SESSION 14: Murdered Hobos in the House of Flowers (28 Dec 15)
Standing before the yawning stygian depths with map in hand our hobos proceeded towards destiny. Well some of them do, a small garrison is left at the oak tree to guard Ding-we as he communicates with the dryad. Down the steps and through eerily empty rough-hewn passageways. Ending at a passageway a chimney leading down into the depths. Down they went into the abyssal vent. As they worked there way down strange refractions of light danced below, luring them deeper. Splorp! They dropped into a room with a squishy floor. Actually it was the fresh corpses of the dwarven digging team hired by Abelia Prem. It appears that the have just died from an indeterminate cause. “We must loot!” “Yes we must!” A fine fine fine hammer is discovered, certain to fetch a hefty sum. Then a noise comes from the “not watched” tunnel. Two creatures appear, giant plate like glowing eyes large hairless and brutish both canine and ogre like. All goes white as the creatures release a blinding flash of light from their giant orbs. Do you get the feeling these were watching us the whole time? Blinding all but two the beasts launch into the hobo squad and the first error begins to play out without mercy. The creatures quickly get the upperhand with Nancy falling to the onslaught, and then Calvin dies his first death. The battle raged on and eventually our dimebags take down the first and then the second subterranean horror. Back to looting the dead dwarves and then stacking then on top of the fallen comrades. Nothing is too good for a dead murder hobo. They press on as they suspect that their destination is just ahead, and in fact it is. They come to the shoreline of an underground river, perhaps the Styx perhaps not. Three dwarven canoes rest along the bank as well as a black rose bush with a single flower black flower.
Ah-ha the power of resurrection is ours, we is gonna be rich!
Umm maybe we should bring back Calvin?
What? No way we wanna get rich!
It was his mission.
Gah riches where are our riches…
And with that the body of Calvin was collected and the rose stuffed into his gub. Much like Frosty and his magic hat Calvin became Calvin the Bold Lazarus, or some such magical thing. He opens his eyes to what appears to be his naked (mostly) self in a creepy bukkake circle. Before we can explore this any further, somehow, probably magically as everything is always about magic the Three-foot-fetishist-witches appear on the scene. An embarrassingly naked Calvin the Bold Lazarus, perhaps we should just call him a unicorn instead it would save time, gacks out one spent Stygian rose. The witches don’t look amused.
Well he died trying hehehe
Hehehe yes he did
Shut up you two!
Hand it over fool.
Dime a dozen idiots, next time we will send the flying monkeys…
With one slimy spent Stygian rose in-hand the three disappeared in a puff of smoke that smelled vaguely of stink foot. The group makes their way back to the tree to rest and regroup for a day or three. They quickly become bored and another expedition is mounted to go below. There must be more treasure. Nope just a bunch of cave bats and shit don’t turn out well. Figgens dies to a fluke bat-robatics accident. Raul shoved his own cutlass up his nose to messy and lasting effect. Narrowly avoiding death.
This would motivate most sane folk to retreat back to camp. Our hobos instead further push their luck. It holds for the time being. They return to camp with a new idea, “Let’s further explore the above-grounds”. Well they do some investigating until they ran afoul of some buzzards dressed in finery. Things went bad quickly once the band realized that it is hard to hit things that are flying with swords. They elect to runaway, the first good idea they have had in awhile. Unfortunately Monocle the Buzzard gets a critical peck into Lenardo’s leg rupturing an artery. Blood sprays and it looks as if we are about to lose another hobo, but his long forgotten suturepede kicks in and saves the day. Back to the atrium they went to hide for a few more days. They would have rested through it to if it were not for those giant ants...
Ding-we finally woke up to share his quickly fading from memory conversation with the dryad. To the house they went as Gweeb, Ding-we and Bimbles schemed for a way to make it theirs. In the front door they went and upto the dinning room. Covered in spider webs it was, just screaming out for the same treatment as the spiders in the ASE- BURN THEM OUT! But no, our vagrants know imagined themselves as astute business peoples who would not risk an investment.
"We cannot risk damaging our future home!"
And so they launched an arrow into the webbed up room. This was sufficient to cause the already watching and waiting spiders to launch. They attacked like lightening, immediately killing Gweeb. The party fell back on their heels unprepared for such brutality. Saffron kicks Ding-we in his ear hole to bring him back to reality and complete his incantation. ~~SLEEP~~ And then it was over the three horse sized abominations collapsed to the floor and the gang smeared them good. Alas, this would not return Gweeb from the clutches of death.
Now madness set in. With so many losses the band became completely mercenary terminator’s, Sarah Connor? Sarah Connor? Sarah Connor? Door after door was kicked in, as only treasure would fill the holes in their rotten little hobo souls. They encounter Walter the Wight (Lusus Naturae, R. Chandler) whom is most interested in good stories and his missing pipe that was wisely returned. He did share one interesting tidbit regarding the Black Monastery somewhere in the foothills to the west being a place of interest in respect to the death cult that they had crossed paths with: Jay Decay and the horrors of the House of Erasmus. Then a wild man in Abelia’s bed and bed dress was quickly dispatched.
Finally into the servants quarters they went kicking in one door after another until there bull-in-a-china-shop-routine backfires. They all poured into the third or forth identical room to discover that an ivy asp had taken residence up in the bed. Needless to say it was not happy about the disturbance and launches into Calvin the Bold Lazarus’s face. It’s mouth wraps around an eyesocket injecting venom into his very brainpan. He dies, again. Yord removes its head from body. But then somehow miraculously Calvin the Bold Lazarus rises, somewhat dumber due to the brain venom, as Calvin the Bold Lazarus of Jesus! He then collapsed in need of some serious convalescing. And with that our band thought it was a good time to return to Mellus. Mainly to try to buy Abelia’s property but safety had some consideration as well. They tossed Raul and Calvin in the pub and proceeded to the Mayor’s office to see if they could purchase Prem manor. After some running around paying fees, getting legal representation (Lucius Flemy of Splemy, Splemy & Flemy), then processing of paperwork to find out that the property has a present assessed value of 50,000 gp and was not considered vacated as taxes were uptodate for an undisclosed period of time. Foiled on this front the band came up with another idea, rent a couple of carriages and load them up with hot swag from the Prem estate.
They loaded up with books and plants and then made their way back home in Denethix. Dropping off the deadbeats, Raul and Calvin the BLoJ, they paid a visit to Bleep-Blorp, Lou of Lou’s Liquids and Remy of Marigolds Planty-Things, moving big piles of swag. Then they returned to the apartment to find Rahgnar up and about and fixin for some murderhoboing.
ROLECALL
Carla the Priestess of TMB (C3) 5182 xp +10%
Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm
Ding-We the Conjurer (W3) 5179 xp +5% (made it by 63) + 250
Gweeb the Priest (C3) 4866 xp +5%
Bimbles the Priest of GSS (C3) 4562 xp +5% (156)
Hobo Steve the Warrior (F2) 3449 xp +5% (101)
Calvin the Bold Observer (MM2) 1934 xp
Raul the Scout (MD1) 1420 xp
Lenardo the Student (S1) 1173 xp
Light wound: permanent loss of two fingers (pinky and next) left hand
Figgins the Halfling Veteran (H1) 1138 xp +5%
Light wound: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp
The Henchmen
Mighty Yord the Warrior (F2) Re-Hire required
Nancy Wrathful the Warrior (F2) Deceased
RESERVES
Rahgnar the Dwarven Veteran (D1) 958 xp
REMAINING RECUPERATION: 6 DAYS
Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)
Boris the Dwarven Swordmaster (D2) 2904 xp
REMAINING RECUPERATION: 16 DAYS
Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face
Ramrod the Robber (T3) 3133 xp +5%
REMAINING RECUPERATION: 20 DAYS
Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)
Scars: Neurological damage to hip noticeable limp
Elapsed Campaign Time
27 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation)
Join us for session fifteen when we ask the questions:
Did we learn anything from that shitstorm?
Is everything that glitters gold?
Where to from here?
Are Saffron’s frogs good eating?
Tale of the Tape
Calvin was dead and then he arose again only to be bullied into a room that had an asp that bit him in the eye socket spraying venom into his brain pan and mostly killing him again. But he arose again, just somewhat dumber now if he lives through his bed rest he will arise for a third time.
Nancy’s wrath was spent in the depths her employers were not using their wits and it cost her life. See now sleeps with the dwarves…
Bimbles dodged death at the cost of three teeth.
Figgens no longer breathes as an inopportune dive-bombing cave bat hit him in the chest stopping his heart.
Raul lost motor control and nearly cut his own fool face off, he now has a blow hole- yuck.
Lenardo narrowly escaped death by buzzard as they were bravely committing a tactical reorganization. He triggered his quality Church of Science suturepede upgrade to undermine the terminal arterial bleeding coming from his thigh.
Gweeb suffered a painful and unnecessary death at the mandible of a giant spider as it bit through one of his mighty cleric arms severing bone, sinew and artery.
KILLS
2 Vorago
5 Cave bats
4 Giant ants
3 gaint crab spiders
Wild man
Ivory Asp
LOOT
Echo Doom
126 gp
756 sp
3 silver daggers
3 bttls of Elfin wine SOLD
smashed golden rose
smashed silver chandelier
29 volumes of The Journal of Leopold Malando SOLD
150 assorted books about horticulture, botany and sculpture
NOTES
500 gp credit with Bleep-Blorp
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