SESSION 164: An Unexpected Twist in Time (March 2022)
Bunny liked the Black Knight’s big ass tent. “Get rid of that creepy death god shit and pack this mother up. We got ourselves the chick-house™ or maybe the Babe-Flop™…hmm or quite possibly Bunny’s Dick Free Bivouac™. Helper monkeys! Get to work, I’m only here to chew gum and kick ass and I’m all outta gum…”. Sasha used this opportunity to head to the crest of the next hill to see what was happening as she was a little irritated that Ding-We was diverging from plan and thinking about hunkering down rather than running for the river.
Sasha noticed a couple things. One, a pair of enormous cave bears were on their trail. Two, those rotten wyverns were circling above most likely considering another attack. Sasha came back down to report her findings. The rest of the group were not really happy with this but were now back on the ‘run for the border’ plan. After Bunny made sure that her pavilion was fully shoved into Ding-We’s storage hole they all mounted up and rode hard for the Blood River.
They made it by early evening. A fire was spotted along the river bank and the snoops were sent to investigate. It was a party. “It’s-a-mother-fucking-mushroom-mayhem-and -booze-party! Game on pus buckets!” – ya that was Saff. Gnomes and woodland creatures singing dancing eating and drinking. Our hobos approached and were invited to join. Saff was already doffing what little clothing she normally wore. The gnomes had wicked moonshine and the animals could talk, this was totally a Walt like party. The evening wore on, like really kept going, but nobody but Saff knew and she did not care. When the shindig ended with dawn’s rise the gnomes created a bridge for all to cross over the river. “Why do you guys party here?” “Oh its because of those damnable fae, if we had a party over there it would be totally deviant and not Disney quality. Look at your friend, she will be fishing feathers out of all sorts of strange place for days to come. If we had more of them the level of debauchery would know no limit”. “Ohhhhh right”. With that all crossed the magic bridge and the two groups parted ways. It was at this time our group noticed that the morning was unexpectedly chill for mid-summer. “Saff! What just happened?” “We partied down with my pants off peg-leg, that was an intense month”….
Back in Helix. Boris and Charles had been back up on their feet for weeks and the conversation this evening turned to the whereabouts of Carla and company. “They have been gone for a month and a half now perhaps things have gone south for them that is our lot as MurderHobos” “No they are just delayed getting extra rich”. “One thing for certain is that we have not gotten any loot for far too long” “Here! Here!”. It was at this very time that the door to the inn opened and a noble woman entered. She panned her gaze across the room and then approached our hobos and introduced herself and then presented an offer of riches and adventure.
The Lady Elyn Unari, youngest sister of Mendelar, wanted to hire our ragtag murderhobo B-Team to enter her brother’s tomb and retrieve a family heirloom, the Ring of Unari. The ring possesses powerful healing magic and she hopes to use it on her husband and others in her family who have succumbed to a strange illness that they will soon succumb to. Any other treasures found in the tomb would be a gangs pay. She warned of the rumours of deadly traps, foul monsters and terrible horrors.
“Hold on. Your brother’s tomb? What is he a vampire or something?”
"A terrible curse haunts the men of my family. Mendelar was a great man, but he too eventually succumbed to its evil. I hope to one day restore my family’s name to its former glory. My other family members remain in hiding for their safety and await a brighter future that you can provide us."
“Oh okay... All other treasure is ours and all you want is the ring”
“Correct”, she whispered as her hand reached into a pouch to produce a handful of gems and a map to seed and close the deal.
“Alright Lady you have just hired yourself MurderHobos Incorporated™”
“Return the ring to me at my home in Iron Guard Motte”, and with that she arose and left.
This was a good time for Bret and Jermaine to step up and point out the operational weakness of the splinter group. “Fear not other bosses we have a solution. That guy over there, nobody likes him. He is a misfit thief due to his ethical constraints and the fact he seems to be unbound – always talking to himself. Weirdo will fit right in”. B&J then produced Willy the Reformed burglar to Boris and Company. We very quickly learned that Willy was not a MPD but possibly a thrall to his sword Agolloch the Eye of Purity that already seemed to have too much to say about things and got Charles’s sword Franz chirping as well. But fear not this is the ‘B’ squad after all and so they were happy to recruit the sword and its dude.
On the morning of the second day Boris led the ‘other horde’ out on a mission for gold and glory. The journey was a pleasant six hour hike along hunters and game trails through the forest to the north east of Helix. At the end they came to a clearing surrounded by spooky trees. An ornate stone well was the obvious point of ingress. Bob said nothing. Boris pulled out his mirror and used the powers of refraction, it was actually reflection but such onerous science is not often attempted by toothless murderhobos, to illuminate deep into the well. It worked and a ledge was spotted some 50’ down. Bob said nothing, as she climbed into the shaft. Once reaching the bottom she saw a passageway and errant bits of gear. Bob said nothing but gestured for the other lumps to work their way down. Ropes were secured and thrown in, quickly followed by the rest of ‘B Squad’.
The landing immediately presented some riddles. What is down that corridor? Is there secrets? What is up with the absolute blackness further down the shaft? A test suggested that going deeper was bad, the corridor had two levers and there was two secret revolving doors. The hobos took one of the doors and did not look back. It started with an eyrie corridor that had an ominous placard. Around the corner from this was a long descending stepped corridor. It was a slide trap that ended in nasty metal spikes. Most of the group did the slide of doom. Both Willy and Wendul ended up on death’s door due to quick restorative actions by someone in the bloody dog pile. They brushed off the near death experience and found themselves in at a T-junction, both ends having big stone doors. The west door was chosen. It opened to a room with six stone statues of warrior women carved with open mouths, as if screaming. The chamber aslos stunk and had all sorts of rotting meat and feces about the floor. Bob through in a flash bomb and then used her spidery ability and climbed into the chamber to look around, magics had suggested life was present and the consensus was it must be a medusa. There was no snake-haired women to be found. The door however did slam shut and lock a short interval after Bob’s entrance. The statues began vomiting forth fetid water that included the source of life - many vile shitgrubs. The chamber began filling with gross fluids. The grubs were not discovered until Wendul used ‘knock’ to open the door once more. They were hit by a wave of rancid water packed full of shitgrubs, nasty worm like things with a tentacled maw. The grubs had one chance before they were washed away. Wendul, preferring to were a more versatile short-robes mostly so folks could appreciate his classy ankles made a perfect target for a shitgrub to begin burrowing into his flesh. Fast action spared him from possibly dying more permanently after nearly dying just thirty minutes ago.
Once the water washed out Bob was able to get down and check the other door in the room. Opening it revealed another chamber was largely devoid of much beyond three things. An empty jug, a human skull and a obsidian bat idol on a pilaster projecting from the back wall. The group entered the chamber to investigate. It was at this time that the insidiously camouflaged gelatinous walls struck. B-Squad made quick work of the goo. With the fake walls gone three more things were revealed: two alcoves and a passage to the east. The idol posed much curiosity until Wily gave it a pull that resulted in a secret door opening a passage to the north. They decided now was a good time to grab a quick rest and snack while Gurn untangled his weapon and armour.
ROLECALL
Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C9) 259748 xp +10% <300001> CRT 1d12/III
Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm
Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C8) 223988 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III
Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm
Hobo Steve the Superhero (F8) 221633 xp +5% <240,001> CRT 1d24/V
Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)
Touched from Beyond the Grave (Sloth): Eating disorder (x2 food) -5’ mve
Blessing of Orcus (Consumption -1 CON)
Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 186470 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV
Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)
Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)
Missing three teeth
Raul the Voyager (MD8) 198015 xp +10% <240000> CRT 1d12/III
Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4,
Removed one of his own nostrils.
Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 319718 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV
Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face
Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm
Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)
Multiple Injuries: lost 20 teeth, drools a lot CHA -1
Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT
Ding-We the Peg-Legged Sorcerer (W9) 413765 xp +10% <470001> CRT 1d10/I
Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)
Bunny the Thief! (T9) 193265 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II
Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand
Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T8) 127288 xp +5% <160001> CRT 1d20/II
Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)
Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)
Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp
The Henchmen
Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Mad Ribbits (FY7) 141685 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III
Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen
Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts
Sloth the Bopper (L7) 135460 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)
Mental Illness: Mummy-a-phobic
Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 76671 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II
Wraith Drained: -1 CON
Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO7) 89166 <120000> +5% CRT 1d12/II
Lasting injury: Crushed spinal column -6”H, -5’mv, -10% thieving
Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 93066 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d10/III
Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 26094 xp +10% <32000> CRT 1d16/IV
Camillus the Myrmidon (F6) 63619 <65001> +5% CRT 1d16/IV
Greymin the Dwarven Hero (D5) 26295 <35000> +5% CRT 1D14/III
‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 59275 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II
Felix Ignatius Hemlock the previously Skeletal Sleuth (I7) 42208 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II
Mason the Canon of Yrrrg. (C6) 40211 <50001> CRT 1d10/III
Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 45913 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV
Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON)
Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON) -ADJUSTMENT REQ’D
Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swordsman (D3)
Wendul the Thaumaturgist (W5)
RESERVES
Yasser Imaphat the Djinn (D4) 30372 <32501> CRT 1d6/II – He didn’t want to come out of his lamp.
Elapsed Campaign Time
344 days at beginning of session A, Session B was 374 days (also applies to recuperation)
Join us for session One-Hundred-and-Sixty-Five when we ask the questions:
How long was that gnome party? A- Look up.
Which way will they go?
Tale of the Tape
Almost had Wendul and Willy, I’m sure they won’t be so lucky next time.
KILLS
Shitgrubs (a bunch) 170
Gelatinous stun walls (3) 225
LOOT
A handful of small gems (10) at 25 gp each
No comments:
Post a Comment