Gross, is this a Tower or a Skin Flute? (Session 270)

SESSION 270: Siege on the Gangrenous Pt. 19 – The Spire of Saali…Whatever.

Nothing comes easy for the MurderHobos.

 

Day 206 Continued (Crab-Wilds): Standing before the pink forest the spire could not be seen due to the thick pink foliage. Sasha figured a mile, mile and a half. But the day was waning camp would be required. Benny (Mensar) suggested back tracking a ways, he thought it was extra unsafe along the edge. Boris was fuming, wanting to pop off the twerps head but he held it in until Sasha found a defensible position in a crab-groove about ten minutes from the forest. Now, Boris laid into the treacherous guide as the rest of the gang began setting camp. Lots of mean things were said that we won’t repeat.. to you know protect the children, or some such rubbish. They came to an ‘agreement’. Afterwards the camping commenced. The night did not pass smoothly.

 

During second watch a bolt of energy was discharged from the distant spire. Up it went hundreds of feet and then with a boom it dispersed like an umbrella that then dissolved raining down glowing greenish flakes. As the first few reached the ground a surprise was delivered. Gravity reversed. Up up up went our hobos. Quick action was taken as this ‘condition’ could not possibly last forever. Wendul cast a web to catch his bedmates before consuming a gaseous form potion as did Rammer. Sasha sent forth (down) the rope of climbing. Raul rubbed his ring of feather fall. Willy drew forth Agolloch informing the sword of the need for a teleport anytime now.Sloth and Boris prepared to activate their rings of jumping just as the inevitably touch down. Camillus swore as she knew this would hurt. Benny the weasel previously known as Mensar whined he was going to go splat anytime now. 

Upon reaching thirty feet elevation the effect passed. Bodies began dropping. SPLAT! Benny exploded like a ripe tomato. Camillus went thunk but still found a way to roll with the impact – groaning heavily but still unbroken. The web greatly reduced the impact for Versamage, Ike, Gurn and Katre, the later of whom hardly clung to life. The rest of the group returned to terra firma largely unscathed. Healing salves and potions were used and the bloodiest of wounds bandaged. After, they collected what sleep they could.

 

Day 207 (Crab-WildsàSpire): The new day  arrived and the behemoth crab continued to be inert as the hobos, led by Sasha, pressed into the bizarre pink forest. Twisted or perhaps mutated. Colour was not the only deviation from being a normal forest, atop a planes wandering crab. The journey to the spire was uneventful and the ranger’s aim was true. Finding the strange porous stalagmite of unusual size. 

 

They worked their way around in search of ingress. A path was found and it presented a cavern into the spire. They approached within thirty feet to observe two things. First, a strange membranous covering barring entry – it looked fleshy and moist. Second, a volley of sling stones came hurdling out of alcoves around the entrance. Enter the much rumoured and ballyhooed ‘Mad Druids’. 

The hobos backpedalled, attempting to parlay. 

The druids were nuts. 

Four charged into battle crying about the defilement of their forest. Two more stayed back waving about in a worrisome manner. It was now noted how thick the vegetation was along the pathway was making going around the blockers very difficult. Camillus took the opportunity to hurl a spear through one of their throats. The others paid no heed, fanatically swinging clubs at the now engaged scouts. From behind the two druidic elders released spells. The back line became entangled and bound by the surrounding vegetation that came to life. “Hot! Hot! Oh no!”, Sloth had experienced this before. Boris had something new in store for him as all the metal in their possession began to glow.  Sloth was entangled unable to move, more roots and branches replacing those now burning from contact with his searing armour. Boris began tearing off his equipment. 

Meanwhile up front the battle raged. 

The scouts were holding the line. Then came more clutching roots and branches. Willy teleported behind the lead druid to back stab him. It didn’t really work and earned him a nasty blade in the gut – “Agolloch get us outta here!!!”. 

Zlorp! 

The fight dragged on. Those touched with madness have even fewer tactics than your average hobo. This was the druids ultimate downfall.

 

Back to bandaging wounds they were. Poor Sloth once more horribly burned could not use his hands, he would become a pack animal after the looting was completed. Two interesting items a pearl and a small steel cube additionally there was a nice suit of leather armour and a fine short sword the latter of which was discarded.

 

To the membrane covered entrance Sasha touched a lit torch. The covering retracted with a gross slurp. Beyond a dark passage. Moist, smelling meaty and distinctly organic. Another worm? Crab guts? Something else? They dithered, and not for the first time. “Do you want to live on a crab forever?”, shouted our ever meek knight errant Versamage. This kicked Sasha back into the here and now, “Well get going you two dolts this is your environment I got us here”, Sasha passing along the knights impatience to Rammer and Raul. The passage descended ever so slightly along the thirty or so foot run before coming to a chamber. “Throbbing gristle…gross wahg”, was Ike’s only comment as his webbed feet became covered in the icky pink fluid secreted from the thing we will call ‘the floor’. The chamber held passages going in all cardinal directions. From the west a faint clicking noise could be heard, “Nope”, came from Boris as he pointed to the east. Another yicky passage that led to an even more revolting chamber. It did however offer at least one comfort. A door to the north. Swollen in place but better than the nodule covered incline to the east and the vein or tentacle choked passage to the south. 

Sloth’s bad day continued when he pulled a hamstring trying to kick in the door, “Ouchy”. 

Boris finished the job. 

 

A chamber with a number of ‘small’ hex-crab shells leaning up against the wall. A narrow passage went north but first there was the distinct sound of snoring coming from behind the shells piled against the sidewall. Rammer pointed at a pair of tiny black boots, of course connected to a pair of tiny legs, sticking out from behind the aforementioned shells. Ramrod gave a boot a poke. The being awoke. It was a gnome in his mandatory pointy red felt cap. He was Herbert the gnome with a mole friend, Harry, and he was rather happy to meet something other than mad druids or screechers. “Mind if I join up?”. “Happy to have ya little bud”, Gurn called the shot with a thumbs up from Boris. Speaking of screechers, all the noise of kicking in the door did attract one of the creepy things. It jumped on top of Ramrod and tried to eat his brain or something like that. The single bug didn’t last long but confirmed to the cowardly leadership team that they were too feeble to explore without an operational Sloth. 

 

It looks like we are going back to Jones Town.

 

The B-Team: Boris, Ramrod, Raul, Sloth, Willy, Sasha, Wendul, Gurn, Ike, Katre, Camillus & Lady Versamage

 

ROLECALL 

Raul the Voyager (MD9) 267070 xp +10% <360000> CRT 1d12/III

            Fezzi-Gig (Neut: XXXX) Sword

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 368995 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 25 teeth (7 remaining), drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)                         

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T9) 176176 xp +5% <280001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Sloth the Bopper (L8) 179451 xp +10% <XXXXXX> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Missing ten teeth

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 125280 xp +10% <200000> CRT 1d10/III

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 29968 <36000> +5% CRT 1d12/III

Wendul the Magician (W6) 51716 <80000> 5% CRT 1d8/I

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  54987 <64001> +5% CRT 1d20/IV

Willy the Reformed Burglar (T6)  30104 <40000>10% CRT 1d14/II

            Agolloch the Eye of Purity (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Ike the Duck (DF6) – AVATAR form.

Katre Elf-Girl and Swordsman Conjuror (E3) 10157 xp <16000> +0% CRT 1d8/II

Lady Versamage Knight Errant (K6) 60000 xp <85000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Herbert the Gnomish XXXX (G3) xxxx xp <XXXX> +5% CRT XXXX

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

(650 b) days at beginning of session 

665a (from Session 264) (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Seventy-One when we ask the questions:

With Sloth unable to use his hands do we press on like MurderHobos or run back to Jones Town like little girls?

Are we inside the crab or something else?

Is this another worm?

Why wouldn’t the Mad Druids talk to us?

Tale of the Tape

We have another xp sponge, Herbert the gnome and his mole Harry.

Sloth has badly burnt his mittens.

KILLS

Mad Druids! 

Screecher 

LOOT

Pearl ????

Cube ????

Extra Fine Leather Armour +2

Out of the Gutter into the Toilet (Session 269)

SESSION 269: Siege on the Gangrenous Pt. 18 – Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay 

The journey to the Purple (or Pink whatever it is) forest does not go as smoothly as advertised.

 

Day 206 Continued (Jones TownàCrab-Wilds): Waiting for the ferry down in the gutter. Mensar was jovial discussing the plan and talking about his five kids. The ferry was on its return. We were bored until… Wendul ran up gasping for breath, “Oh good I made it. Sirs I’m sorry I have been very busy”. 

All eyes turned to the other Wendul. 

What the hell is going on? 

This Wendul gave an odd grin and then began deflating like a whoopie cushion. This revealed yet another imp standing in the bag like remains of that Wendul, “Game is up nerd time to pay up”. “Yes. Yes Groz right away. Sirs I hired Mr. Groz here to be a stand in while I researched a new spell at the library. That place is a staggering receptacle of knowledge.. I could spend the rest of my years there mining knowledge. I have expanded my repertoire with ‘fly’ and have now incurred some… debt… Mr. Groz is due 500 gold pieces and the library another 2000”. Boris and Raul were still processing the whole imp in a flesh bag thing that they just started doling out gems without complaining as they had been trained by El-Cheapo the one-legged. The imp gobbled back his portion and threw the rest in a sack and began waddling off to the library, “So long and thanks for all the booze!”. Wendul ditched his ‘study rob’ and geared up. 

The ferry arrived and disembarked a small group of sketchy characters, including an irritable slave hunter whom our gang entered into some verbal sparing with, Mensar pushed them along before any further comments could be fermented. They probably made an enemy with that brief interaction on the gang plank. 

 

The Captain seemed extra crusty today due to the swamp having an inordinate amount of debris floating about due to the multiple days of crab-scratch-fever. The prominence of rubbish allowed for a group of nine giant black ants (with oversized mandibles) to move across the waters of the Jones Town moat (lake). The gang didn’t catch the big bugs on the surface of the swamp but they were not flat-footed when the insects started coming over the gunnels. They leapt to action. Varsamage gave us our second sampling of how knights roll, “That one is mine sub-humans and I will slay it in single combat!”. This didn’t really cause any trouble. In fact when the fight did end for the rest of the gang there was a protracted back and forth. The knight’s ongoing battle provided entertainment for all. The carcasses were tossed over and they made the far shore ten minutes later. Mensar stepped up and began describing ‘the safe way’ to the weird spire within the purple forest, “It only about two miles in a straight path to the forest edge but we are gonna keep our heads down and travel through the great ruts and trenches of the crab’s shell. This will help us avoid notice. From the dragon in particular but may just take most of the day”. They marched into the deep grasses ringing the swamp towards the edge of the world… er shell. They were other folks moving through the grasses somewhat parallel to the explorers but they appeared not to notice our presence. Mensar suggested ducking down and moving slowly thattaway. 

 

They made their way into a maze of ruts and trenches created by a millennia of soil accumulation closing the spaces between the coarse nature of the crab’s exoskeleton of wart-like tubercles and spines. The smallest of which being horse sized. The path was torturous and progress greatly slowed by the uneven surface. An hour or so in Sasha spotted tracks, humanoid, going in the same direction and looking fresh. 

“Don’t worry. Totally expected. We scavengers and explorers know the best passages. Proof that we are on the smart path”, Mensar shrugged off the ranger’s concerns. 

The two thieves were less skeptical and just rolled with it. Sasha grudgingly accepted the answer but slowed down just a bit more since she was on point. She had a bad feeling about this.

 

It was not long.

 

The pathway narrowed the ‘wall’ rose higher and shadows began to appear. A couple of minutes later a white and black barred feather was found sitting in the middle of the path. “What’s this”, came form Sasha. “Let us take a look see”, Mensar walked forward and scooped up the feather. “Oh it is a Hoopah feather. You raise it over your head and go ‘Hoopah! Hoopah! Hooppah!’ and then the magic happens”. The magic was a number of well hidden folks atop the two sides of the ridge, about 12 – 15’ above us, to make their presence known. “Hoopah! Payment is needed to pass through our pathways”, Mensar giggled. “Benny! Quit screwing around and get the jewels”, was shouted down. “Come on only my five kids call me that. Alright friends we all know about your murder spree and we all know the B.A’s had da bling. Time to dummy up if ya know what’s good for ya”. This caused the urge to kill to rise but our hobos were in a ‘murder alley’, of which there was no doubt even for our blockheads. The thugs did not seen to understand Boris’s negotiation technique and the price began escalating. The dwarf was near raging but the brigands had great cover. Boris tried a new tactic, “Give us the guide, whatever his name is and we will give you more than your previous ask”. “Give us more than that and you have a deal”, the voice was stern and confident. Raul whispered to Boris, “We are in a tight situation and we don’t have a ‘get out of jail for free card’ AND we really do have more treasure than we can carry”. “Deal”, Boris confirmed. “Put the jewlery in a sack and then move along and do not stop until you reach the forest. We will be watching”. This was when Mensar – Benny started to protest vociferously, “Ah come on guys I got five kids to feed it ain’t my fault”. Camillus grabbed and bound the weasel, Ramrod menaced him, Raul dropped a small sack full of jewelry and they pressed on. Boris fumed, he had learned how to be a proper cheapskate. Fifteen minutes later the pathway opened up and they stood before the Purple forest. 

 

In the not too far but not too close distance the spire stood above the foliage.

 

 

The B-Team: Boris, Ramrod, Raul, Sloth, Willy, Sasha, Wendul, Gurn, Ike, Katre, Camillus & Lady Versamage

 

ROLECALL 

Raul the Voyager (MD9) 267070 xp +10% <360000> CRT 1d12/III

            Fezzi-Gig (Neut: XXXX) Sword

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 368995 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 25 teeth (7 remaining), drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)                         

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T9) 176176 xp +5% <280001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Sloth the Bopper (L8) 179451 xp +10% <XXXXXX> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Missing ten teeth

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 125280 xp +10% <200000> CRT 1d10/III

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 29968 <36000> +5% CRT 1d12/III

Wendul the Magician (W6) 51716 <80000> 5% CRT 1d8/I

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  54987 <64001> +5% CRT 1d20/IV

Willy the Reformed Burglar (T6)  30104 <40000>10% CRT 1d14/II

            Agolloch the Eye of Purity (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Ike the Duck (DF6) – AVATAR form.

Katre Elf-Girl and Swordsman Conjuror (E3) 10157 xp <16000> +0% CRT 1d8/II

Lady Versamage Knight Errant (K6) 60000 xp <85000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

(650 b) days at beginning of session 

665a (from Session 264) (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Seventy when we ask the questions:

So what are we gonna do with Mensar (Benny)?

What weirdness stands before us?

Will we finally find a gateway home?

Will Versamage’s single combat thing become a problem or is there a solution?

Tale of the Tape

Just buggering about.

KILLS

Driver Ants (9) 

LOOT

-nope-

Murderhobos Power of Shopping Activate... Yet Again (Session 268)

SESSION 268: Siege on the Gangrenous Pt. 17 – Time to do Something, Almost... 

Gearing up to once more explore. An alternative path is presented.

 

Day 202 Continued (Jones Town –Dusk Market): It was supposed to be a simple day. Have some ice cream then collect Versamage and then get to know her. Instead there was an obstacle right after the frost treat stop. You guessed it, the third thug iteration. An ambush by the Facemen. 

They were a weird looking bunch of subhuman types. All had faces too large for their heads as if everything had been stretched. Their eyes almost meeting ears. Damn odd. They had the jump and charged out of the fog.

Quickly going through the looting process it looks like these guys must have been looting themselves. Sacks of coins, gems and jewelry. Well worth the loss of blood. They then made haste back to the ‘Body Shop’.

After presenting their claim ticket the attendant hit the button to activate the body conveyor. Empty and full bodies lurched along, hanging from a four-fingered grasping device. 

Clunk – clunk – clunk – ding!

The machine came to a stop. Hanging behind the worker was a knockout of a woman.

“Wow….”, was the consensus.

Another button was pushed and the body was lowered onto a partially vertical gurney and the claw released. The fellow then grabbed a strange metal rod, which he then poked the still inactive Versamage, “We just gotta kickstart her engine”. The rod touched her chest and released a surge of electricity. The body violently shook and then her eyes opened. She didn’t seem to be bothered by her nudity until she realized that her body was not her own. This lead to some shouting and stuff. It took a little while but Versamage actually took things relatively well once all the pieces were laid out. I guess that is what makes nobility better than the rest, they understand that no matter what you look like you are still better than a sub-human. Once a noble always a noble. They made their way back to Ginny’s for repast and getting the knight to fall into line.

 

Day 203 & 204 (Jones Town): Raul and a couple others had taken their fair share of blows from the Facemen the previous evening. With the current plan being one of rest for three days and then having Mensar Walker guide them to the Spire and find a way home. They used this time to firmly recruit Versamage to the cause. As a knight she needed a Lord or Lady to serve and with the decimation of her squad subsequent demonic enslavement and then untimely death by slime she saw herself as a ronin of sorts, in need of duty. Her failure at the spaceworm likely earning her imprisonment or (another) death from her brutal lord. Raul made it clear that they had all jumped multiple dimensions and she would likely never return to her home but their friends were building domains that required a general of the knights guard. This was good enough for her. Once more showing that being a knight means you are a cut above the little people. Wherever these Scourgelands were it was likely that neither Versamage nor Katre would ever see them again and this may be for the best, it sounded nearly as barbaric as Carcosa. 

 

Day 205 (Jones Town): A day of rest before setting out. The crab also likes this it idea, collapsing into some sort of restful state. Maybe it has something to do with yesterday’s purple clouds blasting from the central crater. That evening, something occurred as the gang milled about the tavern portion of Ginny’s. 

The door burst open. 

A massive demonic shadow was cast into the inn killing all conversation. 

Stretching deep into the common room all eyes transfixed. 

The body attached to the shadow finally stepped through the threshold. 

“Hey bitches the Boss has heard about you and I’m here to present a proposition”, a fat little purple imp hand pointed at our hobos. 

“Ya. That’s right this IS official business. That is why the Boss gave me his shadow. All you other losers better start minding yer own bid-nass quick like”. The other patrons either slunk away or quickly left the inn. “Get me some drinks and put it on these idiots tab!”. 

Climbing up a stool and plopping down his fat ass the imp got down to business, “I’m Jizz. Official representative of the Boss. So listen up close so I don’t have to blow all over the place”. The little stinker made it clear that the gang's activities and inquires had not gone unnoticed. The Boss was offering passage (planar) in exchange for acquiring an item. “Agree to the deal and I give you the details. Return with the item and the Boss will get you to exactly wherever you want to be”. Boris and Raul seemed to have some confidence that tomorrow’s excursion would have positive results without having to make any deals with ‘entities’. “Alright turds. Go swimming in the bowl. That is your prerogative. When you realize that the Boss’s offer is the best option just say these three words – XXXX XXX XXXX (redacted for reasons)”, with that Jizz grabbed the closest bottle and waddled his way out of the inn. 

“We will find a better solution at the Spire. I’m certain of it”, was Raul’s consul to the team. They quickly finished up and retired before anything else occurred. 

 

Day 206 (Jones Town): With the coming of morning the hex-crab continues to rest as the hobos collect their guide and make their way back down to the ferry. It is once more time to explore. Next stop the strange rock spire and the purple forest.

 

 

The B-Team: Boris, Ramrod, Raul, Sloth, Willy, Sasha, Wendul, Gurn, Ike, Katre, Camillus & Lady Versamage

 

ROLECALL 

Raul the Voyager (MD9) 267070 xp +10% <360000> CRT 1d12/III

            Fezzi-Gig (Neut: XXXX) Sword

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 368995 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 25 teeth (7 remaining), drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)                         

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T9) 176176 xp +5% <280001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Sloth the Bopper (L8) 179451 xp +10% <XXXXXX> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Missing ten teeth

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 125280 xp +10% <200000> CRT 1d10/III

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 29968 <36000> +5% CRT 1d12/III

Wendul the Magician (W6) 51716 <80000> 5% CRT 1d8/I

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  54987 <64001> +5% CRT 1d20/IV

Willy the Reformed Burglar (T6)  30104 <40000>10% CRT 1d14/II

            Agolloch the Eye of Purity (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Ike the Duck (DF6) – AVATAR form.

Katre Elf-Girl and Swordsman Conjuror (E3) 10157 xp <16000> +0% CRT 1d8/II

Lady Versamage Knight Errant (K6) 60000 xp <85000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

(646 b) days at beginning of session 

665a (from Session 264) (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Sixty-Nine when we ask the questions:

What evil lurks beyond Jones Town?

How bad could a deal with a ‘devil’ be?

Will our guide help us to avoid the mad druids?

How long will the crab rest?

Would this be a time to jump off the crab and test our luck in the Dreamlands?

Tale of the Tape

The body transplant was  a success! Lady Versamage has adhered to her new body and is now ready to kick some ass 

KILLS

The Facemen gang

LOOT

11,000 gp

Gems (19): 2470 gp

Jewelry (20): 21,000 gp