Meat Sandwich (Session 327)

SESSION 327: The Dreaming Caldera Pt.9: The Master’s Due Reward & Other Tales 

One last twist before concluding the Dreaming Caldera afterwards a whirl of time that found the whole divergent timeline thing finally resolved. All groups were once more in Liwil as Winter finally began to recede.

 

Day 772 Continued IV (Underworld): Fatigue set in as our clam diggers stepped into the Master’s chamber to collect their god-bit destruction reward. The Master congealed as they entered a gestalt of rats. “You have destroyed the Chaos God and now I once more live! Your reward is upon you. Feed your new god Barglobax. I hunger!”. “Ah come on! Shenanigans! Nothing but shenanigans!”, Bimbles was greatly dismayed as the Demon smashed all those around it. Grok died immediately, smeared into the floor. 

This was not time for mucking about, another mighty blow from the entity would entail more casualties. MurderHobos activate! They were fast and this ended up just being an aspect of Barglobax, not yet fully powered. Bimbles attempted to turn the infernal being, “Crud it is beyond the power of Spinning Stars and Moons. Smash it now!”. Dolec was once more a machine sundering the thing of rats after Bunny, Azucar, Saff, Blerp and Carla teed up the demon with a host of injuries. Rat bits everywhere. 

“You will not be forgotten defilers…. I ever hungerrrrr….”

Well that sucked much like most demonic bargains. Not only were they tricked but there was nothing other than dead rats and cultist crap in this chamber. They returned to the trash room and tossed the Badgerfolk summoning orb into the secret tunnel. A few hours later Enoki returned. Saffron was forced to release Blerp the Ogre as he would not fit in the tunnel and Enoki was very skeptical of having an ogre in her village. Saff was already majorly bummed that all she had left of her bugbear was an ear and now she had to send her favourite ogre home. It was done but she took a strip off the clerics. Bimbles made notes, he knew Rammer would also appreciate some of the crazed fairy’s curses. Down the badger hole they went.

 

Day 773 thru 787 (Badgerville): Carla called down TMB to bring life back into Lester’s corpse. It worked. During the paladin’s convalescence Azucar returned to his village to collect a conveyance for his two invalid elvish ‘brothers’. He returned with a reindeer drawn snow wagon (with his primary spellbook and more Elves..). Mazucar and Spazucar, along with a lot of coin were loaded for the return to the mysterious Mountain Elf village. Carla and Bunny sensed that Azucar behaved differently than his clansmen, not a totally aloof dick, and accurately assessed that he had been bitten by the wander bug. Bunny presented a proposition to Azucar and he accepted. For some period of time he did want to travel, explore, murder and get rich doing it. He bid his people fair travels before retiring with his beloved spellbook. 

Five days later our heroic gang set out for Newville.  

Day 788 thru 795 (BadgervilleàNewvilleàHelix): The first leg of what could be quite the journey was uneventful. They spent only to days in Newville. Just long enough for closing business, mostly trying to let down little Timmy softly – the hobo life is brutally short, just like you little fellow. Bimbles does not really understand eloquence. They almost made it back to Helix unscathed. 

The final night they were attacked by a band of trolls. In hindsight, perhaps having a virtually non-existent fire emboldened the gross rubbery beasts. The fight was a chaotic mess and Bunny’s pavilion was the lone casualty. Some coin and real nice jewelry softened the loss. Back in Helix they found that they had four squads of unmounted troops hanging around waiting for their new employers. Nice. Even better, Muzzah was very pleased with all the heroic work completed. So much so in fact he broke his “your strong enough now to take care of yourselves rule” and unstoned Nara and Charles. “Now get out of here… well until I have need of you again..”, Muzzah pointed at the door. A couple of days later the hobo legion set forth for Liwil – wagon train ho! 

Ding-We may have wanted different things the crew however wanted to return to the home lands and raise a dozen pints with friends long not seen. Winter was not over, only receding. They could get back to work when the first leaves of Spring showed themselves. 

 

Day 796 thru 806 (HelixàLiwil): One of the nice things about travelling with an army is that even though you cannot hide your presence your presence dissuades many encounters. Only the most foul and powerful (or mindless) would consider predating on such a force. Winter’s grip now well loosened meant that the most formidable frozen hunters had withdrawn back to the northern wastes and the killers of the warm months slumbered yet. 

There were a small number of perfunctory clashes. 

Lumbering dead insatiable and mindless. 

Haranguing beastmen whom broke at  the first sign of force.

Animals moved well away, only distant howls.

No men, neither brigand nor crazed wizard they all rested around stone hearths plotting future malevolence.

Yes, this was solely the time of the traveling fools and none surpass our hobo army.

Perhaps a cold and calculating eye(s) assessed our ambling mob, making observation and cataloguing for future endeavour…

Ten days after setting out as the buds began to ripen Bunny and the vanguard caught first sight of Liwil. 

In a few short hours MurderHobos Incorporated would finally be reunited for the first time in many months. 

 

The A-Team: Bunny, Carla, Bimbles, Saffron, Charles, Dolec Da, Nara, Lester & Azucar

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 380989 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 345224 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Bunny the Thief! (T10) 336834 xp <400001> +10% CRT 1d24/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY8*) 210437 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

UN-PETRIFIED - Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 116268 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

UN-PETRIFIED - Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 89866 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 83553 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

UnDEADed - Lester Flanders the Guardian of Oceana (P6)  54969 xp <95000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

Azucar the Elven Myrmidon Warlock (E6) 82428 xp <120000> +5% CRT 1d8/II

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

806 late afternoon at end back in Liwil

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Twenty-Eight when we ask the questions:

What is next for our massive horde of MurderHobos?

Should we add Barglogax to the list of entities bound to seek bloody vengeance at some point in the future?

Tale of the Tape

Lester the Paladin of Oceana sundered by Gnolls and then raised. Praise TMB!

Nara and Charles ended their stay at the petrification hotel. Praise Muzzah!

Enslaved by Saffron: Blerp the Ogre was released & Grok the Bugbear was splatted & Chory the Dwarf is still gone.

Troops recruited (Bunny): Crossbowmen (20), Archers (20), Heavy Footman (40) plus commanders 

KILLS

Aspect of Barglobax 

Trolls (8) 

LOOT

Finally decided to open the Heckling’s sack.. thieves reaping a thief’s benefits

442 pp

690 gp

910 sp

Assorted gems and jewelry worth 2900 gp

6000 gp

Jewelry (7) 1300,400,500,1200,1300,900,1300 = 6900 gp

Travesty as Usual (Session 326)

SESSION 326: The Dreaming Caldera Pt.8: …And the Crowd Goes Wild 

(Chaos) God is dead and its servitors were real unhappy with that.

 

Day 772 Continued III (Underworld): With the chaos god slowly devolving into soup Blerp the ogre pointed out that the music had stopped and the crowd in the theatre were stirring into a fanatical rage. Saff & Azucar were sent through the illusory barrier (nullifying it) between chambers. The audience were not happy. The smarter of which saw our two stinkers and began yelling fowl things. It would not take long before the mob goes wild.

The first of four fireballs, during this grand melee, was discharged from a wand into the middle of the theatre. There was over a hundred of the Chaos God’s minions present. A good many were consumed in the conflagration but many more remained and they now saw the blasphemers. Sure some of the rabble had their moral broken but many others streamed towards the stage once they regained their bearings. The rest of our hobo gang streamed out of the god-chamber and covered the stage. In hindsight this choice really exposed them to all the remaining forces of evil. The harpies began to sing and they ensnared Bimbles. Concurrent with that the Acolytes were able to ‘hold’ the charmed Bimbles, Dolec and Lester. The paladin faced the worst of it as multiple gnolls delighted in burying their blades deep into the holy warrior. The second fireball was released killing the evil clerics of chaos. This ended their paralyzing grip on the three at the front of the stage. Blerp was holding the bugbears on one side of the stage as Azucar held the gnolls on the other. Saff helped out by knocking down six of the gnolls with a sleep spell. Then Dolec and Lester were held again as the acolytes continued to undermine the hobo frontline. Lester was turned into a piñata he was standing dead as his fluids sprayed from his many holes.

                                    “Why… did I ever come to the surface world?.....”

 

Our hobos kept ending up a step behind the opposition. Saff loosed another fireball once more ending the ‘hold’. During this time Bimbles wandered off to join his new masters, the gross but topless harpies. Carla stepped into the gap left by the fallen Lester. Bunny leapt onto the wall and crept upwards and across the ceiling trying to catch up with a now disarmed Bimbles that was wandering away with his skanks. Dolec jumped off the stage to better wade through the beastmen. Blerp was holding the line but needed help, so Saff made a new best friend Grok the bugbear. This allowed the ogre to smash the remaining pair of buggies. Being joined by Dolec made Azucar’s job much easier and the gnolls were doomed. Bunny dropped one of the last two harpies. The last fled as Carla was able to dispel Bimbles’s enthrallment. 

The fight had now run its course. The theatre was a smoldering pit of carnage. 

The hobos victorious once more but for the first time in a long while they were reminded of the cost of recklessness.

Bandaging and looting followed. The fireballs had likely incinerated a bunch of loot but they still came up with a bunch of coin, gems, jewelry and a couple of neat items (axe and trident). They then fell back to the god-chamber and had Blerp yank out the huge golden heart, about 85 lbs. of solid gold soldiers pay. The heart was strapped to his back and he once more picked up the two desiccated elves in rocking chairs. Grok slung dead Lester over his shoulder. Saff’s two henchmen fell into the back of the line as our gang pressed on. Next stop pickup Saff’s dwarf. She really was building quite the entourage. 

They were wary that the Sisters could be on the prowl and took measures to determine such. The corridors were strangely, some would say eerily, quiet. No dragons. Returning to the Blood Bank, Chory the dwarf was gone (and so was his chest). Presumably things probably got dangerous when the music stopped. 

Disappointed they began a very circuitous trip that ended before the Master’s chamber once more. “We ain’t done gettin’ paid yet”, Bimbles eyes sparkled with the true avarice of a MurderHobo.

 

The A-Team: Bunny, Carla, Bimbles, Saffron, Charles, Dolec Da, Nara, Lester & Azucar

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 363590 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 327825 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Bunny the Thief! (T10) 319435 xp <400001> +10% CRT 1d24/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY8*) 201739 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

PETRIFIED - Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 116268 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

PETRIFIED - Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 89866 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 74855 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

DEAD - Lester Flanders the Guardian of Oceana (P6)  52155 xp <95000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

Azucar the Elven Myrmidon Warlock (E6)

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

743b days at beginning of session (Boris & Friends just outside of Liwil)

766a (Bunny Group Newville/ Dreaming Caldera) Busy until 779

724d (Ding-We Gang Lake of Abominations/ Liwil)

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Twenty-Seven when we ask the questions:

What fabulous award awaits us for smiting god-bits?

Where are the Sisters?

Is the joint super quiet because everything is dead or gone?

Tale of the Tape

Lester the Paladin of Oceana sundered by Gnolls

Nara and Charles continue their stay at the petrification hotel.

Enslaved by Saffron: Blerp the Ogre & Grok the Bugbear & Chory the Dwarf (but we don’t know where he is)

KILLS

Orcs (10) 

Gnolls (20) 

Acolytes (20) 

Goblins (10) 

Bugbears (9) 

Harpies (4) 

Ogres (5) 

LOOT

Golden Heart (85 lbs.) 60,000 gp

3,000 gp

6,000 sp

Gems (2): Flawed pearl 10, Wonderful Ruby 1000

Jewelry (3): platinum earrings 1100 gp, gold and diamond tiara 1400 gp, intricate gold bracelet 800 gp = 3300 gp 

Scroll: Protection from Lycanthropes

Hand axe of  XXXX?

Trident of  XXXX?

Attack of the Meat Pile (Session 325)

SESSION 325: The Dreaming Caldera Pt.7: Godflesh 

The final battle is upon us, the face-off with the Chaos God (or something)!

 

Day 772 Continued II (Underworld): It was time to loot the weavers chamber and figure what to do with the ‘god-wig’. The old half-worm bags had jack shit. In fact their two chests only contained desiccated elves. “Mazucar! Spazucar!”, screamed Azucar. It was the other two members of his raiding party. The weavers had sucked all their beauty from them but they still clung to life, just barely. The shrivelled bodies were unpacked and fed a healing berry, to little observable effect. Perhaps they were slightly more alive it was difficult to tell. After investigating the elves it was thought that months of bed rest and healing could facilitate recovery. For now they were completely incapacitated. After some thinking they were each tied to a rocking chair that Blerp could carry under each arm. Attention now moved to the southern door. 

Bunny listened and could here odd sounds, not creatures but of stuff doing things perhaps machinery. Beyond was the ‘Blood Bank’, giant dripping metal vats, elaborate overhead plumbing, puddle-covered floors, dim yellow light from hissing gas lamps. A lone aproned dwarf with shoulder-length seal-skinned gloves waddles between tanks, turning valves. A narrow access tunnel leads east. 

Saffron charmed the dork. We didn’t need any headaches. They learned some things from the twerp. He simply seemed to have found a way to preserve himself and get paid for it. They told the dwarf they would return after committing some deicide. He seemed skeptical but gave them a ‘thumbs up’ nevertheless. 

Falling back they were attempting to move cautiously past a pair of dragon lair doors when a bunch of whacked out chaos fanatics danced through and into the Sisters’ acid vault. Our gang were able to steal a quick glance before the doors closed . Nothing much beyond the gross green glow illuminating a glassy black bridge, much the same as they had seen spanning the chasm on the upper floor. Next stop was the theatre, after a momentary distraction by a half dozen lumbering neanderthal zombies. This would not have been so ‘surprising’ if anyone had asked Blerp where the passage lead…

The Auditorium: A crowded candlelit theater. Curving polygonal tiers of bench seats slope downwards towards a stage at the southern end of this trapezoid-shaped room. At least one hundred humanoids–goblins, orcs, gnolls, harpies, armored men, and ogres sit in attendance. They’re serenaded by punctuated spurts of blisteringly loud, otherworldly soprano scream-singing emanating from the stone tunnel behind the stage. Massive frescoes line the walls depict a golden youth rising from an ocean of melting bodies. A display of mangled corpses is impaled on stakes at the front of the stage. At this time the audience appeared to be in a sleepy daze in between god-screeching sets. They cautiously and quietly ended the chamber and slunk along one of the walls to the stage before darting down the back passage. 

 

Next stop was the final battle (with the Chaos God, well not really read on to find out).

 

A gargantuan cavern; the edges of reality here bleed away to white. 

A mountainous mound of foul-smelling compressed garbage shifts slightly; it’s merely the skullcap of the incomplete godling. Its 200’ body lies vivisected, arms akimbo, awaiting completion. Waves of wriggling filth washes over its skin in skittering waves. 

A massive gash in its chest reveals a 5’ beating heart of pure gold in a pool of sizzling acid. Its perpetually wet mouth bellows a hypnotic and revolting melody akin to a phlegmy child singing a nursery rhyme backwards. 

The sight and sounds tore at their feeble hobo minds. 

The golden strands of Azucar’s hair around their wrists glowing for a moment of protection magic allowing their minds not to melt. Saffron and Carla (after drinking a potion) flew towards the partially assembled entity after Bunny tossed a silence stone in the vicinity of its head. No one wanted to hear any more of that vile song. Carla tossed a sweet water potion into the acidic cleave holding the heart as Bimbles cast lower water. The plan was to kill the god quick like. It caused damage to the incomplete shell but the heart continued to beat, acidic blood or not. Moving within proximity of the golden heart activated the Archangel of Chaos, the real threat. First from somewhere in the darkness above a death ray shot down to disintegrate Carla. The Green-Queen was able to raise the Armature of Palanthis to intercept and diffuse the ray. They flew upwards into the darkness to find the source of the bolt.

They found it. “AHHHHHHH I don’t like it! Wrong Wrong Wrong”, screamed a Saffron at the limits of her already fractured mind.

Archangel of Chaos: A pink and flapping creature of wings and eyes. Resembling skinned, uncooked chicken. Next it produced a sickening trumpeting sound, from somewhere. Resulting in multiple murderers being frozen in place. Carla got in the things grill somehow fending of its continued attacks. They almost had it and then it rejuvenated its gross form. The fight started all over again. Green eye-ray beams, trumpeting of paralysis and divine magicks of a dark slant. The fight repeated. The gross twisted mess tried its damnedest to nuke our heroes but they was on a mission from Ghad. It hit the floor with a sickly splat just as Dolec severed the vile black aorta connecting the golden heart to the Chaos god. Now it was done. The behemoth began to melt along with its winged abomination. 

“Hey new friends. I don’t feel so good and my old friends in the theatre are sounding not so happy”, contributed Blerp. 

“Ah crud. We didn’t have a plan for them did we…”, Bunny trailed off as she slunk into a shadow. 

“Shitstorm incoming”, Dolec hollered as he jumped off the liquifying god carcass and ran towards the connecting corridor.

Fight on!

 

The A-Team: Bunny, Carla, Bimbles, Saffron, Charles, Dolec Da, Nara, Lester & Azucar

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 363590 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 327825 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Bunny the Thief! (T10) 319435 xp <400001> +10% CRT 1d24/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY8*) 201739 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 116268 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 89866 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 74855 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Lester Flanders the Guardian of Oceana (P6)  52155 xp <95000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

Azucar the Elven Myrmidon Warlock (E6)

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

743b days at beginning of session (Boris & Friends just outside of Liwil)

766a (Bunny Group Newville/ Dreaming Caldera) Busy until 779

724d (Ding-We Gang Lake of Abominations/ Liwil)

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Twenty-Six when we ask the questions:

What about all them dopes in the theatre? 

What about the Sisters?

What about the reward from the Master?

Tale of the Tape

Nara and Charles continue their stay at the petrification hotel.

Enslaved by Saffron: Blerp the Ogre & Chory the Dwarf

KILLS

Zombies (6) 

Archangel of the Chaos God  

Vessel of the Chaos God 

LOOT

Close but not yet.

Back in the Locust Furnace (Session 324)

SESSION 324: The Dreaming Caldera Pt.6: Life is Easy 

Things continue to be weird deeper into the dungeon, Saff makes a new friend whom averts walking into double dragon trouble.

 

Day 772 Continued (Underworld): Down the stairwell to the tune of rapturous screams and hammering, what a swell joint. Carla covered the group in silence to counter their often noisy operations. The first stop in the passage was two doors. Behind one hammering could be heard and the other sounded like construction works. Bunny choose the hammerin’ door. 

Inside was another workshop staffed by four annoyed ogres trying to discern a god-bone schematic. Rock-filled bins and worktables line the walls. A crude illustration of a rib on vellum is nailed into the wall. Four ogres squint at the illustration and bash rocks with stone hammers. A large stone, very roughly bone-shaped, sits on a workbench surrounded by pots of glue. The brutes were fully engaging their communal 17 braincells. 

In snuck our gang and then wham-o. The ogres were quickly neutralized, three dead and the final held and charmed – we will call him Blerp. Saff was quite happy with herself. She had been missing Sloth something fierce now she had a pet ogre to fill the big mook role in her life. Well at least until they return to Liwil…or maybe two mooks is even better than one. We shall see. During her musing the clerics smote the incomplete god-rib while Dolec shook the bodies for loot. “Hey these guys are like baby giants. Look at all this gold, jewelry, gems and a potion an da scroll!”. Bimbles eyes lit up, “Let’s see the serious goods, and one of those gold necklaces”. He potion was an intriguing bubbling green juice, sadly without label, and the scroll…”Well that sucks. Its gobbledegook”, complained the cleric as he tossed it to Azucar for inspection. The elf took a quick look, “these will be useful” as he tucked the scroll away. 

Moving across the hallway the door opened to a very large chamber housing a rock mining operation. Natural stone walls, high ceilings, echoing sounds of shouting and the squeak of straining rope. Crews of chained, beleaguered neanderthals strain at ropes fed through massive groaning winches to transport wicker gondolas of neanderthal miners up and down four 20’ diameter bore holes. Eight distracted ogre taskmasters bark orders at the exhausted cavemen. All parties were preoccupied and a little was away. Even though there was lighting around the work area there was lots of shadows around the walls, just right for a Bunny to disappear into. Saffron and Blerp stayed just outside to watch their backs and not to create any conflict with the charmed ogre whom acknowledged all these ogres as ‘brothers’. We could not tell if this was ogre-talk or genetics and decided to avoid putting Blerp in an ‘us or them’ situation. Carla cast sticks to snakes and then the bulk of our troops went in to join a well-hidden Bunny inside the cavern. Snakes were released and tanks charged. The ogres were flatfooted. This battle like the previous flowed pretty smoothly ending with four captured ogres and forty confused and exhausted Neanderthals watching it all go down slack-jawed style. The captives were lowered into one of the bore holes, they couldn’t be fully trusted to just run away – they were deeply in thrall to the ‘music’ after all. The primitives were a dumb lot but were able to explain two things. One, there were more or them in the sick room to the north east. Two, they were abducted from their home tunnels at the bottom of one of the other bore holes. The sub-humans were released back into the subterranean wilds and our gang moved back to the corridor to find the others of their kin. Dolec was once more pleasantly surprised by a good haul of loot for limited danger, “Things are turning around guys we aint wieners no more!”.  

Back in the corridor a smart idea came to the fore, Blerp was queried about the other Neanderthals. He confirmed there was a barrack that house the dirty lot currently full of the sick and gross. Blerp also mentioned the ‘guard fire hounds’. This was troubling sounded like Hell hounds, not necessarily a wanted entanglement. Someone was smart enough to dig for more info from Blerp. He then shared the fact that having an ogre escort would result in the hounds not activating. Blerp led them to the primitive barracks at the other end of the entry corridor was the hellhound pen. A trio of the demonic dogs were there but went back to hound lounging when Blerp gave them a wave. Inside the chamber, it was beyond squalid. Stone pallets for overworked neanderthals too exhausted to move. 18 weary, injured, or sick Neanderthals huddled together in this filthy hovel. Our team rolled in and quickly began administering aid much to the confusion of the sub-humans. One rose up, Thag, definitely dumb like the rest but a bit more talkie than grunty. After some help Carla explained that his brethren had been released from their bondage. Thag liked this and asked if they could join friends. Carla agreed and they escorted this lot back to the bore hole chamber. 

As they walked backed Bimbles asked Blerp what lay beyond a pair of ornate double doors, “Oh the Sisters live there”. “…And who or what are the Sisters Blerp?”. “Oh they dragons. They make acid blood for god”. “…two…jeez…Lets go check the other door in the mining chamber after dumping the chumps”.

Returning, Thag and company thanked their liberators and then descended deeper into the depths. Going north they came to the other set of doors to the acid chamber just around the same time a dancing troupe of brain-dead acolytes in a euphoric haze, They danced right past and into the dragon sisters chamber. We quickly closed the doors behind them, not wanting any ‘entanglements’. Going further, the fourth god-bits workshop was discovered. Soft yellow light from oil lamps, hanging swathes of silk, large wooden chests, and an enormous nest of shimmering golden thread. Five noseless women with elaborate braided hair sit on wooden rocking chairs or lean over spinning wheels. They had long, segmented worm torsos in place of legs. They would have been welcoming and congenial but the team just simply stormed the chamber. These hair-hag-worms were an alert bunch. The bums rush did not work out super great. Two were engaged but the other three utilized their innate ability to ‘web’ bad guests. All of a sudden half the team were gummed up in webs. Bunny leapt to action activating her flame brand to ignite the webbing covering Carla and Lester, “You may feel some burning…”. 

Azucar and Dolec were left to do the dirty work. Before victory the fight dragged on with more webbing and burning but the hags were not successful with any other attacks. 

“Whew… Almost thought we were on the chump train again”, came from Dolec as they all turned their attention to the contents of the chamber and the partially obscured door across the room.

 

The A-Team: Bunny, Carla, Bimbles, Saffron, Charles, Dolec Da, Nara, Lester & Azucar

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 363590 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 327825 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Bunny the Thief! (T10) 319435 xp <400001> +10% CRT 1d24/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY8*) 201739 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 116268 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 89866 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 74855 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Lester Flanders the Guardian of Oceana (P6)  52155 xp <95000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

Azucar the Elven Myrmidon Warlock (E6)

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

743b days at beginning of session (Boris & Friends just outside of Liwil)

766a (Bunny Group Newville/ Dreaming Caldera) Busy until 779

724d (Ding-We Gang Lake of Abominations/ Liwil)

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Twenty-Five when we ask the questions:

What treasures does the Weaver chamber hold?

What’s behind the door?

Are we gonna go after the Sisters?

Where is ‘god’?

Tale of the Tape

Nara and Charles continue their stay at the petrification hotel.

KILLS

Ogres (12) 

Weavers (5) 

LOOT

11,000 gp

Gems (6): 10,100,50,50,100,10 = 320 gp

Jewelry (6): 1500,900,1100,900,1000,1100= 6500 gp

Green potion

Scroll: sleep, levitate, clairvoyance

The Master's Bedroom Is Worth Spending A Night In (Session 323)

SESSION 323: The Dreaming Caldera Pt.5: The Master’s Chamber 

Returning to the dungeon the Master is uncovered and a new ally gained before descending deeper.

 

Day 772 (Underworld): After a good night of rest in the badgerfolk village the gang was brought back to the dungeon via the secret tunnel. Before leaving Enoki gave Bunny a steel ball, “If you throw it into the tunnel it will return to the village and we will collect you from the dungeon”. Bunny thought that was nifty. 

Once more the boat was pushed to the side and the gang crawled back into the trash/ storage chamber. Not much had changed accept for the smell. The dead bugbears had begun to fester in the warm volcanic chamber. They collected their push cart and moved along. Back into the feather chamber and then into the previously unexplored chamber at the western extent of the connecting passage. 

The Shrine Dump aka The Master’s Chamber: Rats skittered across a teetering trash pile composed of smashed statuary, rotting tapestries, candles, and religious paraphernalia. A leering stone demon face peeked out from the heap a dead rat was draped across the stone demon face. Lester had just enough time to blurt out, “I say that is my dead rat!” before it rotated its head and spoke. 

“Kkkkccckk...you...defilers. You are different than the ckkkkkk brainwashed rabble of this place. Kkkkkk...I sense that you have been serving me…kkkkkckl…are you here for your reward…?”

Bimbles reflected for a moment remembering the greasy Red Prophet’s prophecy, “No no no, not yet we have destroyed but two pieces. We want the WHOLE reward. We shall return when all four have been bashed to smithereens”. “Kckckckkl..Very well…bring vengeance upon the Chaos god…”, the rat’s head returned to the prone position and spoke no more. 

They left the chamber and returned to the trapezoidal crossroads all was quiet.

There were three options back down the central passage to the stairs down, the door to the acid chamber or the unexplored door to the south east. The door it was. 

A small and damp chamber housing an old water pump and a mossy trough. Clumps of moss and tiny mushrooms grew on the wet floors. Looking at their map Bunny thought the room was a good candidate for closer inspection. She found a forgotten secret revolving door. Beyond was another small room. A makeshift jail cell, lightless and squalid. Shackles chained a lone elf to the ground, pecked and bloodied by an errant chicken. Shovels, rakes and other farm implements were piled against the northern wall and a door was on the western wall presumably leading to the chicken coop.

The elf was Azucar the sole survivor of the elven assault team that had been imprisoned and then forgotten about, left to be slowly tortured by the chicken perhaps. Despite his physical condition his spirit was unbroken, “Pain is temporary. Glory is forever!” he was eager to ally with our hobos to destroy the Eater of Dreams. He offered all a strand of his golden hair, “ Tie this around your wrist it will protect you”. After some aid and equipping they returned to the trapezoidal crossroads. 

“Oi! You lot wahts yous doin ‘ere den?”, a group of four ogres were present. They were obviously looking for people to eat but were showing some caution in the selection process. Dolec told then they were very busy doing something or the other for someone or the other. The ogres were disappointed by this confusing statement,”…Uh. Ok. You keep werkin… We was just checkin”. The gang quickly pushed their cart past and then down the lightless black volcanic glass southern passage to the stairwell down. Lester and Dolec shined their light down into the steamy blackness. Hammering could be heard not too distant. 

Azucar shouted, “No fear!”.

 

 

The A-Team: Bunny, Carla, Bimbles, Saffron, Charles, Dolec Da, Nara & Lester

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 363590 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 327825 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Bunny the Thief! (T10) 319435 xp <400001> +10% CRT 1d24/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY8*) 201739 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 116268 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 89866 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 74855 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Lester Flanders the Guardian of Oceana (P6)  52155 xp <95000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Azucar the Elven Myrmidon Warlock (E6)

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

743b days at beginning of session (Boris & Friends just outside of Liwil)

766a (Bunny Group Newville/ Dreaming Caldera) Busy until 779

724d (Ding-We Gang Lake of Abominations/ Liwil)

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Twenty-Four when we ask the questions:

Will we take up the Master’s rewards program for god-bit elimination?

What does the lower level(s) hold?

Tale of the Tape

Nara and Charles continue their stay at the petrification hotel.

KILLS

none

LOOT

zilch

Make Automatons Great Again (Session 322)

SESSION 322: The Dreaming Caldera Pt.4: Building a Better Messiah 

Things continue to be “messy” but our heroes find a reprieve, will it only complicate matters in the end?

 

Day 771 Continued(Underworld): “The dead rat went thadda way ya dumb-dumbs”, Saffron pointed across the chamber to a door on the south wall. There was another door but we were fixated on finding the rat that would lead us to the ‘Master’. Beyond the door was a t-corridor. This way or that way? West was chosen. The rat had gone east but this would not be figured for some time. 

They had made it maybe 20’ and were inspecting an alcove when noise could be heard coming nearer from the eastern extent. Sounded like wooden wheels and scrapping, perhaps along the walls. Bunny went ahead invisibly. An empty push wagon manned by four hobgoblins whom immediately barked out a series of questions at the visible portion of the party, “What are you zombies doing?” “Why aren’t you working harder?” “Who’s your foreman?” Before they could get to their point the hobs felt the end of hobo sword points. The cart was liberated “for official business reasons” and our gang continued to the west.

Going west they came to a portcullis or a passage into a dimly lit chamber. There was a button within a security box very near the barrier but they chose the chamber. They liked the prospects of leading with the cart. 

“SSsss what do we have here? Ohss whats wonderful freshss human werkerzz”, came from a robed, medallion adorned and topped with a huge gold crown lizardman.

There were giggles from his workers that were clearly ghouls, that numbered eight.

The chamber was smoky from an unventilated forge. Bins and worktables lined the walls; a 3’ dripping, rough textured, tooth- shaped thing stood on a pedestal in the center of the room. 

The ghouls appeared to be laboring to build a part of their new god (Reminder: these italicized bits are usually lifted from whatever adventure we is playing i.e. The Dreaming Caldera. Play it. Enjoy it). 

They hammered eggshells into compacted bricks of baked, calcified porcelain. The brick are glued together in a mold to form an enormous tooth. The incisor here was nearing completion. 

 

It quickly became apparent were Gurk was so unctuous, the hobos would provide a wonderful fleshy morale boon for his workers. This was when shit got real. Both parties were in an unacknowledged standoff. Hobos twitched first and the ghouls went feral for flesh. The wagon was not as helpful as hoped, it actually limited movement. The front-line was swarmed and Dolec was held by whatever paralytic pathogen ghouls excrete. The holy rollers decided to simultaneously call down the vanquishing light of their respective gods. It was a light show but no ‘Kablam’. 

Gurk’s large crystal medallion glowed in response and swallowed the holy light. 

The ghouls were ecstatic with flesh lust. 

                                                Flesh Eating Ghouls from Outer Space!

The fairy missed with her shot at the necromancer. Lester worked his way around the cart and into battle. Gurk then cast a web upon Bunny and Lester. It was up to the clerics and Saff to get something done. The ghouls were upon them with claws and festering fangs. With the big fail on the turning the hobos realized they were in serious trouble. Ghouls were tearing off Dolec’s armor to get to his flesh and with two immobilized in the web the number of ghoul attacks per adventurer had gone up. Bunny was able to activate her flame brand and ignite the web. Her and Lester would have to burn to escape the sticky threads. It was time for desperate measures as Dolec’s life hung in the balance. The funny thing is that the bad guys were not really all that formidable the hobos just had to get their hands dirty, so to speak. Carla bashed down the first ghoul as Bimbles freed the now almost dead Dolec from the ghoul paralysis and Saff began tenderizing the necromancer. They got lucky and none succumbed to another wave of ghoul lust. Bunny and Lester were now slightly singed but free. The hobos leaned into the ghouls and the boss-man-lizard.

The tables turned. 

Moments later the battle was over.

Bimbles smote the ‘god-tooth’ with his mace, “Fuck yo’ tooth!” before smashing Gurk’s evil anti-turning medallion. 

Healing magics. Healing magics. Healing magics.

That fight was a train-wreck but Gurk’s huge golden crown would be darn good pay.

 

Taking the northern door they once more found themselves in the pentagonal cross-roads. West was the only untravelled option. They found themselves on the other side of the portcullis. “I guess we should have opened it”, opined Bunny. 

Bimble’s ignored her as he looked into an adjacent chamber. 

Kettles simmered over small, open flames. Bins and worktables line the walls; a large, ghoulish orb of milky putrescent albumen balances on a low table in the center of the room and stinks powerfully of sour and egg. Four harpies were poaching hundreds of egg white. 

It looked like they had found the god-eye workshop. They pushed their cart in and acted dumb. The harpies were rather involved in their holy works so to start they just told the gang to get lost. When they did not comply the stinky bird broads got irritated and began to sing their beguiling song. Hobos closed in and the harpies realized something was up. This fight went much better than the previous and was closed out expediently. Each wore exquisite gold and platinum ankle braclets. The god-eye was popped and they back tracked all the way to the southern door of the chicken chamber. Now proceeding to explore the eastern passage, “I guess my rat actually went this way…” came from Lester. 

Down this passage they ran into, were run into, by a lone female badgerfolk. It took a little negotiation but they made an ally whom knew something about the dungeon. Enoki was nearly dwarf sized but broader and hairier overall with large clawed hands made for burrowing. She was making to escape the dungeon via a secret badgerfolk tunnel and offered respite to the crew. They wholeheartedly accepted. Moving further east and then north Enoki pointed out a stairwell that went deeper into the dungeon but could provide no further detail on it. She then lead then to a trapezoidal crossroad, feathers filth, wagon tracks and three doors. They took the SE door. The northern connected to the acid chamber and Enoki did not know what was behind the NW door. 

The first chamber they came upon had great drifting piles of dirty feathers and nose-tickling dander fill the room to the ceiling. 

They passed through into what appeared to be a trash/ storage chamber. 

A staggering array of disorganized miscellanea and festering garbage. Folded clothing, piles of rotting chicken feet, barrels full of pole-arms, coils of hemp rope, a small sailing ship, a neat stack of human corpses in a puddle of brown fluid. 

Inside were another four hobgoblins exhausted and dirty, dumping crap from another wagon. When their attempt to coerce the gang into labour they quickly found out that the hobos, “Had not heard the music”. They were quickly slaughtered.

Behind the small sailing ship was the Badgerfolk Tunnels. 

Soft and constantly collapsing. Ran for miles all the way down the mountain to the badgerfolk forest. 

Enoki leapt in and called out to the hobos to follow. “Keep up and stay in my wake. We will be home before you know it”. 

It took but a couple of hours as they seemed to have almost been on a slide. 

After introductions they were warmly welcomed into the clan. 

Attended by the healer, well fed and then rested (once more bitterly dreamless). After breakfast Enoki once ore took them to the tunnel. Even up hill the journey only took an additional hour or so. She wished our hobos well and reminded them to put the boat back in its place after they re-entered the dungeon.

 

 

The A-Team: Bunny, Carla, Bimbles, Saffron, Charles, Dolec Da, Nara & Lester

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 363590 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 327825 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Bunny the Thief! (T10) 319435 xp <400001> +10% CRT 1d24/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY8*) 201739 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 116268 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 89866 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 74855 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Lester Flanders the Guardian of Oceana (P6)  52155 xp <95000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

743b days at beginning of session (Boris & Friends just outside of Liwil)

765a (Bunny Group Newville) Busy until 779

724d (Ding-We Gang Lake of Abominations/ Liwil)

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Twenty-Three when we ask the questions:

Two god bits down, what next?

How many god bits is there?

With a twelve hour break on the board will the denizens be on alert?

Why haven’t we heard the music?

Tale of the Tape

I don’t know how Dolec is not dead, I must be getting soft.

Nara and Charles continue their voyage down the petrification river.

KILLS

Hobgoblins (8) 

Gurk the Lizardman Necromancer 

Ghouls (8)

Zombies (3) 

Harpies (4)

LOOT

8 gp

Huge golden crown 4000 gp  

Platinum and gold ankle bracelets (4) 2000 gp each

Badgerberries (20) d4+1 hp spoil in 30 days