Thursday, 1 January 2026

Once More on the Murder Highway (Session 331)

SESSION 331: The Road to Dry Gulch 

Meanwhile back in the homelands (not really that far away).

Let’s pretend to be a caravan so we can be ambushed.

 

Day 838: Clear. A caravan was assembled in Gormandia. They made their way to Liwil to supply up but Carla and Rammer were held up by Hewtim Frid (advisor and wizard to the senior knight Baldicar Ma) and extorted for dinner. This was in exchange for some background information on Dry Gulch and the lands surrounding Liwil. It didn’t come cheap, Hewtim was well aware of the depths of MurderHobos Incorporated pockets. 

It was likely worth it….

 

“This knowledge has been passed onto me in no small part from the wandering sage Todd of the Third Kingdom. Let the account begin… with a lovely fortified wine, a port from the somewhat distant Hob”.

 

It is the beginning of the Sixteenth Cycle of recorded history. There have been many civilizations that have risen and fallen, some of Men, some of others. Absalom (the lands we now call home presumed possibly to be a thousand leagues northeast of Denethix) is dominated by Cycles, each lasting between two to four hundred years. Each Cycle is divided into an Apex – when Law holds sway – and a Nadir – when Chaos sweeps over the lands, driving back the light of Civilization. 

Cycles are marked in the beginning by the Apex and ascent of Law, and the end by the Nadir. During each Apex the civilizations of Man do their best to expand their domains and bring law to the land; these civilizations often shrink, or even crumble, during the Nadirs as barbarians, beastmen, and worse fall upon the kingdoms of Man. 

 

Stretching from the Basilisk Hills in the east to the Zaric Desert in the west, and bounded to the north by the Zelaia Steppes and to the south by the Tonath Mountains, the plains were once home to a sprawling empire that collapsed — not the quick death of conquest, but the slow, drawn-out demise of irrelevance — during the nadir of the Seventh Cycle, a period known to historians as the Long Night. A Cycle later, in the east, the Skeldrene Empire would rise, growing to straddle east and west. The once wealthy cities that dotted the fertile Zelaia Plains withdrew behind walls and into isolation, becoming independent city-states that maintained a loose alliance known as the Confederacy. 

 

“Onto Dry Gulch. Our eyes now look west into the Zelaia Plains, this will take nice bottle perhaps the very rare, at least in these parts, Shala zinfandel…delicious. Now where we? Oh yes..”.

 

Dry Gulch is, in the current day, a teeming, growing settlement. Gold has once again been found in the Basilisk Hills, and the dawn of the Apex of the 16th Cycle promises to be one of prosperity and expansion. To the east, across the Hills, the port town of Hob — once the crossroads of transcontinental trade routes of old — is growing once again with the founding of the port of Deepwater to the south and the reopening of trade in the Silver Sea. Hob is also a gateway to the growing Scarlet Principalities to the north, and their unceasing hunger for mineral wealth. To the west, the various independent city-states of the Zelaia Confederacy are once again expanding their reach and re-establishing trade routes that had lain fallow during the last Nadir. 

The plains stretch out westward from the Basilisk Hills. On the southern edge, the Tala Hills divide plains from sea, while to the north the Vysoky Mountain range looms above the fertile,
and largely fallow, fields. The nearest settlement of any note west of Dry Gulch is Layge. Located at the confluence of two large rivers that combine and flow further south to the Silver Sea, Layge is one of the largest and most powerful citystates in the Zelaia Confederacy, and is
currently Dry Gulch’s largest trading partner, at least until the nascent trade routes east stabilize and are made safe. 

 

“That would be your job just like filling my glass once more”.

 

Even so, travel between Layge and Dry Gulch is not without danger; in
addition to the ever-present threat of the various monsters that roam the plains, the Redfoot Gang, a collection of brigands and bandits and cutthroats, make raids upon merchant caravans from their hidden base somewhere in the Vysoky mountains, and control their own trade route of illicit and stolen goods that end up in the markets of the Scarlet Principalities.

 

Dry Gulch is nestled in a crescent of grassy hill country. The flat land at the base of the hills is all cultivated farmland, and more people live and cultivate crops outside of the town proper than live within. There are no rivers and only a few smaller creeks that gradually wend their way south, but the area is blessed with a number of springs, and warm, moist air blowing up from the Silver Sea to the south ensures that this location sees plenty of rain. 

 

There is but a single road — the remnants of the Royal Road that connects us to Dry Gulch. The road goes west from there to Irmar the once capital city of the Skeldrenes, now in ruins. From there the western branch runs south of the ruins of Irmar and on to Layge. Trade between Dry Gulch and Layge is frequent, with caravans making the journey weekly, giving the ruins of Irmar a wide berth; trade between Dry Gulch and Liwil is less frequent, with caravans traveling between the two roughly every other month. These eastward caravans will no doubt grow more frequent with the discovery of large gold deposits near Liwil, and the gradual re-opening of trade routes further east as you lot claim more and more lands under your banner.

 

“The wine and roast were excellent but now done just like my story. On behalf of the Basilisk Knights we thank you for your patronage and may your endeavours be fruitful. I would not complain if we could indulge in more fine luxury from the east and south. Class dismissed”, Hewtim then wandered back to the keep to retire.

 

Day 839 (14.23à13.23 0506): Drizzle. Time to set off. Wagons ho! It was a mostly uneventful day plunking along what little was left of the ‘Royal road’ of the Skeldrane. A pack of jackals were noted observing our passing but they did not do anything to elicit anything. At the end of day as they began setting camp another encounter occurred. Four humans lightly dressed, tall lean and athletic came a calling. Curious and somewhat aloof. Marginally interested in our actual activities but since they were feeling lazy would happily take some fresh meat of our hands. They were disappointed none was available and that our travels would not part with a horse. “Oh well…It always tastes better after a hunt”, they then slunk with great speed and certainty out of sight. Carla was left uncomfortable with the encounter but they did not return.


Day 840 & 841 (13.23à10.25 0805): Clear. The rutted road decided to get mushy to help slow down the already close to ponderous travel. Aside from muck and stuff all was pleasant. 


Day 842 (10.25 0805à0506): Clear. They were making good time and the possible distractions were few. If all went well they would surpass the halfway mark of the journey. Something obviously needed to transpire. 

A chain of events occurred to gobble up the day.

First a hawk was sighted circling a mile or so north of the road. “Definitely a portent”, claimed the exceptionally bored Ramrod. Then Chun-Li’s eagle-elf-eye spotted a very slender plume of smoke trying to pretend to be a bit of cloud. Had they discovered the elusive Redfoot Gang? Only one way to find out. Rammer lead BoB and Biff on a stealth expedition. It took about an hour and a half but they found the camp (10.25-0505). It was not brigands. “Rats”, hissed Biff. BoB said nothing. Rammer concurred with the half-orc. After watching the camp for a half hour or so they double-timed there sneak back to the road. 

“Green girl yous not gonna ta’ like thisss”, drooled the ever lispy Ramrod.

A hunting camp. Definitely not the brigands we were looking for. Two frost giants along with their eight (yes eight!) pet polar bears. It looked like they were slow to decommission, lots of animal skins and meat hanging about, and return to their frozen homelands. They knew the giants had to be addressed. The team suited up as Carla but a rather large glyph of protection around their horses and caravan. Rammer then lead them to the giants. They were able to close in to about 140 yards distance before they engaged. Luckily the camp had a strong stink and the bears did not ‘catch wind’ of our hobos.  

They started with an aerial bombardment (including a wasp bolt from Dolec, that severed the spine of one bear and completely distracted another) then Carla pulled a handful of sticks from her side turning them into snakes as Chung-Li caused all the plants around the cutting edge of the camp to infill greatly to create a difficult barrier to traverse. The giants replied with boulders but their aim was not great. The remaining six bears launched into the overgrown shrubbery and found themselves horribly entangled. As combat progressed the gang found themselves a little too far away. Even with Chung-Li letting loose a bolt of electricity Carla and her snakes became ineffectual and sooner or later a boulder would splat someone and the bears were closing in. Just before the ursine could charge the final gap we had some luck (before misery of course). BoB the juggernaut of missile fire dropped the first giant. This caused that weird sense of heroism that periodically bubbles up in Ramrod’s soul to make an appearance. Hero Rammer activated his magic ring to dimensionally step behind the remaining giant. Perfect positioning followed by an exceptionally weak delivery. The giant turned around as it brought forth its equivalently sized axe. Rammer raised his off arm in a pathetic attempt to block. Bones shattered and the axe hewed deep into his chest. “Oh fuck..I made a big mistake”. Around the same time the hornet addled bear, still in the camp, got it’s wits back and launched at our bloody mess of a thief. Mighty blow! Mighty Blow! Bear chomp!

Rammer was, as stated above, a mess. The rest of our gang were now tangled up with five irate polar bears he was on his own.

Run away!

Rammer went into full retreat. He escaped the giant, shortly before BoB and Chung-Li were able to finish it off with a ranged barrage. The bear however had gotten a taste of our limpy and lispy thief and pursued at full speed.  

Wham!

Ramrod flew into a tree before hitting the ground. The bear was on top of him in an instant and simply pummeled him into paste. Ramrod ceased to be. Returning once more to death’s embrace. The rest of the fight only lasted a handful more seconds but alas those were too many to save the creep. 


                                                What Ramrod visualized. 

                                                 Not a real representation of how things actually played out. 

                                                  He is such a (dead) dreamer.

 

They did not dilly dally. Daylight was waning. Giant sacks were grabbed along with the mushy Ramrod pulp then they pushed hard back to the road before another misery befell them.


 

The CR-Team: Carla, Ramrod, Dolec Da, Charles in Charge, Chung-Li, Biff & BoB

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 384033 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T9) 189706 xp +5% <280001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

The Henchmen

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO8) 127113 <MAX> +5% CRT 1d14/II

‘BoB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 89220 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Charles in Charge the Champion (F7) 91388 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 85075 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Chung-Li the Elven Champion Sorcerer (E7) 140215 xp <250000> +10% CRT 1d8/II

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

840 – BR-Team (16.23 The Doom of Cthedrak)

838 – CR-Team (14.23 Gormandia)

Domain Days

Gormandia: 2 (Start 838)

Bunnland:?

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Thirty-Two when we ask the questions:

Retreat or press on?

Will Rammer survive a fourth(?) raising?

Who were those four searchers of fresh meat?

Has anybody been watching us?

Tale of the Tape

Things ain’t so fine no mo’. Ramrod sundered and shredded by a giant and his bear 

Giants, they pay great but jeez it don’t come easy

 

KILLS

Frost Giants (2) 

Polar Bears (8) 

LOOT

10,000 gp

Undefined additional giant loot…


Wednesday, 24 December 2025

The Thing in the Murder Pit (Session 330)

SESSION 330: The Thing in the Pit 

Going deeper, that is where one finds answers but they come at a cost.

 

Day 841 Continued (Green Dome): There was one place left to go. The basement. The black pit. The hole in the structure where slag had burnt out the lower plane and then melted deep into the earth and where the Cthedrak had her thralls mining for some lost and perhaps not destroyed artifact. Where our companion Dolec Da had been liberated from. Now, it was the unexplored inky abyss. Would answers be found?

 

Regrouping our troop made their way down from the upper level and then to the winding stairwell to the lower floor and excavation area below. Once more Bimbles stopped before getting.. anywhere really. They had no plan. Down the steps they went to the count of ten. Oh! Bimbles remembered that they had caused more than a little destruction last they were here. He quickly stopped Camillus. The stairs beyond the tenth step no longer existed. A twenty foot drop would have been the next step. Shining his light down the cleric saw a shattered human body dressed in robes and a pointy hat now ruined by brain matter. “Hey, there is a dead wizard down there…and I cannot see anything beyond into the pit”. Raul quickly chirped some directions, “Take my rope of climbing and get down there we are getting cramped just standing in this stairwell”. The two tanks descended and Bimbles then shone his light into the pit. Nothing could be seen but a retching voice that slithered through broken glass filled their heads. “Mortals. Bother me not as I enjoy a mandated break period. Lunch will come to an end soon and I will return to my duties. Take your treasure. Be gone and hope never to face me. This conversation ends”. Bimbles tried to make reply but nothing returned but a deep sense of foreboding. They grabbed the dead mage and made retreat to the ground level. 

Raul and Bimbles were at a loss and then they remembered they had a body to loot. Some stuff was found but most interestingly was a talisman. 

A black stone, perfectly round and of absolute blackness somehow set, maybe floating, into a triangular piece of curious metal that had long extensions, perhaps handle like, coming from both base points. Herbert, a bit of a gemologist if he doesn’t say so himself, was completely perplexed by the stone in the set without bezel. “It has no mounting it is just there…and of a blackness more absolute than the most perfect onyx. Inconceivable..”. Raul was intrigued but time was not their ally, he wrapped the item and stowed it away. It was around now that Bimbles called for problem resolution.

 

New plan time. 

Raul would under a cloak of invisibility, ocular super power (true seeing) and other protections would slink down from which previously came the vile voice. Sneaky, sneaky time for our little megadungeon explorer. Down into the basement he went. He came to the edge of the melted edge of the lower floor and looked into the abyss below. The abyss looked back at him. In one hand was a mighty battle axe. Affixed by heavy chain on the other arm dangled a huge ruby. That was the last thing he remembered.

 


Raul appeared next standing before Bimbles and Camillus clutching a wand to his chest. 

KaBooom!

The whole group were consumed by a conflagration. Raul had a sickening grin on his scorched face. The rest of the team were completely demoralized, what the hell is going on!?!

KaBooom!

Raul set off another blast. Herbert and Willy ran with the last slivers of life within their bodies back upstairs. 

Complete disarray.

“By CROM! You fool’s he’s possessed!”, screamed Skullcrusher. Being from the Dreamlands he knew a thing or two about evil spirits. Bimbles changed up his plan of trying to beat Raul into submission, “Camillus guard me. I must kick ass with the power of my Lord not my mace”. Camillus, ever the courageous warrior, stepped into Bizarro Raul. “By the power of Spinning Stars and Moons I compel you entity from the body of my companion!”, incanted the cleric. He was heard and answered a moment before a likely third and final fireball detonated. Raul collapsed to the ground. Camillus and Bimbles grabbed the now unconscious Raul and began dragging him away. 

“RETREAT!!”

Once more they fled the green dome. Back into the forest a good half mile from the entrance before they stopped. Raul was conscious again but could only remember a prison full of red mist. Bimbles and Skullcrusher moved to attend to the many injuries.


What the Gehenna are we going to do?

 

 

The C (clearing)-Team: Bimbles, Raul, Camillus, Sasha, Willy, Herbert, Skullcrusher & Azucar

 

ROLECALL 

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 349007 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Raul the Voyager (MD9) 281339 xp +10% <360000> CRT 1d12/III

            Fezzi-Gig (Neut: XXXX) Sword

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

 

            The Henchmen

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 130426 xp +10% <200000> CRT 1d10/III

Missing three teeth

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  62068 <64001> +5% CRT 1d20/IV

Willy the Reformed Burglar (T6)  37275 <40000>10% CRT 1d14/II

            Agolloch the Eye of Purity (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Herbert the Master Gnome Trickster (G4) 17464 xp <30000> +5% CRT 1d8/III 

Skull-Crusher the Hellebardier of Crom (A4) 10438 xp <12000> +5% CRT 1d8/III

Azucar the Elven Myrmidon Warlock (E6) 84319 xp <120000> +5% CRT 1d8/II

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

841 – C-Team (16.23 - 0703 The Doom of Cthedrak)

Domain Days

Gormandia: 2 (Start 838)

Bunnland:?

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Thirty-One when we ask the questions:

What is that Thing in the basement?

What is that Thing doing in the basement?

What are we going to do with the Thing in the basement?

Was it summoned by one of the two dead adventurers?

Was it bound and if it has escaped what can be done?

Tale of the Tape

Everything is not so mostly fine anymore and bound only to get worse, we were very close to a mass casualty event.

Unbeknownst to our gang help is nearby. Nara had flown to their basecamp.

KILLS

none

LOOT

Small assorted gems (10) 10gp each

Scroll: wall of ice, web, dispel magic, ventriloquism, detect magic

Travelling Spell Book: Magic missile, detect evil, detect invisibility, wizard lock

Mysterious Talisman


Friday, 19 December 2025

The Confines of the Flesh (Session 329)

SESSION 329: Rotting Ways 

This joint is really turning out to be a space-tomb

 

Day 840 Continued (16.23/0603): Bimbles made it a few steps before stopping, “Ah. I gotta  bad feelin’ about dis”. With that they did an about face and after a quick peak into the inky blackness of the stairs to the lower floor our brave hobos fell way back. About a third of a mile out the main door and into the forest. Here they setup their ‘Tiny Hut’, hunkered down and then the cleric called upon his deity for some divine guidance. 

During his commune he asked three questions. The outcome of which left him with mixed feelings.

            1) Is a divine caster occupying the Green Dome? – NO.

            2) Has the naga arisen from death? – NO.

            3) Was the cyclops chaotically aligned? – YES.

Bimbles and Raul reflected awhile on this before calling it a day. Better luck tomorrow becoming a common refrain.

 

Day 841 (Green Dome): Clear. Back into the green dome. It was redo time. But wait! Bimbles once more slowed things down. Before returning to the naga’s chamber upstairs they would check the two side chambers that were previously the Orc camp and slave storage. First, the slave storage. It was still a room filled with garbage, dirty pallets and bedrolls

strewn throughout the room, for enslaved workers. Across the corridor and into the Orc quarters. This did not seem to be much different but memory doesn’t always serve. They rolled in to search the chamber and stirred up a nest exceptionally hostile flying, blood sucking, electrical googly-eyed tadpole things.

 


Bimbles, Azucar and Camillus were swarmed. The lightly protected elf-berserker was quickly in trouble with a pair of the things stuck on his neck. Don’t worry fearless readers the creatures were defeated just before we lost another elf. The room and monsters offered nothing in measure of pay or knowledge. 

 

Now back up the stairs. Almost at the top were they. The smell was bad. As Bimbles was about to turn the final arc – Splooch. Yuck. He had stepped in a great mass of congealed and high oxidized bodily gunk. This was a lot of blood and perhaps other highly decomposed viscera. Oh and what a stink when his foot broke the ‘skin’ on the gunk. He was very close to turning around for a second time. Camillus gave him a shoulder pushing him up the last few steps. Their eyes came down on a portion of a human body. Missing from the chest up the opening sat at the edge of the top step. The gunk was obviously all the stuff that was inside this robust nearly half-man. The legs were armoured in metal and there was some plating around the portion. 

They scanned the rest of the chamber. Nothing looked super different and nothing immediately tried to kill them they proceeded into the foul (smelling) chamber stirring up clouds of flies. The chamber was about 50’ deep and nearly as wide. Along the northern wall was a nest of branches, leaves and torn cloth a low desk containing and the naga’s corpse. They team made their way into the chamber. Cthedrak’s has for some time been just a husk as the insides had long since been cleared out by the cleanup crew whom now used her as a shell to nest in. Our vibrations roused more than just clouds of flies. Out burst a half dozen 9’ long, 3’ high, many-legged, segmented worm-like things with tentacle ringed mouths. “Ahhh carrion crawlers”, yelled Herbert as he darted to the side of the chamber behind Skullcrusher whom screamed “By Crom I will squish you like the bugs you are!”. “We actually call them ‘carcass crawlers’ for copy right reasons”, pointed out Willy not currently controlled by Agolloch as these insect-things were really uninteresting. 

One-by-one hobos were paralyzed. Six of eight were down. Only Camillus and Bimbles were in the fight facing the last two crawlers…

With deep regret I must inform you that with the protection of heavy armor the two tanks were able to remove the final crawlers from the equation. After grabbing a breath Bimbles went about removing the paralytic condition from his companions he did not want to run into any more trouble. They finally got back to the work of searching the chamber. Raul was assigned the job of inspecting the carcass. He got himself a surprise.


                                        (Shouldn’t have stuck your arm in a dead snake-bitch Raul, ya twit)


Cthedrak’s final gift was a host of rot grubs that were now burrowing into Raul’s arm making haste for his heart. Bimbles rushed to his aid and cleansed the mega-dungeon explorer with a cure disease – praise Spinning Moons & Stars! In the end a bunch of gems were retrieved from the guts of the carrion crawlers. 

Back to work.

Next stop the basement. 

 

The C (clearing)-Team: Bimbles, Raul, Camillus, Sasha, Willy, Herbert, Skullcrusher & Azucar

 


ROLECALL 

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 348268 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Raul the Voyager (MD9) 280600 xp +10% <360000> CRT 1d12/III

            Fezzi-Gig (Neut: XXXX) Sword

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

 

            The Henchmen

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 130057 xp +10% <200000> CRT 1d10/III

Missing three teeth

Camillus the Myrmidon (F6)  61699 <64001> +5% CRT 1d20/IV

Willy the Reformed Burglar (T6)  36906 <40000>10% CRT 1d14/II

            Agolloch the Eye of Purity (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Herbert the Master Gnome Trickster (G4) 17095 xp <30000> +5% CRT 1d8/III 

Skull-Crusher the Hellebardier of Crom (A4) 10069 xp <12000> +5% CRT 1d8/III

Azucar the Elven Myrmidon Warlock (E6) 83950 xp <120000> +5% CRT 1d8/II

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

840 – C-Team (16.23/0603 The Doom of Cthedrak)

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Thirty when we ask the questions:

Who has been messing with our spaceship?

Will the basement answer our questions?

Will the basement be full of horrors?

Why was Cthedrak excavating below? 

Tale of the Tape

Everything is still mostly normal, everything is still mostly fine

KILLS

Volts (15)

Carrion Crawlers (6)

Rot Grubs (11)

LOOT

Gems (15): 2000 gp total value