Murderhobos Power of Shopping Activate... Yet Again (Session 268)

SESSION 268: Siege on the Gangrenous Pt. 17 – Time to do Something, Almost... 

Gearing up to once more explore. An alternative path is presented.

 

Day 202 Continued (Jones Town –Dusk Market): It was supposed to be a simple day. Have some ice cream then collect Versamage and then get to know her. Instead there was an obstacle right after the frost treat stop. You guessed it, the third thug iteration. An ambush by the Facemen. 

They were a weird looking bunch of subhuman types. All had faces too large for their heads as if everything had been stretched. Their eyes almost meeting ears. Damn odd. They had the jump and charged out of the fog.

Quickly going through the looting process it looks like these guys must have been looting themselves. Sacks of coins, gems and jewelry. Well worth the loss of blood. They then made haste back to the ‘Body Shop’.

After presenting their claim ticket the attendant hit the button to activate the body conveyor. Empty and full bodies lurched along, hanging from a four-fingered grasping device. 

Clunk – clunk – clunk – ding!

The machine came to a stop. Hanging behind the worker was a knockout of a woman.

“Wow….”, was the consensus.

Another button was pushed and the body was lowered onto a partially vertical gurney and the claw released. The fellow then grabbed a strange metal rod, which he then poked the still inactive Versamage, “We just gotta kickstart her engine”. The rod touched her chest and released a surge of electricity. The body violently shook and then her eyes opened. She didn’t seem to be bothered by her nudity until she realized that her body was not her own. This lead to some shouting and stuff. It took a little while but Versamage actually took things relatively well once all the pieces were laid out. I guess that is what makes nobility better than the rest, they understand that no matter what you look like you are still better than a sub-human. Once a noble always a noble. They made their way back to Ginny’s for repast and getting the knight to fall into line.

 

Day 203 & 204 (Jones Town): Raul and a couple others had taken their fair share of blows from the Facemen the previous evening. With the current plan being one of rest for three days and then having Mensar Walker guide them to the Spire and find a way home. They used this time to firmly recruit Versamage to the cause. As a knight she needed a Lord or Lady to serve and with the decimation of her squad subsequent demonic enslavement and then untimely death by slime she saw herself as a ronin of sorts, in need of duty. Her failure at the spaceworm likely earning her imprisonment or (another) death from her brutal lord. Raul made it clear that they had all jumped multiple dimensions and she would likely never return to her home but their friends were building domains that required a general of the knights guard. This was good enough for her. Once more showing that being a knight means you are a cut above the little people. Wherever these Scourgelands were it was likely that neither Versamage nor Katre would ever see them again and this may be for the best, it sounded nearly as barbaric as Carcosa. 

 

Day 205 (Jones Town): A day of rest before setting out. The crab also likes this it idea, collapsing into some sort of restful state. Maybe it has something to do with yesterday’s purple clouds blasting from the central crater. That evening, something occurred as the gang milled about the tavern portion of Ginny’s. 

The door burst open. 

A massive demonic shadow was cast into the inn killing all conversation. 

Stretching deep into the common room all eyes transfixed. 

The body attached to the shadow finally stepped through the threshold. 

“Hey bitches the Boss has heard about you and I’m here to present a proposition”, a fat little purple imp hand pointed at our hobos. 

“Ya. That’s right this IS official business. That is why the Boss gave me his shadow. All you other losers better start minding yer own bid-nass quick like”. The other patrons either slunk away or quickly left the inn. “Get me some drinks and put it on these idiots tab!”. 

Climbing up a stool and plopping down his fat ass the imp got down to business, “I’m Jizz. Official representative of the Boss. So listen up close so I don’t have to blow all over the place”. The little stinker made it clear that the gang's activities and inquires had not gone unnoticed. The Boss was offering passage (planar) in exchange for acquiring an item. “Agree to the deal and I give you the details. Return with the item and the Boss will get you to exactly wherever you want to be”. Boris and Raul seemed to have some confidence that tomorrow’s excursion would have positive results without having to make any deals with ‘entities’. “Alright turds. Go swimming in the bowl. That is your prerogative. When you realize that the Boss’s offer is the best option just say these three words – XXXX XXX XXXX (redacted for reasons)”, with that Jizz grabbed the closest bottle and waddled his way out of the inn. 

“We will find a better solution at the Spire. I’m certain of it”, was Raul’s consul to the team. They quickly finished up and retired before anything else occurred. 

 

Day 206 (Jones Town): With the coming of morning the hex-crab continues to rest as the hobos collect their guide and make their way back down to the ferry. It is once more time to explore. Next stop the strange rock spire and the purple forest.

 

 

The B-Team: Boris, Ramrod, Raul, Sloth, Willy, Sasha, Wendul, Gurn, Ike, Katre, Camillus & Lady Versamage

 

ROLECALL 

Raul the Voyager (MD9) 267070 xp +10% <360000> CRT 1d12/III

            Fezzi-Gig (Neut: XXXX) Sword

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 368995 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 25 teeth (7 remaining), drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)                         

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T9) 176176 xp +5% <280001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Sloth the Bopper (L8) 179451 xp +10% <XXXXXX> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Missing ten teeth

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 125280 xp +10% <200000> CRT 1d10/III

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 29968 <36000> +5% CRT 1d12/III

Wendul the Magician (W6) 51716 <80000> 5% CRT 1d8/I

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  54987 <64001> +5% CRT 1d20/IV

Willy the Reformed Burglar (T6)  30104 <40000>10% CRT 1d14/II

            Agolloch the Eye of Purity (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Ike the Duck (DF6) – AVATAR form.

Katre Elf-Girl and Swordsman Conjuror (E3) 10157 xp <16000> +0% CRT 1d8/II

Lady Versamage Knight Errant (K6) 60000 xp <85000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

(646 b) days at beginning of session 

665a (from Session 264) (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Sixty-Nine when we ask the questions:

What evil lurks beyond Jones Town?

How bad could a deal with a ‘devil’ be?

Will our guide help us to avoid the mad druids?

How long will the crab rest?

Would this be a time to jump off the crab and test our luck in the Dreamlands?

Tale of the Tape

The body transplant was  a success! Lady Versamage has adhered to her new body and is now ready to kick some ass 

KILLS

The Facemen gang

LOOT

11,000 gp

Gems (19): 2470 gp

Jewelry (20): 21,000 gp

Market Daze Continued & More Gang War (Session 267)

SESSION 267: Siege on the Gangrenous Pt. 16 – Lost Shopping in Jones Town 

 

The markets continue to infatuate our horde of nose goblins.

 

Day 197 Continued (Jones Town –Dusk Market): Back out into the deep fog of the Dusk Market. It didn’t take long, really just after Sloth got his serving of Pickles & Pork ™. It was another gang and they were out looking for us. This time it was the Mad Murdocks and it was payback time for the slaughter of their brothers in brigandry-the B.A. Barakus Boys. 

These guys were kinda insane for some reason and spilled more hobo blood than desired but the hobos did persevere. Camillus was rather bloody and Boris broke a trio of ribs. Bodies were quickly looted and then our travellers made dust back to Copper Ginny’s. They were in no shape for any more trouble. 

 

Day 198 (Jones Town –Dusk Market): The big goal of the evening was to retrieve an answer from the drunken ogre sage – Ming Dai-Zhang. Hopefully he will not be the angry drunk of yesterday. BUT first! They had a couple of other interactions. First they were once more harangued by a group of drunks – “Hey fresh meat! Fresh meat come out and play. Fresh meat!”. Once they led the mooks to Brass Ball’s ale stand and got them back to drinking they continued towards the sage. There was another quick distraction an awful poet. He was not very good but still earned a few coins. 

Ming wasn’t angry but he appeared to be near black out drunk or in a deeply meditative state. Luckily it was the latter, and he did provide answer to the ‘spaceworm portal’ question. The answer was not what they wanted, a ticket to a portal home but more of a knowledge drop about spaceworms. “…ya they leave portal in their wake as they consume your planet. All worm tunnels are filled with portals”. Feeling a little let down they decided to try again and presented a new question (I don’t remember what it was, perhaps someone else does) and turned back to the inn to contemplate things.

 

Day 199 (Jones Town –Day Market): Today was order pickup day at Telemor & Franix’s and Sloth was excited and did not care about how little sleep everyone had. The day market gave up more than just spike fruits and pastries this day. After picking up Sloth’s newly improved ‘hero helm’ the group were approached by a fellow named Mensar Walker. “By the looks of you folks you must be on the verge of becoming scavengers of the great crab and need someone like me. A guide to get things rolling safely”. After some idle chatter and negotiation Boris and Raul decided to hire Mensar to guide them during the, purportedly, immanent excursion beyond the shanty town. Back to shoppy things. Franix had mentioned ‘Augustus’s Armors & Aperatures’ to refit Raul’s chainmail to Katre’s wee little body. The shop was across the market so the walk was a great excuse for Gurn to suggest a including Brass Ball’s Ales in the trajectory. 

Much to Sasha’s interest there was a rope and twine shop right beside the armourer. Ramrod feigned disinterest but he had ideas, oh ya he had ideas for sure. The shop was operated by the tallest and skinniest gnome ever seen, Nimbur Knots. A little to Sasha’s disappointment he was down to his last 50’ length of his amazing gnomish rope. It was his personal improvement of Elvish rope and was really cool rope. 

Right next door the gang had hoped to find something super great in Augustus’s shop beyond the ability to resize enchanted mail. Nothing exceptional but he could get the desired job done in four days. Coin was exchanged. Raul stripped. Katre was placed on a stool and dressed in the mail. Augustus did his thing. After these two activities the gang decided to attempt to end the evening on a high note. It didn’t quite work. It wasn’t more thugs but a bunch of jack-hole dandy fops. They had come down from the affluent part of town to piss on the little people. Our guys had to swallow a little bit of bullying from the asses to avoid getting the town guard riled up in broad daylight. 

 

Day 200 (Jones Town): Today both the hobos and the crab took the day off from doing anything constructive. The crab was actually aggressively scratching itself that really got things shaking dangerously. This was evidenced by periodic chunks of buildings falling around the market. 

 

Day 201 (Jones Town –Day Market): The crab continued to scratch but bitches gotta shop. Back into the market! There was a crazy naked guy whom had foreseen “the END!”, he made the pastry stop a little more entertaining. Wandering about the girls eyes caught a handsome shirtless fellow displaying his almost living tattoos. “That way”, Camillus didn’t seem to be suggesting. Kat and Sasha were all over this. He was Stony Cloverman, onetime sailor now illusionist and tattoo artist. He explained how he could enchant his work so it shimmered and could show limited motion. Camillus was game and seemed to already have something in mind – an inner thigh butterfly. “Any comments from you dorks and it will be broken nose time”. Rammer mused that it would probably be worth it as he got himself into the ‘best sight line’. Stony figured that it would take three sessions of five hours to complete. The girls and Rammer decided to hang for different reasons as the rest of the group decided to go back to Brass Ball’s to drink the day away. The ale shop was busy. A gaggle of monks already moving their day along swimmingly. The two groups mingled and drained many the jack of potent Dwarven ale. They eventually staggered back to the tattoo cart and then retired back to the inn.

 

Day 202 (Jones Town –Dusk Market): The gang awaited the night fog to roll in. Today was pickup day for the newly packaged, and alive, Lady Versamage. Pastries and ale will get us there.

 

 

The B-Team: Boris, Ramrod, Raul, Sloth, Willy, Sasha, Wendul, Gurn, Ike, Katre & Camillus  

 

ROLECALL 

Raul the Voyager (MD9) 263068 xp +10% <360000> CRT 1d12/III

            Fezzi-Gig (Neut: XXXX) Sword

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 364963 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 25 teeth (7 remaining), drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)                         

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T9) 172144 xp +5% <280001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Sloth the Bopper (L8) 177435 xp +10% <XXXXXX> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Missing ten teeth

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 123264 xp +10% <200000> CRT 1d10/III

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 27952 <36000> +5% CRT 1d12/III

Wendul the Magician (W6) 49700 <80000> 5% CRT 1d8/I

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  52881 <64001> +5% CRT 1d20/IV

Willy the Reformed Burglar (T6)  28088 <40000>10% CRT 1d14/II

            Agolloch the Eye of Purity (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Ike the Duck (DF6) – AVATAR form.

Katre Elf-Girl and Swordsman Conjuror (E3) 8141 xp <16000> +0% CRT 1d8/II

 

RESERVES

Lady Versamage – Growing into her new body (Day 202 Pickup)

Elapsed Campaign Time

(642 b) days at beginning of session 

665a (from Session 264) (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Sixty-Eight when we ask the questions:

Vengeance has it been served or have we put more wood on the fire? 

Will we ever leave or is this why nobody knows anything, they have no will to leave?

Is this place cursed? 

I wonder if we have finally finished with our trouble with street thugs?

Tale of the Tape

Lady Versamage continues to grow into her new body while we eat, drink and cavort. 

Sloth levelled up!

KILLS

The Mad Murdocks 

LOOT

5000 sp

1000 ep

Jewelry (8): 1200,900,900,700,900,1700,900,700 = 7900 gp

Short sword ‘Lil Greenie’ +1/+3vs reptiles (matching to previously found LS)

Potions: Giant Strength, Undead Control 

Gang War Rising in the Gutters (Session 266)

SESSION 266: Siege on the Gangrenous Pt. 15 – Lost in the Dreamlands – Shop Smart Shop S-Mart! 

Aimless nipples keep on shopping hoping victory falls onto their laps.

 

Day 190 Continued (Jones Town –Dusk Market): Ambling through the night market another interesting shop was discovered – Telemor & Franix: Gilders Extraordinaire. The joint was stacked with arms and apparel slathered with exquisite gilding – go figure. Not only did they offer the mundane but also the eldritch empowered. This near game breaking occurrence made folks giddy as the hobos rummaged through the shop. They came apon two suits of armour one plate and the other chain the latter of which also had a matching shield. The plate was gilded with blue cobalt showing a mighty blue dragon and imparted protection from electricity. The chain was of a skeletal design of black iron nature. The shield depicting a central skull radiating light with various forms of undead recoiling. This combination was warded against the powers of the dead. Both pieces required to utilize. 

Boris and Raul knew they wanted both suits they got down to haggling with Telemor.

Sloth used this time, with the help of Ramrod, to describe a scene to Franix to gild on his helmet that of the ‘Hero of Barrowmaze’ where he sundered the Tablet of Chaos with the Spear Predestined. 

Getting down to the brass tax. This would take a mountain of coin and gems to close the deal. More than they had unless…”I stole it fair and square! The wizard will have to give me a pain and suffering bonus” was Ramrod’s own type of special negotiation (only for friends of course). They proffered the Udon Odinist’s necklace. “Very nice indeed worth a mint if it wasn’t for this strange temperature of it…”, Telemor was a sly fellow whom seems to have one ear on the street. “We will take it but have to charge a ‘cooling-off period’ fee. Boris grumbled. Ramrod chuckled. The deal was closed. They would return in three days to pick up Sloth’s helm. Leaving the shop they ran into a party of drunks that required a course correction to shake off. 

The detour resulted in a new mercantile cart landing in their path – Palzyriax the Pale’s Iced Treats. Sloth would not let this one pass. This turned out to be somewhat fortuitous. Palzyriax was an ice sorcerer whom just really liked making and selling iced refreshments, “Learn the joy of Northern chill my friends”. 

The treats were served in silver bowls not for taking or sale so they had to hang around and shoot the breeze while engaging in the deserts. The wizard had some interesting things beyond treats. After finishing their iced cream the hobos walked away with a pair of silver pony kegs (2 gallon) enchanted with ‘continuous chill’ to ensure that the contents were always cold and fresh. They also, with the promise not to use for commercial reasons in the local, a transcription of aforementioned enchantment. 

They returned to the inn and hit the sack.

 

Day 191 (Jones Town – Copper Ginny’s): With their sack empty and pockets light the gang resorted to eating and drinking at Ginny’s. At least the rent and meals was paid up for the next week or so.

 

Day 192 (Jones Town –Dusk Market): Basic shopping today for adventuring equipment and supplies. Some dolt had an epiphany, the show must go on and the timer (Versamage growing into her new body). 

 

Day 193 - 195 (Jones Town –Dusk Market): They had intended to limit excursions to small groups acquiring pastries and spike fruit but shopping is a bug hard to shake for these valley girls. Exotic chessboards nice but just extra baggage presently. They then earned some scorn from a mob of gutter children as they redirected a lost pilgrim from walking into a clear ambush. He was Moblophop of the Followers of Salad Fingers and had become separated from his fellows. The gang walked him into the central area of the market suggesting that here would be the best place to search for his companions just keep away from the alleyways they is packed with problems. 

Our hobos should have followed this advice themselves. The omnipresent market mist really did enable beings to get up to things. Walking and talking resulted in the group being a little less observant and provided a window for the B.A Baracus Boys gang to stage an ambush. Wearing an inordinate amount of thickly braided gold chains with numerous medallions. They glittered like golden idols to our hobo's eyes. “We is back in the money take no prisoners”, rasped the lispy Ramrod excited to once more getting down to the fine art of MurderHoboing. The gang actually almost outnumbered the hobos 2 to 1 and were of some talent. 

Blood for gold. 

No one disputes this. 

Willy almost died but that is nothing new. There was numerous other wounds but wow, the pay was good. A mountain of jewelry, a near half stone of silver and three items of greater interest. They tried to B-line it back to Copper Ginny’s but they found a spot being ogred by a huge drunken ogre – horned, with a third-eye and of eastern origin (whatever that is). This seems curious. “Stupid humans! I know things…for gold!”, hollered the clearly drunken beast. He sat on, well balanced precariously might be more apt, a large low stool beside a sandwich board stating ‘Going someplace? Ask the Sage for advice. Reasonable rates!’.  Ming Dai-Zhyang the Drunken Sage was in need of more drink so he would use his amazing powers of ‘Total Recall’ to use his power of total sensory memory to answer our lazy exploders questions. “Pay now get answer after tomorrow”, barked the three-eyed ogre “no negotiations”. 

They presented a question regarding spaceworm portals. 

Really just a poorly worded want for directions to the egress, lay hobos looking to buy their way to a goal. We shall see how that plays out. 

A stack of coin was greeted with a rancid belch – “Now go away”. 

 

Day 196 (Jones Town –Dusk Market): The following morning there were signs that the authorities were extra active in the market after the slaughter of the B.A. Barakus Boys gang, it was decided that avoiding any entanglements was preferrable.

 

Day 197 (Jones Town): Wasting the day, aside from one quick excursion, waiting to once more return to the Dusk Market. What was that excursion you ask. Well, it was to find the delightful spices that everyone uses. The scent of which just fills the marketplace. 

After a little bit of inquiry they came upon the line leading to a ghoul at a cart lined with spice shakers. The ghoul whom seemed to have unnaturally dry skin was Flakie and he sold ‘Flakie’s Wonder Spice for Everything!’. 

“Ahhhh… Do you guys think that….”, Raul trying to articulate what simply gobsmacked the rest of the gang.

“Hurry up you boobs we have lives to live!”, came a shout from a subhuman somewhere further back in line. The rest of the natives gave a supportive “YA!”. 

They had been eating the stuff for days already and it really did make the flavour of whatever come alive. “Gimme two”, stated Boris. 

They ambled away to applause.

 

 

The B-Team: Boris, Ramrod, Raul, Sloth, Willy, Sasha, Wendul, Gurn, Ike, Katre & Camillus  

 

ROLECALL 

Raul the Voyager (MD9) 263068 xp +10% <360000> CRT 1d12/III

            Fezzi-Gig (Neut: XXXX) Sword

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 364963 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 25 teeth (7 remaining), drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)                         

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T9) 172144 xp +5% <280001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Sloth the Bopper (L7) 177435 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Missing ten teeth

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 123264 xp +10% <200000> CRT 1d10/III

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D5) 27952 <36000> +5% CRT 1d12/III

Wendul the Magician (W6) 49700 <80000> 5% CRT 1d8/I

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  52881 <64001> +5% CRT 1d20/IV

Willy the Reformed Burglar (T6)  28088 <40000>10% CRT 1d14/II

            Agolloch the Eye of Purity (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Ike the Duck (DF6) – AVATAR form.

Katre Elf-Girl and Swordsman Conjuror (E3) 8141 xp <16000> +0% CRT 1d8/II

 

RESERVES

Lady Versamage – Growing into her new body. Ongoing.

Elapsed Campaign Time

(636 b) days at beginning of session 

665a (from Session 264) (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Sixty-Seven when we ask the questions:

Do we just give it Steve, whenever we get out of here, and not say anything?

How long will the shopping go on for?

If eating people makes ya a cannibal, what does seasoning with ghoul flakes make ya?

Sure is nice that the gangs of Jones Town believe in being adorned ain’t it?

Tale of the Tape

All quiet on the extra dimensional front

KILLS

Brigands F3 (18) 

Brig-Boss F6 

Brig-Mage M4 

LOOT

6000 sp

The B.A. Barakus Boys jewelry collection (22): 21,400 gp total value

Ring of Animal Control

Potion of XX Healing

Longsword ‘Green Slasher’ +1, +3 vs. Reptiles