Seven Years No Posts.
Shall we begin with a series of poorly written session recaps?
Why the hell not.
Editing, coherence and general quality will vary wildly. This campaign is ongoing, approaching 150 sessions. So many borrowed pieces, sources now foggy.
World: Pat Wetmore's Land of a Thousand Towers.
Adventure: A.S.E. funnel. Most certainly a cheap riff-off of something by Gus L. (DungeonofSigns) or Pat (Henchman Abuse) or somebody else whom deserves an apology.
Rules & Resources: B/X, LL, DCC, LotFP and whatever else catches my eye or pops into my head dating back to the glory days of G+ and Blogger. The OSR has been a deep and vast ocean that I continue to trawl.
SESSION 1 RECAP: My New Life as a Murderhobo (9 April 15)
After a somewhat treacherous period of character generation, that resulted in 8 stillborn characters we had assembled a party. This motley collection (16) that included: dirt farmers, street vendor, librarians, Elvish hippies, a engineering student who could find solutions, a couple of Dwarves of variable repute, Halfling twins loaded with pastries, a crusty alcoholic fisherman, a dandiette, cleric in training, an obnoxious twit and a robot.
Life began in chains, fresh from the womb and still connected to the old umbilical chord it would seem. The group awoke in a strange and filthy kitchen in a giant cuddle pile with four others, making them twenty, in what appeared to be blockhouse. Somehow absconded from there regular lives from across the lands. How long has it been? We have no idea.
Enter the Hunchback Henchmen (10), bald and creepy looking midgets in trench coats with “frowny” faces tattooed on their foreheads. They heralded the arrival of their master Lord J. Decay. A tall and lanky fellow with a gaunt face, hook nose, a pompadour hairstyle and a flowing cape. He looked every bit the second rate Satanist that he was later surmised to be. “Hey guy!” No one acknowledged this greeting.
“I’m evil and you are my sacrifices to the dark lord.”
“Ya heez da bozz!”
“cuz he gotz the power”
“Decay!Decay!Decay!”
Lord Decay then gave forth a creepy snort type thing and went off on some wicked jag: powers, evil, rise up, rule, master, revenge, never have to work, it will all fall right into his hands blah blah blah until our of photo-hobos group felt like they had contracted his halitosis.
Once Decay began to wheeze and cough the litany ceased and he lurched away. Into the next room to prepare for his dark ritual with some serious water bong hits, of this no mistake could be made. And serious they were.
With the stink burnt weed thick in the air Decay returned to the group in the kitchen. He appears to have painted a grim skull face on his face but the white paint showed very little contrast with his complexion. It was at this point that his dufus like nature began to shine through. He began to gloat about his power to come and how evil he was, showing off his “evil ring” to confirm such statements. The Hench-backs then proceeded to untangle the group and lead them into the next room for the main event. “Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Sacrifice!”
From the filthy stinky kitchen into the filthy stinky living area and makeshift summoning chamber they moved. 10’ from the portal a summoning circle had been inscribed on the floor: blood, chalk, candles and something that smelled undesirable it was constructed. A bed in the corner a couple of junk laden bookcases and a table, covered in dead rabbits,with four chairs adorned the room. Additionally there was a tapestry hanging in the window that displayed an inverted pentagram and “I’m a very evil fellow” was painted on the back wall. With that the ritual began.
“Zardoz, Beeblebrox, Slarganar” and other crap that no one understood issued forth from Decays gaping maw. He began to frantically wave his arms towards the lineup of captives and the HenchBacks sprung to action. The first two offerings were brought to him, their throats were slit and blood was sprayed into the summoning pentacle. This then occurred again but from the other side of the pentacle. The room grew cold the candles flickered, “Starglanar I demand you appear and give me power Starlaglanar I command!” From the pit something did appear, and happy it was not.
“Who dares summon me?”
" What fool are you?”
“Hey guy I am Lord Decay and I am the master of evil who controls you!”
“You worm are hardly a morsel!”
The party cowered in terror in the presence of such an otherworldly being, averting their gazes so as not to lose their sanity.
Oddly the Henchbacks continued to dance and give praise to their master Lord Decay. Even though the portents were not coming up rainbows...
“%$@@&*!#&” Bellowed the beast, it was really not happy, and then expelled great and really evil magics into the room.
A searing wave of heat rolling forth from the Abyssal beast. Lord Decay finally knew the meaning of, marshmallows in a frying pan. This would be Decay’s final trick pulling off a very convincing Obi-wan Kenobi disappearing act. Leaving only an empty pile of smoking clothing as his soul was consumed and his flesh obliterated. The crowd went wild.
The party was buffeted by a purple wave of gaseous heat, it likely would have been toxic if any of them had not forgotten to breathe.
And then it, the beast, was gone. Amazingly so was all the metal that had been in the blast radius.
The party was released!
Unfortunately, also vaporized was the unnamed robot-escapee it probably had a story to tell…
At this point 6 of the Henchbacks used this opportune moment to make a quick escape. The other four seemed enraged at the loss of their master and leapt upon the party with clubs. Chaos ensued, four members of the group dashed out the door and the others grabbed whatever makeshift weapons they could and sought their revenge. Fortuitous was it that all the furniture had fallen apart without nails. It was quick and with only one serious injury to the group. Rabbit bits flew about, table legs and bits of book cases rained down a quick retribution.
Much to the delight of the drunken fisherman he found 4 bottles of brandy in the kitchen and proceeded to drink the first, sweet sweet nectar, which was well deserved after a keen eye and some astute decision-making.
The four retuned from outside with a spade and a rake in hand, “defense”, and reported that they were in the middle of a giant cornfield. It was more than a little odd, as if the house had been dropped into the middle of a cornfield as there were no apparent pathways or trails. Maybe there was something more to Ole’Decay… BUT since nobody looked beyond their personal goods in the crawlspace the many orange haired female corpses were never found we won’t discuss witches...
Let the looting begin! Personal goods were retrieved from the crawlspace and there was treasure to be appropriated from the now departed J. Decay. Most importantly a map was found showing the lands around the city of Denethix and gave some insight to the wizard’s evil machinations.
The party settled in for the night to recuperate, drink, eat rabbit stew and plan their next move. Dawn came on, as it often does, and the newly formed band of murderhobos setout southwards in search of a road and civilization. Through the cornfield they went collecting husks, discussing birdcalls and how to manage their newfound wealth. It was this dopey lack of attention that allowed for the remaining 6 Henchbacks to successfully ambush them from behind. The crushing reality of the adventuring lifestyle hit home as 4 party members met their makers before the buggers were defeated. One of the Halfling brothers got the business end of a stick through his ear holes, the shifty dandiette had her skull collapse, Fred wasn’t smart enough to prevent the front of his throat meeting his spine, causing his twenty sided die to fall from his free hand producing a 20, and it was with his one last gasp he called out "Gygax why?”, a question that will never be answered. The fisherman, wise and drunk beyond his years was mashed into a pulp and became just another corpse that now lies in an unmarked grave.
And so It was decided that the fallen were almost friends and deserved more than being left to rot in a wizards cornfield. After burying their dead the group pressed on Southward until they found the road and turned east towards Denethix.
A number of hours later they found respite in the lowly dirt-farming community of Chelmfordshire. The Muddy Cup tavern greeted them. Inside was a rustic yet comfortable space. A good natured and pragmatic inkeep ran the establishment along with his business partner Dave the retired ranger whom was in the back at the time. `
As the party sought information, libation, commerce, temporary wealth storage and accommodation one of the street vendors made his nature as a pestilent boil uncomfortably obvious. After some tense moments where he probably should have parted ways with his internal organs a timely interruption occurred and saved him a great deal of discomfort. This being the reason for RRD’s presence, he really had better things to do, and had caused him to be much more prone to anger than he had been for a long long time. Returning to the interruption...
In burst two mercenaries (Terry & Phil) attempting to recruit aid for their caravan that had been waylaid nearby in the wildlands (foothills of Mt. Rendon). The party seemed somewhat unresponsive to this, as they were feeling keenly aware of their own mortality. The Son of Dirt Farmer lead the skeptics and was mystified why Retired Ranger Dave did not lead the charge, I guess SoDF just doesn’t know there is a difference between retired and retarded. Unbeknownst to them RRD had been hosting a MHA meeting in the back and really had to get back to it as it was personal story time.
T&P then offered to split the gold that was to be found in a massive chest that was being transported in hopes of firing up the murderhobos lust for treasure. The group seemed to be swaying just as the tavern door again burst open. Four more bodies poured into the tavern. They carried the distinct odour of murderhobo…
Join us again for session two, when we ask the questions:
Who are deeze guyz?
Are we heroic or what?
Tale of the Tape
8 dead at generation
1 disintegrated Robot escapee
4 senseless deaths by Hunchback Henchman clubs.
The Crusty Drunken and yet still wise beyond his years Fisherman known as Uthag
The Shifty Dandiette whom went without name
Half of a pair of halflings, known as the other Figgens and also Mart, although Mort seems more apropos.
Poor Fred the Engineering student of the dodecahedral dice set (crayon included) had such a bright future until he met a Henchback named Slig4...
Loot
500 gp
75 sp
4 bottles of very-good brandy, one now inside of a dead fisherman
a map of lord decay’s plans on the local region
a Kraken shell concertina
Ghost in the egg
7 sets of Hunchback leather armor
Lord Decay’s spellbook
2 books
How to copulate with an ooze and live to talk about it
How to control your friends while winning enemies
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