I Would Gladly Send You Home Tuesday for a Murder Today (SESSION 278)

SESSION 278: Siege on the Gangrenous Pt. 25 – Not Done Yet

Travelling to Pascdak to petition the immortal sage, reciprocity is the order of the day. Better be quick as the hex-crab continues to terrorize the local lands. 

Day 241 Continued (Gates of Sleep): They got about halfway back to Yibbda before they needed to camp. They camp collected a group of strangely observant cats of the house type variety. They seemed smart but for some reason never offered up any conversation. By morning the cats were gone.

Day 242 (YibbdaàEnchanted forest): Arriving at Yibbda they filled their flasks and negotiated a sack of nuts from a group of squirrels. Ramrod was not amused by their demand for gems. After getting some directions on how to find the coastal city Atthra from a deer-like forest folk they started out along the ‘Emerald Carpet’ that connects the enchanted forest to the trade road. The day and night were pleasant. 

Day 243 (Enchanted forestàforest road): The emerald carpet began to fade as the boundary to the enchanted fell behind. They found the road with relative ease probably helps that Sasha was jazzed to be doing her job in the proper environment once more.

Day 244 (forest roadàAttha): Things were certainly less enchanting in the regular forest. First they discovered, well intersected with, the hex-crab’s paths of destruction. Spaced, not surprisingly about six miles apart great ruts a couple of hundred feet wide taking a little work to climb in, traverse and then climb out. Inside the second track Sasha spotted tracks. Giant-sized and humanoid looking to be three entities heading further south within the crab rift. Boris and Raul, even though they were treasure hungry, decided to ignore the likely walking loot bags. 

The forest began to thin and transition to the grasslands that roll down to Attha and the seashore. First things first though. Ahead were four barbarian type guys- drinking, shouting and swinging axes about were coming our way. When they caught sight of the hobos they turned on the bully behaviour. They were fixing for a fight and did not gave an oink about number differential. They were wereboars and they wanted gore. Fast and bloody just the way Camillus likes it. Blood all over but only oinker-berserkers inert. Ramrod looted the corpses finding only four meager gems, “Deadbeatsss”.  They pushed on, the city was not much farther.

Before reaching the Attha they encountered a squad of soldiers in the grasslands. The soldiers were affable chaps and provided a ‘writ of admittance’. The document got them into the walled city. Now they needed to book passage in a place where a lot of other folk were thinking the same thing. Actual passenger spaces were non-existent. They needed a different plan. Down on the docks they found the Muck Sack, an Inn purportedly frequented by Captains looking to crew ships. After being laughed off a couple of times they met Lars Jibson the captain of the Three Swallows. “I’ve got space for hands that can row. Can ye row or is ya too soft?”, was Lars’s offer. An agreement was made the lot of them aside from Herbert, whom would be water boy, would row for passage. “We leave at sunrise, be there before that or ya can swim to Pasdak for all I care”. They agreed and then fell back to a table for supper. The journey would take three days.

Day 245 (AtthaàSailing the Bay of Dreams): The first fine day of rowing. Nothing else.

Day 246 (Sailing the Bay of Dreams): Even more happiness in slavery.

Day 247 (Sailing the Bay of Dreams): By evening they had reached their destination the city of Pasdak. Well at least the waters just beyond. They were informed that the Three Swallows would not be anchoring overnight. Docking and disembarking would occur in the morning.

Day 248 (Pasdak): As they left the ship the first mate, Skurvy Joe, directed the gang towards Stick Weenies. “Ye be briny folk now that be the place for ya”. After getting past the initial ribbing from the ‘real sailing men’, the rookies were accepted. The joint wasn’t bad once you figure out that the smell of fish was intentional and they just had to get used to communal, but private, type accommodations. With a little help from the yokels they came up with a plan for the following day.

Day 249 (Pasdak): Welcome to the machine. Fortunately Versamage knew how to navigate bureaucracies and was able to get a same day meeting with the little council. Flarz Gars was he and normally would have relegated our band way down the list to see Keczarr Du but he was schooled by our knight. Versamage locked an ‘early day audience’ for the following day. This was almost nuked when Boris and Rammer tried to bribe the guy. They got out before things could be successfully screwed. Their ears were burning and backs broken by the time Versamage finished with them.

Day 250 (Pasdak): And so they had their audience with the Immortal Sage Keczarr Du. The audience was in a bit of a disaster preparedness footing with the hex-crab getting ever closer. Now presently in the Bay of Dreams. Fortunately, being immortal and all Keczarr was not prone to excitedness. Raul and company laid out their predicament. Keczarr was notably interested by the story of the dead space worm and the ambergris sample. 

“Well travelers with the current situation I have been forced to reallocate resources. This has left me with a secondary problem unattended. Across the bay is a small village called Saemish that has a problem with the Men of Leng and probably other rotten cultist types. The villains have taken over an ancient lighthouse outside of town. We want to restore the beacon, thus improving maritime trade for both Pasdak and Saemish. Defeat the forces of evil and reignite the flame and I will provide you with three choices to egress the Dreamlands and return to the Prime plane of existence. Do we have a deal?”. 

Boris and Raul looked to Rammer, “Fine. Let’s earn our heroic reward” he scowled. 

The deal was sealed and they had the afternoon to prepare for they would set sail with the coming of the sun. They were ushered out of the palace but not before they groveled their way into some healing potions.

“The potions aren’t enough. We need more!”, Boris felt they needed a holy roller to shore up their forces so they set out to find a church. They found one not too much later. It was a church of CROM! They entered made donation and awaited the head priest to petition. The priest was a bear of a man, as expected with his devotion, and took a little work to get to an agreement. CROM would provide an acolyte to assist with the task of mashing cultists in exchange for two shares of the loot. One for the acolyte and one for the church. The deal was made. “In the morrow Skull-Crusher will be at the docks before the imperial cruiser”. They made their way back to Stick Weenies for final preparations and repast.

 

Day 251 (PasdakàSeimish): With the coming of the sun the gang were collected by the Keczarr’s men and brought to the imperial cuiser. Skull-Crusher was not hard to find. An exceptionally tall man in plate with a flowing orange beard. They boarded the ship and made magically fast travel to Seimish. There was no hiding the decline of the village, perhaps more of a simple fishing hamlet now. There was no tarrying. To the not so distant south stood the lighthouse sitting upon the final rocky island (Aman Marath) connected to the mainland by three rocky outcropping collectively known as the Stepstones. Waves could be seen tossing their salt and spray upon the four small islands. They marched forward readying to face whatever challenges the lighthouse held.

 

 

The B-Team: Boris, Ramrod, Raul, Sloth, Willy, Sasha, Wendul, Gurn, Katre, Herbert, Camillus & Lady Versamage

 

ROLECALL 

Raul the Voyager (MD9) 267070 xp +10% <360000> CRT 1d12/III

            Fezzi-Gig (Neut: XXXX) Sword

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 368995 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 25 teeth (7 remaining), drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)                         

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T9) 176176 xp +5% <280001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Sloth the Bopper (L8) 179451 xp +10% <XXXXXX> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Missing ten teeth

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 125280 xp +10% <200000> CRT 1d10/III

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 29968 <36000> +5% CRT 1d12/III

Wendul the Magician (W6) 51716 <80000> 5% CRT 1d8/I

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  54987 <64001> +5% CRT 1d20/IV

Willy the Reformed Burglar (T6)  30104 <40000>10% CRT 1d14/II

            Agolloch the Eye of Purity (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Katre Elf-Girl and Swordsman Conjuror (E3) 10157 xp <16000> +0% CRT 1d8/II

Lady Versamage Knight Errant (K6) 60000 xp <85000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Herbert the Gnomish Trickster (G3) 10500 xp <12000> +5% CRT XXXX

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

(684 b) days at beginning of session 

675a (from Session 264) (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Seventy-Nine when we ask the questions:

What evil lurks within Aman Marath?

What exactly is an acolyte?

How long will this actually take?

Why are we scared of everything are we not heroes? 

What is the crab doing?

Tale of the Tape

Smooth sailing

KILLS

Wereboar Berserkers (4) 

LOOT

Blue gems (4): 50,50,10,100 = 210 gp

Eject! Escape from the Prison Crab (Session 277)

SESSION 277: Siege on the Gangrenous Pt. 24 – Crab, Crabbing and You

In search of escape from the Dreamlands we drive the hex-crab towards the Gates of Sleep.

Day 231 Continued (Spire): The gang made their way back to the control room and grab an evening’s rest before Raul spearheaded the crab drive.

 

Day 232 Crab Control (Spire): This morning began with the crab was rampaging to the NE. Raul was able to get control and turn the thing around. And so the journey south to the vicinity of the Gates of Sleep commenced.

 

Day 233 Crab Control (Spire): Raul consumed some most likely contraband beverage (Sleep-B-Gone) that allowed him to keep on truckin’.

 

Day 234 Crab Control (Spire): Driving under the influence. As luck would have it, nothing stops a six mile in diameter crab. 

 

Day 235 Crab Control (Spire): Rammer tried driving the thing today. It did not work out, the crab instead crawled as it chose. This conveniently had it continue crawling along southward bound.

 

Day 236 Crab Control (Spire): Heavy hands on the stick resulted in Raul getting a stern zapping. The crab decided to do nothing today.

 

Day 237 Crab Control (Spire): After travelling through mountains, hills and desert we entered into a forested zone. Ike speculated that the ‘drop zone’ (thick magical forest) was a day away. That evening, it wouldn’t be time in the Spire without an attack by Mad Druids. They trickily undermined the webbing sealing one of the doors and then provided a bit of irritation before dying by the sword.

 

Day 238 (CrabàDreamlands): The forest had gotten rather thick and magical-like. Ike was convinced that the Gates were definitely within a day of hiking to the south. 

It was jump day! 

Raul was able to redirect the kaiju to a SE bearing. The gang made their way to the western edge of the hex-crab.

They had a plan that involved a whole lot of levitation a bit of flying and some feather falling. The question on all minds was “are we just going to be sucked back up again?”.

Spells were uttered and potions quaffed – JUMP!

The crab just kept crawling and crawling and crawling. It did not send out the vacuum tubes. Our B-Team was back on terra firma. They then made a run just in case the crab changed its neural net pattern of behaviour.

That evening an eagle eyed, or just lucky, Ramrod caught a giant mantis moving into ambush position. It put up a strong fight before providing a whole bunch of ‘meat’ for the following day. It tastes like lizard!

Day 239  (Forest): An uneventful day of travel through the thick but increasingly pleasant forest as the hex-crab could be heard like thunder somewhere in the distance.

Day 240 (Forest outside Yibbda): Later in the day they came upon Yibbda the idyllic hamlet. Home to a plethora of talking forest creatures and disoriented new arrivals to the Dreamlands. They learned that they were a meager six more miles from the Gates of Sleep. “Just follow the path! Yes! Just follow the path!”, was the beginning of relentless song from a quickly growing host of animals. “Nope, we ain’t going through that all night”, was Boris’s edict that received more than a few “Ayes” in support. The group didn’t want to be surrounded by chatty mice and such so they camped a ways into the forest, just far enough not to be tortured by singing animals.

 

Day 241 (Gates of Sleep): The walk to the gate was pleasant. They reached the destination by midday. Ike brought them to an archway created from entwined trees that held a stairway to heaven. “Well.. it was sorta nice knowin’ ya. Waahg! Would been nicer to find some more moon-stones. We just gotta walk up these steps”, Ike marched in and the rest followed. All dreamed of home – finally. 

The stairs moved up and through the trees that seemed to be impossibly tall and then a tunnel could be seem ahead of Ike. The duck got closer and closer while the rest of our band just seemed to keep walking as Ike got further away from them and began to fade from existence. Ike was gone but the rest of the gang couldn’t get any closer to the tunnel. Something was not working. Wendul figured it out, “Hoi-glavin! We are not sleepers like Ike was. This gate is only for sleepers!”. They turned around and found themselves back in the glade in what seemed just a dozen or so steps. Doh! The gang had a sit down to figure a plan. 

During this time folks kept showing up. Some in their bed dress others more prepared and certainly less confused looking. Raul and Boris approached one of these ‘prepared’ folks and tossed some questions. They got some answers.

The journey was not over. They needed to see an immortal sage named Keczarr Du who governed Pascdak a city on an island in the Bay of Dreams. To get there they would need to travel to the coastal city Atthra to book passage upon a ship. How they get there was open to debate. Mostly because it likely meant going back to the chatty animal village Yibbda.

With at least couple more hours of daylight they dusted themselves off and began walking back to the hamlet of the forest folk.

 

The B-Team: Boris, Ramrod, Raul, Sloth, Willy, Sasha, Wendul, Gurn, Ike, Katre, Herbert, Camillus & Lady Versamage

 

ROLECALL 

Raul the Voyager (MD9) 267070 xp +10% <360000> CRT 1d12/III

            Fezzi-Gig (Neut: XXXX) Sword

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 368995 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 25 teeth (7 remaining), drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)                         

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T9) 176176 xp +5% <280001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Sloth the Bopper (L8) 179451 xp +10% <XXXXXX> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Missing ten teeth

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 125280 xp +10% <200000> CRT 1d10/III

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 29968 <36000> +5% CRT 1d12/III

Wendul the Magician (W6) 51716 <80000> 5% CRT 1d8/I

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  54987 <64001> +5% CRT 1d20/IV

Willy the Reformed Burglar (T6)  30104 <40000>10% CRT 1d14/II

            Agolloch the Eye of Purity (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Katre Elf-Girl and Swordsman Conjuror (E3) 10157 xp <16000> +0% CRT 1d8/II

Lady Versamage Knight Errant (K6) 60000 xp <85000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Herbert the Gnomish Trickster (G3) 10500 xp <12000> +5% CRT XXXX

Elapsed Campaign Time

(674 b) days at beginning of session 

675a (from Session 264) (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Seventy-Eight when we ask the questions:

Are we getting any closer to escape from the Dreamlands?

Should we have accepted the Demon’s offer of escape three plus weeks ago?

What the hell is with forest folk always singing?

Where did the crab go?

Was it smart to just let the crab go off on its own?

Tale of the Tape

They got off the crab!

Ike walked back to the waking world.

KILLS

Mad Druids (4) 

Giant Mantis  

LOOT

empty

What's New in Helix? Better Go Back and Find Out (Session 276)

SESSION 276: A Walk in the Snow

With another act of brilliance the goobers decide to do a Winter hike to Helix.

Day 230 Cloudy (Blind Basiliskà15.21à16.21/0307/0407/0507/0607/0707): With the portable hole loaded with provisions and the horses prepared for the winter wilds Bunny lead forth the team. It was cold and slow moving but with the vast majority of the vegetation slumbering Bunny felt confident she could find her way back to Helix within a week. They hoped that even evil likes to hunker down during the winter.

They passed through Kirkikit’s hex with ease moving into the general region where they had previously encountered unicorns. This time the forest was quiet. They did however intersect with fresh lizardman tracks heading NE into the unknown. The observation was noted for future consideration. 

As they approached the edge of the hex the forest became notably denser. Twisted trees fought against the season great interlacing bows creating layers of canopy with the upper extents holding great sheets of snow while the lower branches held onto their leaves. This created a malignant gloom along the forest floor that only increased the irrational sense of malevolence scratching away at the backs of our traveler’s necks. Lester and the clerics in particular found themselves feeling a great unease. They pushed on until fatigue came early from the tension of unseen entities just at the edge of sight and concern not to push the horses too hard.

That night Saffron and Charles had restless haunted sleeps. The toll of just being in these darkwoods already excising a price. 

 

Day 231 Cloudy (16.21/0707à17.21/0304/0405/0504/0605/0705/0806à18.22/0303/0404/0504/0604): Midday our not so silent caravan mustered a wing of giant vampire bats. The gloom of the forest acting as a fine proxy for night. The bats got some blood but none made it back to roost. The rest of the day simply continued to be eerie. That night once again robbed hobos of tranquility. Dolec, Charles and Bimbles this night. The cleric was thankful he had not expended any spells as he could not replenish without a full night’s sleep. 

 

Day 232 Clear (18.22/0604/0704à19.21/0306/0407/0506/0606/0706à20.22/0303/0404/0504/0605/0705): If things were indeed watching, which all were certain of, the things were not revealed. The day was nevertheless exhausting as the weight of constant tension took a larger and larger toll. This night Nara and Lester found no rest.

 

Day 233 Cloudy (20.22/0705/0806à21.22/0303/0404/0503/0604/0704/à22.22/0304//0405/0504/0605): They marched on. Bunny had continued confidence that she was leading the team in the right direction. That night she and Charles would find no solace.

 

Day 234 Cloudy (22.22/0605/0705/0806à23.22 Dutchy of Aerik): Bunny was exhausted this morning and her direction suffered from it. They moved off course. This was not noted until they found themselves at the edge of the great fetid marsh known as the Barrowmoor. This earned some groans but the great feeling of dread had finally broke. A few hours, hopefully, in the partially frozen bog was almost considered succour. The horses did not like it and made complaint they would need to lead the animals across the moor. 

Barrowmoor recognized our hobos and their presence sent forth a disturbance to the things that slumbered in the muck. Arise and kill reverberated through the waters. A group of wicked dead answered the call. A host of dark amber skinned zombies with bows and blades. The hobos recognized the Juju zombies. These things would put up a fight and the gang was almost outnumbered two to one. The clerics called down divine cleansing fire but the creatures only laughed as they sent volley after volley of missiles into the group. Even turning showed limited effect almost as if an unseen hand fortified the ghastly dead. Dolec saw that attrition was not in their favour so he brought forth his horn, summoning a band of berserkers to join the fray. Five materialized and charged into melee with the zombies. Dolec, Lester, Charles and even Bunny followed, holding the zombies at bay with glinting steel. The battle began to turn. Hobo and berserker steel began to hew through more and more rotten flesh until there was none more. They cleaned up as quickly as possible and pushed hard for Helix. 

It took a couple more hours but the land did begin to incline ever so slightly and the ice crusted waters became more shallow and the bracken gave way.

Early evening had them once more knocking at Guildmaster Osen’s door for accommodation. After some complaining about having his winter hibernation being disturbed opened the door. He was shocked to see the A-ish Team but quickly got around to setting them up with a barrack. Once the horses were stabled the mob collapsed onto welcoming cots before a roaring fire. All slept soundly. 

 

Day 235 Clear (Helix): Today the gang said their hellos and tried to get stuff from folks whom really thought they should be giving rather than asking, being the heroes of Barrowmaze after all. The most important action was getting some sagely advice from Muzzah. He could not provide the hoped for exact instructions for dummies. The sage did however, point the gang at the concept of a ‘ritual of unbinding’ and provided some understanding of the Dreamlands where the B-Team appeared to be stranded. The ritual was a divine endeavour and beyond just his base understanding. Carla and Bunny thanked him for the assistance and offered him dinner at the Strumpet that evening. They also tried a few of their old tricks to get stuff but he softly rebuffed them much as Brother Othar had done earlier in the day. For some reason, Muzzah agreed to answer one more question while they were in town. Maybe the chill of winter caused his usual irritability to hibernate? 

Next Carla and Bunny went to the smithy, they had decided they would attempt to steal away the town’s blacksmith, Karg Barrelgut. He being of the Dwarven persuasion had no problem telling them they were jackasses and needed to get the swamp water out from between their ears. After giving the two their well-earned rebuke he called forth his young cousin and apprentice Gern forth. “These two idjits would like to make you a proposition boy. You two better be filling my tankard tonight”, and with that Karg waddled off to hit something with a hammer. A deal was presented and Gern was lukewarm to it. They did get to the finish line but it took a handful of gold nuggets to affirm. The girls were happy that Ding-We was not around to see them letting their loot pass to other hands, even allied ones.

That evening the usually quiet winter night at the Brazen Strumpet was awakened with story and song.

 

The A-ish Team: Bunny, Dolec, Nara, Bimbles, Saffron, Charles, Lester & Carla 

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 354214 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 318449 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Bunny the Thief! (T10) 310059 xp <400001> +10% CRT 1d24/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY7) 197051 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 111580 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 85178 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 70167 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Lester Flanders the Guardian of Oceana (P6)  47427 xp <95000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

RESERVES

Biff recovering post death (2 weeks): Elapsed 11

Elapsed Campaign Time

(674 b) days at beginning of session 

669a (from Session 264) (also applies to recuperation) 

 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Seventy-Seven when we ask the questions:

What is a ritual of unbinding?

What will they ask Muzzah?

Where are the brigands?

Tale of the Tape

Chung Li needs 12 weeks (74 days) and a stack of coin to rewrite his lost spell book.  

            Elapsed: 53 days (from A-Team calendar) -INTERRUPTED-

Potion Brewing 42 days (started Day 194): Elapsed 33

 

KILLS

Giant Vampire Bats (6) 

JuJu Zombies (14) 

LOOT

..Sorry Charlie.