elected to use a cantrip to open it. After whiffing on the loot haul within the Gem Prison they were hungry for a payday. The cantrip failed. The door was magically sealed. Dinger would have to use something a little more potent to crack it open. With a ‘knock’ the door was opened. The front lines pushed in. Shock of shocks the joint was full of snakes and there was a huge cobra statue, before a pit that was also full of snakes, with a naked chick atop the head doing her best snake-dance. The hobos came in a little too casually and lost the drop on the naked chick. “Blasphemers! Destroy them my children”.

            She was fast and dropped a blade barrier in front of the hobos while directing snakes to attack from the sides. Th front lines were quickly knee deep in serpents. In retaliation Ding-We conjured a wall of fire around the blade barrier and the sides from which the snakes were pouring in. “Smells like a chicken barbeque”, drooled Steve. There was some concern as the chick had now been revealed to be a high level cleric but it was deemed that her and some little snakes were no match for the hobo armada. Bimbles was able to dispel the barrier and Ding-We dismissed his wall so the assault could commence. They were rushed by four giant vipers that had presumably risen from the pit of snakes. The cleric had disappeared. Bunny and Ramrod were able to spot her once they positioned themselves on the ceiling – damn spider climbing abilities.  Subira (the cleric) had dropped into the shadows further back on the statues head, it looked like she was assembling her gear. The thieves crept forward looking to give her the shiv. The front lines held the giant snakes at bay while both divine and arcane powers were called down. Ding-We dropped a fireball into the pit blowing up and incinerating hundreds of snakes. Nara used the destructive power of her Carcosian mind to bow the head off of the statue. Evil Subira fell backwards down the statue, “Amaunet!” she screamed as our thieves pounced on her. Erupting from the pit covered in the charred remains of his children came Amaunet. It was a 15’ long demonic man-snake hybrid. As his fell gaze came upon the front line Rhagnar, Biff and Camillus collapsed in fear he then released demonic power to shatter the protective barriers erected by Bimbles and Carla. It then charged into the fray it was combat time! The thieves finished of the cleric but the demon was holding the hobos on its own slashing with wicked claws and thrusting forth its wicked spear. The demon then caught site of Carla. Filled with demonic glee it threw its spear. The weapon plunged into Carla’s green flesh after passing through the plates in her armor as if they were not even there and then Carla was gone. 

            Unbeknownst to the party Carla had been banished to the demon’s home on the 752^nd layer of the Abyss the plane of it’s master - Lachesis the demon lord of snakes. She was adrift in a waterless sea entirely made up of writhing snakes. The Sea of Snakes turned its attention to Carla. Biting and constricting. It looked like this vacation was going to end horribly almost as soon as it started.

            Back on the Prime Material the battle raged. The demon fought with a madness perhaps because it sensed that its priestess/ fuck-toy/ spawn-factory had been destroyed or maybe simply because demons are engines of chaos. Whatever the reason this behaviour diminished it’s advantage to death. However before this happened somehow Carla was not actually gone nor impaled on a spear that was actually in the demon’s hand. Carla fought with a vigour not often seen and all memory of her being banished evaporated from all minds. After this the demon was finished off and it disappeared in a puff of Abyssal hate gas.

            Forgotten by many but not Carla, she carried a very special little blue stone that when crushed could send all those within range back in time by ten seconds. Carla had to move quickly though as the clock was ticking and she was at the middle of an ocean sized ophidian feed ball. In the absolute knick of time Carla escaped her imminent death in the Abyss and came back fighting and fortunately avoided the critical blow that sent her there to begin with.

            With the furious battle complete we had made another enemy of a dark god that of course did not impede the commencement of the looting. The clerics began a ritual in hopes of some divine guidance, the sense of dread would not recede. As they made offerings the rest of the gang had discovered the treasure after digging through a mountain of fried dead snakes in the pit. It seems that Ding-We’s fireball had done significant damage to the loot. A king’s ransom in coin, gem and jewelry had been melted into a glob of slag that would require some work to break out. Greymin was excited to do the work, it was the closest thing to mining he had done for some time. His treasure sickness propelled his labour. Looking into the pit the smarter members of the troop realized that other things of ancient origin probably did not survive the blast.

            Carla and Bimbles had successfully established a link on the divine hotline. The accolade for undermining the forces of Chaos once more rung a bit hollow when they learned that the very presence of a mallor demon fouls liquids in it’s vicinity. That included all liquids, most importantly magical elixirs. This was a blow. Vial after vial lost. This may have solidified their next step – no more opening doors, back to the horses! They had victory and treasure but the Fates had found a new way to exact a toll.

            And like snakes the hobos slithered back to the front gate and through the ferris wheel chamber back to the chimney passage that lead to their base camp. “I sure hope the horses learned kung-fu while we were gone, that would really help”, mused the super not bright Hobo Steve.

            The thieves setup the descent line and entered into the chimney with the first load of hobos. The group began their journey down the chimney. About 100’ into the decent a ‘tack tack tack tack’ noise was heard coming from the darkness below. The man-snake demon had dispelled all of Carla’s light stones so the group was travelling with a little less illumination than usual (Rhags gem of brightness and a glowing Saff). As a less than agile Rhagnar tried to adjust his orientation on the rope to shine his light down a new horror appeared below. 

A stone coloured creature with the body of a spider and two draconic heads on long necks. The horror opened both mouths and expelled a strong stench of gas, and  then belched forth two streams of fire. Fortunately for the climbers the portion of rope within their hands was enchanted and did not get destroyed outright. Steve and Rhags dropped onto the beast while the thieves attacked from the sides. The creature created a web that engulfed Saff and partially obscured site for the rest of the group at the top of the chimney. If only the creature was not simply a bestial intelligence it might have killed Steve and Rhagnar but instead it was driven by blind bloodlust and this, in the end, spelled its doom. As the creature’s lifeless body fell the final 100’ with a juicy splat Steve and Rhags rushed after it in hopes of finding riches that had been sitting inside of its stomach(s). No such luck, just lots of guts and gore all over the place. Eventually the rest of the party made it down and the thieves decided to do another investigation of the chimney. About 50’ up they discovered a virtually invisible trap-door composed of stone and webbing. This was the spider-dragon’s lair. A short tunnel lead to a chamber with a number of desiccated humanoid husks most likely tomb robbers that had not been so lucky. It seems that once again fire had likely destroyed many valuables but there was a heavy leather backpack filled with gold coins. It was something. 

            The hobos progressed the rest of the way back to the horses without trial. Now they just had to dig their way back to the horses. A bit tedious but the stone barricade likely protected the mounts from the beast. They began moving the stones.    

 

ROLECALL

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C9) 250538 xp +10% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C8) 214778 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

Hobo Steve the Superhero (F8) 212423 xp +5% <240,001> CRT 1d24/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 177260 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)  

Raul the Voyager (MD8) 188805 xp +10% <240000> CRT 1d12/III

            Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.                               

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Sorcerer (W9) 404555 xp +10% <470001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

Bunny the Thief! (T9) 184055 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T8) 118078 xp +5% <160001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Mad Ribbits (FY7) 137081 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Sloth the Bopper (L7) 135460 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Mental Illness: Mummy-a-phobic

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 72067 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO7) 84562 <120000> +5% CRT 1d12/II

Lasting injury: Crushed spinal column -6”H, -5’mv, -10% thieving

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 88462 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d10/III

Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 21490 xp +10% <32000> CRT 1d16/IV

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  59015 <65001> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Greymin the Dwarven Hero (D5) 21691 <35000> +5% CRT 1D14/III

 

‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 59275 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Felix Ignatius Hemlock the previously Skeletal Sleuth (I7) 42208 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Mason the Canon of Yrrrg. (C6) 40211 <50001> CRT 1d10/III

Yasser Imaphat the Djinn (D4) 30372 <32501> CRT 1d6/II

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swordsman (D3)

Wendul the Thaumaturgist (W5)

 

 

RESERVES

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 45913 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 0 DAYS

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON) -ADJUSTMENT REQ’D

            

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 319718 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

            REMAINING RECUPERATION: 0 DAYS

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 20 teeth, drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

 

Elapsed Campaign Time

344 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session One-Hundred-and-Sixty-Three when we ask the questions:

Are we coming (back) or going? 

Will the horses still be alive?

Tale of the Tape

Carla went to the Abyss but was the one person with an escape trick - Booo

KILLS

Snakes hundreds 

Giant giant pit vipers (4) 

Subira High Priestess of Lachesis 

Mallor Demon 

Draconid 

LOOT

Snake plate (green) +2 (+2 vs. poison)

Snake Shield (green) +2 (+1 vs. poison when matched with armor)

Coin (gold & platinum) slag with embedded gems and jewelry (63,365)

            40,000 gp

            1,900 pp

            Gems (15): 3025 gp

            Jewelry (4): 1340 gp

5000 gp