Travesty as Usual (Session 326)

SESSION 326: The Dreaming Caldera Pt.8: …And the Crowd Goes Wild 

(Chaos) God is dead and its servitors were real unhappy with that.

 

Day 772 Continued III (Underworld): With the chaos god slowly devolving into soup Blerp the ogre pointed out that the music had stopped and the crowd in the theatre were stirring into a fanatical rage. Saff & Azucar were sent through the illusory barrier (nullifying it) between chambers. The audience were not happy. The smarter of which saw our two stinkers and began yelling fowl things. It would not take long before the mob goes wild.

The first of four fireballs, during this grand melee, was discharged from a wand into the middle of the theatre. There was over a hundred of the Chaos God’s minions present. A good many were consumed in the conflagration but many more remained and they now saw the blasphemers. Sure some of the rabble had their moral broken but many others streamed towards the stage once they regained their bearings. The rest of our hobo gang streamed out of the god-chamber and covered the stage. In hindsight this choice really exposed them to all the remaining forces of evil. The harpies began to sing and they ensnared Bimbles. Concurrent with that the Acolytes were able to ‘hold’ the charmed Bimbles, Dolec and Lester. The paladin faced the worst of it as multiple gnolls delighted in burying their blades deep into the holy warrior. The second fireball was released killing the evil clerics of chaos. This ended their paralyzing grip on the three at the front of the stage. Blerp was holding the bugbears on one side of the stage as Azucar held the gnolls on the other. Saff helped out by knocking down six of the gnolls with a sleep spell. Then Dolec and Lester were held again as the acolytes continued to undermine the hobo frontline. Lester was turned into a piñata he was standing dead as his fluids sprayed from his many holes.

                                    “Why… did I ever come to the surface world?.....”

 

Our hobos kept ending up a step behind the opposition. Saff loosed another fireball once more ending the ‘hold’. During this time Bimbles wandered off to join his new masters, the gross but topless harpies. Carla stepped into the gap left by the fallen Lester. Bunny leapt onto the wall and crept upwards and across the ceiling trying to catch up with a now disarmed Bimbles that was wandering away with his skanks. Dolec jumped off the stage to better wade through the beastmen. Blerp was holding the line but needed help, so Saff made a new best friend Grok the bugbear. This allowed the ogre to smash the remaining pair of buggies. Being joined by Dolec made Azucar’s job much easier and the gnolls were doomed. Bunny dropped one of the last two harpies. The last fled as Carla was able to dispel Bimbles’s enthrallment. 

The fight had now run its course. The theatre was a smoldering pit of carnage. 

The hobos victorious once more but for the first time in a long while they were reminded of the cost of recklessness.

Bandaging and looting followed. The fireballs had likely incinerated a bunch of loot but they still came up with a bunch of coin, gems, jewelry and a couple of neat items (axe and trident). They then fell back to the god-chamber and had Blerp yank out the huge golden heart, about 85 lbs. of solid gold soldiers pay. The heart was strapped to his back and he once more picked up the two desiccated elves in rocking chairs. Grok slung dead Lester over his shoulder. Saff’s two henchmen fell into the back of the line as our gang pressed on. Next stop pickup Saff’s dwarf. She really was building quite the entourage. 

They were wary that the Sisters could be on the prowl and took measures to determine such. The corridors were strangely, some would say eerily, quiet. No dragons. Returning to the Blood Bank, Chory the dwarf was gone (and so was his chest). Presumably things probably got dangerous when the music stopped. 

Disappointed they began a very circuitous trip that ended before the Master’s chamber once more. “We ain’t done gettin’ paid yet”, Bimbles eyes sparkled with the true avarice of a MurderHobo.

 

The A-Team: Bunny, Carla, Bimbles, Saffron, Charles, Dolec Da, Nara, Lester & Azucar

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 363590 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 327825 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Bunny the Thief! (T10) 319435 xp <400001> +10% CRT 1d24/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY8*) 201739 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

PETRIFIED - Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 116268 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

PETRIFIED - Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 89866 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 74855 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

DEAD - Lester Flanders the Guardian of Oceana (P6)  52155 xp <95000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

Azucar the Elven Myrmidon Warlock (E6)

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

743b days at beginning of session (Boris & Friends just outside of Liwil)

766a (Bunny Group Newville/ Dreaming Caldera) Busy until 779

724d (Ding-We Gang Lake of Abominations/ Liwil)

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Twenty-Seven when we ask the questions:

What fabulous award awaits us for smiting god-bits?

Where are the Sisters?

Is the joint super quiet because everything is dead or gone?

Tale of the Tape

Lester the Paladin of Oceana sundered by Gnolls

Nara and Charles continue their stay at the petrification hotel.

Enslaved by Saffron: Blerp the Ogre & Grok the Bugbear & Chory the Dwarf (but we don’t know where he is)

KILLS

Orcs (10) 

Gnolls (20) 

Acolytes (20) 

Goblins (10) 

Bugbears (9) 

Harpies (4) 

Ogres (5) 

LOOT

Golden Heart (85 lbs.) 60,000 gp

3,000 gp

6,000 sp

Gems (2): Flawed pearl 10, Wonderful Ruby 1000

Jewelry (3): platinum earrings 1100 gp, gold and diamond tiara 1400 gp, intricate gold bracelet 800 gp = 3300 gp 

Scroll: Protection from Lycanthropes

Hand axe of  XXXX?

Trident of  XXXX?

Attack of the Meat Pile (Session 325)

SESSION 325: The Dreaming Caldera Pt.7: Godflesh 

The final battle is upon us, the face-off with the Chaos God (or something)!

 

Day 772 Continued II (Underworld): It was time to loot the weavers chamber and figure what to do with the ‘god-wig’. The old half-worm bags had jack shit. In fact their two chests only contained desiccated elves. “Mazucar! Spazucar!”, screamed Azucar. It was the other two members of his raiding party. The weavers had sucked all their beauty from them but they still clung to life, just barely. The shrivelled bodies were unpacked and fed a healing berry, to little observable effect. Perhaps they were slightly more alive it was difficult to tell. After investigating the elves it was thought that months of bed rest and healing could facilitate recovery. For now they were completely incapacitated. After some thinking they were each tied to a rocking chair that Blerp could carry under each arm. Attention now moved to the southern door. 

Bunny listened and could here odd sounds, not creatures but of stuff doing things perhaps machinery. Beyond was the ‘Blood Bank’, giant dripping metal vats, elaborate overhead plumbing, puddle-covered floors, dim yellow light from hissing gas lamps. A lone aproned dwarf with shoulder-length seal-skinned gloves waddles between tanks, turning valves. A narrow access tunnel leads east. 

Saffron charmed the dork. We didn’t need any headaches. They learned some things from the twerp. He simply seemed to have found a way to preserve himself and get paid for it. They told the dwarf they would return after committing some deicide. He seemed skeptical but gave them a ‘thumbs up’ nevertheless. 

Falling back they were attempting to move cautiously past a pair of dragon lair doors when a bunch of whacked out chaos fanatics danced through and into the Sisters’ acid vault. Our gang were able to steal a quick glance before the doors closed . Nothing much beyond the gross green glow illuminating a glassy black bridge, much the same as they had seen spanning the chasm on the upper floor. Next stop was the theatre, after a momentary distraction by a half dozen lumbering neanderthal zombies. This would not have been so ‘surprising’ if anyone had asked Blerp where the passage lead…

The Auditorium: A crowded candlelit theater. Curving polygonal tiers of bench seats slope downwards towards a stage at the southern end of this trapezoid-shaped room. At least one hundred humanoids–goblins, orcs, gnolls, harpies, armored men, and ogres sit in attendance. They’re serenaded by punctuated spurts of blisteringly loud, otherworldly soprano scream-singing emanating from the stone tunnel behind the stage. Massive frescoes line the walls depict a golden youth rising from an ocean of melting bodies. A display of mangled corpses is impaled on stakes at the front of the stage. At this time the audience appeared to be in a sleepy daze in between god-screeching sets. They cautiously and quietly ended the chamber and slunk along one of the walls to the stage before darting down the back passage. 

 

Next stop was the final battle (with the Chaos God, well not really read on to find out).

 

A gargantuan cavern; the edges of reality here bleed away to white. 

A mountainous mound of foul-smelling compressed garbage shifts slightly; it’s merely the skullcap of the incomplete godling. Its 200’ body lies vivisected, arms akimbo, awaiting completion. Waves of wriggling filth washes over its skin in skittering waves. 

A massive gash in its chest reveals a 5’ beating heart of pure gold in a pool of sizzling acid. Its perpetually wet mouth bellows a hypnotic and revolting melody akin to a phlegmy child singing a nursery rhyme backwards. 

The sight and sounds tore at their feeble hobo minds. 

The golden strands of Azucar’s hair around their wrists glowing for a moment of protection magic allowing their minds not to melt. Saffron and Carla (after drinking a potion) flew towards the partially assembled entity after Bunny tossed a silence stone in the vicinity of its head. No one wanted to hear any more of that vile song. Carla tossed a sweet water potion into the acidic cleave holding the heart as Bimbles cast lower water. The plan was to kill the god quick like. It caused damage to the incomplete shell but the heart continued to beat, acidic blood or not. Moving within proximity of the golden heart activated the Archangel of Chaos, the real threat. First from somewhere in the darkness above a death ray shot down to disintegrate Carla. The Green-Queen was able to raise the Armature of Palanthis to intercept and diffuse the ray. They flew upwards into the darkness to find the source of the bolt.

They found it. “AHHHHHHH I don’t like it! Wrong Wrong Wrong”, screamed a Saffron at the limits of her already fractured mind.

Archangel of Chaos: A pink and flapping creature of wings and eyes. Resembling skinned, uncooked chicken. Next it produced a sickening trumpeting sound, from somewhere. Resulting in multiple murderers being frozen in place. Carla got in the things grill somehow fending of its continued attacks. They almost had it and then it rejuvenated its gross form. The fight started all over again. Green eye-ray beams, trumpeting of paralysis and divine magicks of a dark slant. The fight repeated. The gross twisted mess tried its damnedest to nuke our heroes but they was on a mission from Ghad. It hit the floor with a sickly splat just as Dolec severed the vile black aorta connecting the golden heart to the Chaos god. Now it was done. The behemoth began to melt along with its winged abomination. 

“Hey new friends. I don’t feel so good and my old friends in the theatre are sounding not so happy”, contributed Blerp. 

“Ah crud. We didn’t have a plan for them did we…”, Bunny trailed off as she slunk into a shadow. 

“Shitstorm incoming”, Dolec hollered as he jumped off the liquifying god carcass and ran towards the connecting corridor.

Fight on!

 

The A-Team: Bunny, Carla, Bimbles, Saffron, Charles, Dolec Da, Nara, Lester & Azucar

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 363590 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 327825 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Bunny the Thief! (T10) 319435 xp <400001> +10% CRT 1d24/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY8*) 201739 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 116268 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 89866 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 74855 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Lester Flanders the Guardian of Oceana (P6)  52155 xp <95000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

Azucar the Elven Myrmidon Warlock (E6)

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

743b days at beginning of session (Boris & Friends just outside of Liwil)

766a (Bunny Group Newville/ Dreaming Caldera) Busy until 779

724d (Ding-We Gang Lake of Abominations/ Liwil)

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Twenty-Six when we ask the questions:

What about all them dopes in the theatre? 

What about the Sisters?

What about the reward from the Master?

Tale of the Tape

Nara and Charles continue their stay at the petrification hotel.

Enslaved by Saffron: Blerp the Ogre & Chory the Dwarf

KILLS

Zombies (6) 

Archangel of the Chaos God  

Vessel of the Chaos God 

LOOT

Close but not yet.

Back in the Locust Furnace (Session 324)

SESSION 324: The Dreaming Caldera Pt.6: Life is Easy 

Things continue to be weird deeper into the dungeon, Saff makes a new friend whom averts walking into double dragon trouble.

 

Day 772 Continued (Underworld): Down the stairwell to the tune of rapturous screams and hammering, what a swell joint. Carla covered the group in silence to counter their often noisy operations. The first stop in the passage was two doors. Behind one hammering could be heard and the other sounded like construction works. Bunny choose the hammerin’ door. 

Inside was another workshop staffed by four annoyed ogres trying to discern a god-bone schematic. Rock-filled bins and worktables line the walls. A crude illustration of a rib on vellum is nailed into the wall. Four ogres squint at the illustration and bash rocks with stone hammers. A large stone, very roughly bone-shaped, sits on a workbench surrounded by pots of glue. The brutes were fully engaging their communal 17 braincells. 

In snuck our gang and then wham-o. The ogres were quickly neutralized, three dead and the final held and charmed – we will call him Blerp. Saff was quite happy with herself. She had been missing Sloth something fierce now she had a pet ogre to fill the big mook role in her life. Well at least until they return to Liwil…or maybe two mooks is even better than one. We shall see. During her musing the clerics smote the incomplete god-rib while Dolec shook the bodies for loot. “Hey these guys are like baby giants. Look at all this gold, jewelry, gems and a potion an da scroll!”. Bimbles eyes lit up, “Let’s see the serious goods, and one of those gold necklaces”. He potion was an intriguing bubbling green juice, sadly without label, and the scroll…”Well that sucks. Its gobbledegook”, complained the cleric as he tossed it to Azucar for inspection. The elf took a quick look, “these will be useful” as he tucked the scroll away. 

Moving across the hallway the door opened to a very large chamber housing a rock mining operation. Natural stone walls, high ceilings, echoing sounds of shouting and the squeak of straining rope. Crews of chained, beleaguered neanderthals strain at ropes fed through massive groaning winches to transport wicker gondolas of neanderthal miners up and down four 20’ diameter bore holes. Eight distracted ogre taskmasters bark orders at the exhausted cavemen. All parties were preoccupied and a little was away. Even though there was lighting around the work area there was lots of shadows around the walls, just right for a Bunny to disappear into. Saffron and Blerp stayed just outside to watch their backs and not to create any conflict with the charmed ogre whom acknowledged all these ogres as ‘brothers’. We could not tell if this was ogre-talk or genetics and decided to avoid putting Blerp in an ‘us or them’ situation. Carla cast sticks to snakes and then the bulk of our troops went in to join a well-hidden Bunny inside the cavern. Snakes were released and tanks charged. The ogres were flatfooted. This battle like the previous flowed pretty smoothly ending with four captured ogres and forty confused and exhausted Neanderthals watching it all go down slack-jawed style. The captives were lowered into one of the bore holes, they couldn’t be fully trusted to just run away – they were deeply in thrall to the ‘music’ after all. The primitives were a dumb lot but were able to explain two things. One, there were more or them in the sick room to the north east. Two, they were abducted from their home tunnels at the bottom of one of the other bore holes. The sub-humans were released back into the subterranean wilds and our gang moved back to the corridor to find the others of their kin. Dolec was once more pleasantly surprised by a good haul of loot for limited danger, “Things are turning around guys we aint wieners no more!”.  

Back in the corridor a smart idea came to the fore, Blerp was queried about the other Neanderthals. He confirmed there was a barrack that house the dirty lot currently full of the sick and gross. Blerp also mentioned the ‘guard fire hounds’. This was troubling sounded like Hell hounds, not necessarily a wanted entanglement. Someone was smart enough to dig for more info from Blerp. He then shared the fact that having an ogre escort would result in the hounds not activating. Blerp led them to the primitive barracks at the other end of the entry corridor was the hellhound pen. A trio of the demonic dogs were there but went back to hound lounging when Blerp gave them a wave. Inside the chamber, it was beyond squalid. Stone pallets for overworked neanderthals too exhausted to move. 18 weary, injured, or sick Neanderthals huddled together in this filthy hovel. Our team rolled in and quickly began administering aid much to the confusion of the sub-humans. One rose up, Thag, definitely dumb like the rest but a bit more talkie than grunty. After some help Carla explained that his brethren had been released from their bondage. Thag liked this and asked if they could join friends. Carla agreed and they escorted this lot back to the bore hole chamber. 

As they walked backed Bimbles asked Blerp what lay beyond a pair of ornate double doors, “Oh the Sisters live there”. “…And who or what are the Sisters Blerp?”. “Oh they dragons. They make acid blood for god”. “…two…jeez…Lets go check the other door in the mining chamber after dumping the chumps”.

Returning, Thag and company thanked their liberators and then descended deeper into the depths. Going north they came to the other set of doors to the acid chamber just around the same time a dancing troupe of brain-dead acolytes in a euphoric haze, They danced right past and into the dragon sisters chamber. We quickly closed the doors behind them, not wanting any ‘entanglements’. Going further, the fourth god-bits workshop was discovered. Soft yellow light from oil lamps, hanging swathes of silk, large wooden chests, and an enormous nest of shimmering golden thread. Five noseless women with elaborate braided hair sit on wooden rocking chairs or lean over spinning wheels. They had long, segmented worm torsos in place of legs. They would have been welcoming and congenial but the team just simply stormed the chamber. These hair-hag-worms were an alert bunch. The bums rush did not work out super great. Two were engaged but the other three utilized their innate ability to ‘web’ bad guests. All of a sudden half the team were gummed up in webs. Bunny leapt to action activating her flame brand to ignite the webbing covering Carla and Lester, “You may feel some burning…”. 

Azucar and Dolec were left to do the dirty work. Before victory the fight dragged on with more webbing and burning but the hags were not successful with any other attacks. 

“Whew… Almost thought we were on the chump train again”, came from Dolec as they all turned their attention to the contents of the chamber and the partially obscured door across the room.

 

The A-Team: Bunny, Carla, Bimbles, Saffron, Charles, Dolec Da, Nara, Lester & Azucar

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 363590 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 327825 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Bunny the Thief! (T10) 319435 xp <400001> +10% CRT 1d24/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY8*) 201739 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 116268 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 89866 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 74855 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Lester Flanders the Guardian of Oceana (P6)  52155 xp <95000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

Azucar the Elven Myrmidon Warlock (E6)

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

743b days at beginning of session (Boris & Friends just outside of Liwil)

766a (Bunny Group Newville/ Dreaming Caldera) Busy until 779

724d (Ding-We Gang Lake of Abominations/ Liwil)

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Twenty-Five when we ask the questions:

What treasures does the Weaver chamber hold?

What’s behind the door?

Are we gonna go after the Sisters?

Where is ‘god’?

Tale of the Tape

Nara and Charles continue their stay at the petrification hotel.

KILLS

Ogres (12) 

Weavers (5) 

LOOT

11,000 gp

Gems (6): 10,100,50,50,100,10 = 320 gp

Jewelry (6): 1500,900,1100,900,1000,1100= 6500 gp

Green potion

Scroll: sleep, levitate, clairvoyance