Friday, 3 October 2025

Everyone Hates Felix (Session 319)

SESSION 319: CSI: Liwil (the one and only Felix show) 

Felix is mixing with the locals in search of a murderer, hope he survives the experience

 

Day  722 (Liwil): Sometime in the possibly not so distant past... 

It had taken some time but Felix had made it to Liwil after the slow trek through the deep snows. Before the whole Statue Garden thing Ding-We had directed our sleuth to head down to solve a murder that occurred in the shanty village outside the gates of the keep. By the time he arrived a second murdering had been conducted. 


Not one to rush into things Felix set himself up in The Knight and Stone Tavern in the keep before heading to the mining camp. A good rest and a couple of hot meals would bring his investigating skills to the fore. That evening a third murder transpired. Felix was roused early in the morning by the guard. After getting the details he committed to commencing his investigation after breakfast – “A hungry mind is a feral mind”.

A few hours later he walked out the gate and into the shanty town. Following the 'rabble rabble rabble' he came to the back of a line of children. 

A young girl was selling ‘poke the dead body with a stick’ for a very reasonable copper piece per poke. “Hmm what an enterprising young lass. She could be useful”, he mused. 

“Get in line snoop we were here first!” 

“YAAAA!!! We is poking!”

“Now now children I am the authority and must control the scene of this heinous crime”

“Boooo”

Felix eventually, after some bribing, got to the well frozen corpse. A miner woman with a well bashed in skull, the same modus operandi as the previous murders. Using his powers of deduction Felix ascertained that the murder had indeed occurred the previous evening, been conducted with the large bloody rock (just over there) and she had not been robbed (the gold nuggets in her pocket were now Felix’s evidence). Nothing else could be gleened from the scene. He would have to conduct interviews. Returning to the guard he inquired about the ‘people of note’ within the shanty town. 

With some names of ‘folk of note’ Felix was off to do some interviews. First stop the healer (Cloe Lange) and then The Drinking Shack where he met the proprietor one-eyed-and-legged Cen Saard along with his son Con, whom was fully intact. It was on the quiet side but Felix spent some time speaking to Nea Wald a grizzled veteran miner and one of the first to arrive in the shanty town from Liwil. He gleened a deeper understanding of the miner community and observed those insidious kids pestering the local lumbering dolt Dod. 

Nothing to bring him closer to the murderer but those kids definitely needed a purpose… 


The interviews ate through the day and by early afternoon he decided to return to the keep for a nap and something other than 'crispy rat avec grease' for dinner. He planned to return to the shanty town to see who shows up at the bar that evening. 

Rested and "properly" fed Felix returned to the Drinking Shack. The place was crowded, not that it was hard to do, it is a shack after all. Our investigator received his usual warm welcome upon announcing his presence – a look, a grumble and back to whatever they were doing. Also as per usual, Felix took no note and went about his things. Nea was still present and more than willing to bend any ear. A few drinks and a couple of rounds for the patrons and Felix found himself playing cards and getting open dialogue. The night stretched on as the drinks continued to be drained. A good night but no fresh information. Felix was now a bit ‘lit up’. It was time to make his way back to the keep while he could still walk. 

"Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow will have better results", speaking to the night sky as he staggered out of the Drinking Shack into the cold and starry evening.

 

Normally being intoxicated undermines one’s ability to process the details of their surroundings. 

However, Felix is special with a big ‘S’. 

He caught a shadow from the corner of his eye, at just the right time, as he bumbled through a quiet alleyway. He spun to his left as a large rock just missed mashing his melon in. 

Turning he saw a hulking man with a mop (e.g. one of those mopey Ramones guys) haircut and a handle bar moustache.

“Who are you? Show yourself. Villian!”, exclaimed the investigator as he reached out into the shadows. His hand grabbed a handle bar that turned out to be only somewhat affixed allowing the offender to slip from grip. 

It was a disguise! His other hand shot out and pulled at the mop-top. It slid off and dropped into the snow. 

“Wait! You are the dolt - Dod!”. 

The hulking man said nothing. 

No longer the dumb-dumb it would seem as a mighty fist slammed into Felix’s solar plexus – Woof! 

He now had the eyes of a heartless serial murderer. 

The investigator raised his fists, “I was first class boxer in school you know”. 

Blows were traded. Over and over again. 

Never a word from Dod just a single-minded murderous focus. 

Swings and dodges by both. 

Over and over again.

The brute was skilled, very skilled. 

But. 

 

Felix really knew how to put up a defence and wait for an opening. 

After many brutal minutes Dod lay unconscious in the snow. 

Looking at the brute and then the large stone sharing the icy ground as a resting place Felix realized that the murders had been solved. He began yelling for the constabulary. 

Guards showed up and after some direction they bound the hulk and dragged him off to a holding cell. Our investigator finally got around to finishing his stumble back to the inn.

 

The following day.


Dod would hang.

Before the folk of the mining camp whom jeered the lout and cheered Felix, which was a welcome change. 

Dod did not concede to any prodding nor did he tell any secrets before stepping forth.

His body dropped and his neck snapped.

The people cheered and Felix had become a folk hero.

“Hmmm. I wonder if I should have interrogated him first? What if he was more than simply a monster…”. 

 

A few days later.

Ding-We and company returned to Liwil.

“Sir, I have great news!”

“Don’t care dork I have other business”

Felix made his way back to the drinking shack flanked by reprobate children.

He had friends after all.



The F-Team: Felix… and maybe some children if we really stretch it.

 

ROLECALL 

Felix Ignatius Hemlock the once skeletal Sleuth (I7) 47017 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II


RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

743b days at beginning of session (Boris & Friends just outside of Liwil)

689a (Bunny Group Newville) Busy until 779

724d (Ding-We Gang Lake of Abominations/ Liwil)

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Twenty when we ask the questions:

Will Felix ever be in the limelight again?

            A: Let us be honest. All measures will be taken to avoid such an occurrence.

What plans does Felix’s Fight Club for Kids really entail?

Who does Swifta also work for and are they a problem?

Tale of the Tape

KILLS

Huge Harold aka Dod the Assassin 1000 

LOOT

A handful of gold nuggets

Saturday, 27 September 2025

Coming of the Dream Eater (Session 318)

SESSION 318: The Coming of the Dream Eater – The Dreaming Caldera Pt.1: Reluctant Heroes  

The A-Team is called to step up once more and it took a little pushing to get them to be heroic, perhaps Newville complacency played a role.

 

Day 765 (Newville): Spring was fast approaching. Bimbles was counting down the final two or so weeks before they would depart this village populated by hand holding, singing and smiling weirdos. 

This being when a curve ball was thrown. 

A trio of Mountain Elves (whatever they are) showed up in town in desperate need of heroes. Something was eating dreams. A malevolent force that they had sourced to Mt. Embersnake. It was a massive volcano many days north, strangely unseen by a perpetual cloud bank a couple miles beyond the base of the monolithic extrusion. The elves had traced the rapidly spreading doom to the volcano through some sort of undefined mysticism, or some such similar thing. They had sent a party to address the dreaming bane, they never returned. 

Now the elves needed outside help before the evil consumed all dreams. 

Word of the heroes of Barrowmaze and newly anointed banishers of Orcus Claus were to be found in Newville. The Elves presented their petition and found the A-Team to be somewhat reticent in engaging the spreading doom…

Eventually the clerics capitulated to assisting if the elves brought them to the towering mountain in question. The elves were without alternatives and yielded. The following day our band set out into the late season snows. The first day through the semi-mountainous mixed forest was uneventful. However, as they camped on the second day they encountered, or were discovered, by the last of Winter’s ranging terrors. 



A frost giant with a pack of winter wolves. They were a tricky and keenly intelligent lot managing the gang’s fortified camp. The wolves cautiously worked their way through the defences to attack the guard as the giant happily threw boulders from somewhere in the darkness. A little bit of tactical acumen caused a lot of headache. Boulders rained down as wolves circled and launched at confused hobo. Bimbles screamed to not damage the wolves as they were bitey bags of money. The fight raged until wolves began to fall and the giant was finally sighted. The forces of hobo got things done.

 

“Looks like we is gonna camp here gotta get some more fine furs”, Bimbles had enough walking for a couple of days and they all knew the value of a good winter wolf pelt. If only Steve was here to do the job properly…

 

The A-Team: Bunny, Carla, Bimbles, Saffron, Charles, Dolec Da, Nara & Lester

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 358909 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C10) 323144 xp +5% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Bunny the Thief! (T10) 314754 xp <400001> +10% CRT 1d24/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY7) 199399 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 113928 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 87256 <120000> +10% CRT 1d20/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F7) 72515 xp +10% <120000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Lester Flanders the Guardian of Oceana (P6)  49775 xp <95000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

743b days at beginning of session (Boris & Friends just outside of Liwil)

759a (Bunny Group Newville) Busy until 779

724d (Ding-We Gang Lake of Abominations/ Liwil)

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Nineteen when we ask the questions:

What? What? What? (ya we is jumping all over the place).

Tale of the Tape

Nope.

KILLS

Frost Giant 

Winter Wolves (6) 

LOOT

13,000 gp

10,000 sp

Wolf pelts TBD

Monday, 22 September 2025

Gongfarming for Riches (Session 317)

SESSION 317: The Lost Crypt pt. XI – In Search of Moar Loot! 

After a rest and some campfire hoagies our troop were convinced that another once over of the bugbear lair was due.

 

Day 283 (Dungeon): Finally they got a rest under their belts and a key in hand. They turned the chieftain’s quarter upside down finding nothing. It must be hidden somewhere…somewhere hidden by a foul creature…that does foul things…Ah ha! It must be in the shit hole! They stormed out of the chamber bound for the privy. 

The small cave reeked of filth and dung. 

Puddles of the disgusting stuff were everywhere. 

Eyes scanned for the slightest sparkle in the sea excrement but nothing. Ding-We came up with a plan. He would launch a fireball into the mess to cook the vile mess and while it cooks and then cools they would double check the evil temple prior to digging through the privy. 

Nothing was found in the temple but on the way back to the privy they ran afoul of the first of a trio of giant monitor lizards. 


(Steve, like a gentleman, gracefully sizes up his opponent as his partner (Rhags) wallows in a steaming poop pile after being grounded by a tail whip)


Voracious, even though they must have eaten their way through the hordes of dead bugbears and minotaurs the hobos had left behind. The reptile was driven off back through the hole to the lower level, not to be seen again. Not knowing that two more were lurking the gang returned to the privy now just a steamy dung hole. Steve, whom wore a necklace of adaption and Rhags being a dwarf with super constitution were the lucky poop diggers. The second of the monitor lizards ambushed the two gongfarmers moments before the third attacked from the corridor from the chieftain’s quarter. The lizards packed both a wicked bite and tail smash, that kept knocking Rhags into the steaming poop. The rinse and repeat could only last for so long until the two nearly dinosaurs were brought low. Steve delayed his farm work to gut the two lizards, “Booo! Nothing but guts. Remove these useless things from my sight!”. Back to work. He found a chest and pulled it from the excrement. Rhags tried the key. It worked and so did the still active poison needle. The dwarf laughed it off as he gazed over the glittering contents. “We gots coin and lots of it and it ain’t copper and silver!”. It was a substantial load of gold and electrum. The extra time in this hole had paid off. 

Now it was time to once more return to the surface.


Up the winding steps the climbed and opened the trap door. Once upon an age past a tower had sat here long since destroyed by the ravages of time and conflict forgotten. Now where the heck were we? Surrounded by a snow covered mixed forest resting upon rolling hills. Ugh. They could be anywhere in the Basilisk Hills or Lake of Abominations region. Ding-We recited arcane magiks and took to the air. Flying above the canopy he was greeted by a clear day and a significant line of sight.

It did not take long. 


A giant green glowing dome could be seen.. over there, a number of miles. It was the naga's space vessel home base of evil endeavours. The hobos were not all that far from controlled lands. They had ended up five or so miles north east of the stone garden where this delve had started. The wizard returned to the earth and relayed his findings. Double time march back to the Stone Garden camp. No creature stirred, none had any interest in fighting through the mountainous snow drifts. 

It took the rest of the day but they arrived just as the evening fire was being stoked by the guard.

They stayed over night and then another day to allow Mason to conduct an exorcism upon Biff. He was carrying cursed items. The sacrificial dagger and chalice from the tomb. Broken of possession Biff was back on target. 

The curse was lifted.

He had a few curses for the wizard, paying him with very questionable goods.

 

The following day they made their way back to Liwil to meet up with Felix whom was supposed to be resolving the murder mystery in the mining camp.

 

 

The D-Team: Ding-We, Rhagnar, Steve, Chung-Li, Mason, Biff & BoB

 

ROLECALL 

Hobo Steve the Lord (F10) 374812 xp +5% <480,001> CRT 1d30/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 276035 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)

            Missing thirteen teeth                      

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Wizard (W10) 558060 xp +10% <620001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

 

            The Henchmen

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Bandit Lord (HO8) 123997 <MAX> +5% CRT 1d14/II

‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 86194 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Mason the Lama of Yrrrg. (C7) 99327 <100001> CRT 1d10/III

Chung-Li the Myrmidon Warlock (E7) 137189 xp <250000> +10% CRT 1d8/II


 

RESERVES

Elapsed Campaign Time

743b days at beginning of session (Boris & Friends just outside of Liwil)

689a (Bunny Group Newville) Busy until 779

723d (Ding-We Gang Lake of Abominations/ Liwil)

 

Join us for session Three-Hundred-and-Eighteen when we ask the questions:

Hey why ain’t these the questions we is asking?

What does that even mean?

Tale of the Tape

-30-

KILLS

Giant monitor lizards (3) one escaped

LOOT

3572 gp

3900 ep