Taking Care of the Murder Business (Session 255)

SESSION 255: Even Hobos have Housework 

With gizzards harvested the mob finally returns to the surface to attend to matters that have been left unattended. Winter is here.

 

Day 192  Continued (12.20/0605): They were able to harvest three basilisk gizzards. Ding-We was feeling good and Steve was covered in gore, “Next stop the surface!”. They marched without distraction up the remaining 600 or so metres to the plug hole of the Doathog Slime Reincarnated. The godlings carcass was well decayed and smelling rather poorly. It looked like even the basilisks only took a couple of cursory bites. The hobos did not linger. Go to the light!

It was bright, very bright and cold. Once their eyes adjusted they saw a landscape now covered in snow. Welcome to Winter. They gave it little thought and began marching to the Gormandia Ferry. 

Once back at the ferry they received word from the garrison that the B-Team, much like them, had not been seen for the better part of a month. Carla did not like this development but Ding-We had gizzard on his brain, “I gotta get to Liwil immediately. Saff, Bunny, Steve and Bimbles let’s go”. Saff was like whatevs. Bunny was a little irritated as se really want some R&R. Steve was easy and Bimbles was happy not to stay at the muddy and cold mess that was the ferry.They grabbed horses and made for the Caravanserai. The snow slowed things down as there was some depth (6 – 12”). Making to Liwil today was not feasible but Ding-We pushed like it was. They quickly checked in with Felix. Only staying long enough for an update and a quick lunch. 

Ride on. 

Next stop was Greenland or New Gormandia whatever we are calling it now. Biff had been left in charge and riding up to the gate they saw signs of yet another title for the stronghold – Biffland. Fresh green flags depicting a tusked mouth and crossed swords hung from the gate. They were momentarily delayed by the watch, or until they figured out who had arrived. 

To Lord Steve -“Sir, we are sorry for everything…It seemed to keep him from shouting constantly..”. 

                                        (a machines's interpretation)

Biff just happened to be passing by, “Who has come to Biffland to pay me Mighty Biff the deference deserved of such a great emperor?”. He wore a cape and makeshift iron crown and quickly scowled when he saw the wizard, “Gah, I thought you were dead…well maybe I hoped. Oh hey Steve good to see ya”. Ding-We ignored all this and went straight to barking out orders as he still thought they could get to Liwil today, even though it was quickly getting dark. Bunny was forced to be the voice of reason, “As the captain of our expedition I am telling you – Peg-leg, that we are not pressing on in the darkness. That is Sasha’s jam not mine”. Saff sealed it, “Ya stinker”. 

Ding-We grudgingly accepted and then strolled into the compound and began giving orders. Steve and Bimbles would relieve Biff so he could go to the ferry to meet up with the rest of A-Team. Biff needed to get back on the murder-train so he was only grumpy for a bit before handing off his accoutrements to Steve. “Here ya go buddy, now you is emperor”. “Right on. Thanks chum”.  

 

Day 193 (BifflandàLiwil): Ding-We, Saff and Bunny set out for Liwil at first light. Snow slowed things down a bit and it took a couple of hours before they entered the Knights subhex. They encountered a patrol and were given an escort to the stronghold. Upon arrival Ding-We b-lined for the alchemists shop to get the intact gizzards into proper storage before any more spoil. Saff took off for the dryad tree to do whatever she does. Bunny went to the inn to get a bath and lunch. 

Arriving at the alchemist’s shop Ding-We pogoed in and began giving directions disregarding any interruption caused. Sylae put down whatever he was working on to attend to the wizard. Chung-Li was deep in work rewriting his spell book. The wizard would greatly irritate him later when the elf will learn that his works will be reallocated for the next six weeks as they would be brewing potions once more. “Tomorrow we start!” “Very good Mr. Ding-We I will begin preparing the laboratory”. 

The wizard then turned around pulled Bunny off her relaxation and dragged her along to the Basilisk Knight’s stronghold. The guard recognized them and announced the pair. Up to the war room to meet the senior knight and his captain (and daughter). Baldicar greeted then from the far side of a large table covered with a marked map and notes. To the side stood Anven. After the formalities Baldicar shared his operational information for the surrounding lands. He talked of chaos filling voids if not maintained. With the diminishment of the beastmen presence across the northern sector, brigands have been growing in number across the southern sector, likely planning to expand their influence. He also spoke of the four closest human communities – Dry Gulch, Hob, Sin and the mining camp. Hob (MC5) and Sin (MC2) were new to the two hobos the latter being more of a hive of scum and villainy. Baldicar said that the banditry, much like trade, wanes the deeper that Winter digs its’ claw in. They ended with Ding-We gifting them and the order as he also intended to do with Esphael. They rolled out collected Saff and then rode to Esphael’s tree to gift her with an ornate key, that she graciously accepted. 

Returning to Liwil for dinner Belzonock the Trader finally checked in. Ding-We was excited to hear the outcome of the trade mission. Belzonock confirmed that the trading went quite well and he felt that there was a lot of growth opportunity that is only hindered by one detail. Brigands. He had been robbed of everything on his return from Dry Gulch. 

What are the chances thought the wizard. He promised the trader that the matter would be addressed before Spring returns. Ding-We stewed over his stew. The girls chatted with Belzonock. They saw a future that had nice fabrics and comfortable pillows.

 

Day 194 (Liwil): Potion brewing commenced. Bunny and Saff relaxed after addressing the last batch of recruited troops. Biff got around to making his way to the ferry to meet up with Carla and company.

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 339203 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C9) 301725 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Hobo Steve the Lord (F9) 314678 xp +5% <360,001> CRT 1d24/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 233287 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)

            Missing thirteen teeth                 

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Wizard (W10) 503926 xp +10% <620001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

Bunny the Thief! (T9) 282710 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY7) 189378 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 109599 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO7) 101166 <120000> +5% CRT 1d12/II

‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 64817 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Felix Ignatius Hemlock the once skeletal Sleuth (I7) 47017 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 56494 xp +10% <64000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Chung-Li the Myrmidon Warlock (E6) 103411 xp <120000> +10% CRT 1d8/II

Captain Alamend Strender the Swashbuckler (F5) 37745 <32000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Lester Flanders the Warder of Oceana (P5)  37504 xp <45000> +5% CRT XXXX

Brett & Jermaine Kobold Cooks & Eavesdroppers Extraordinaire

 

RESERVES

BoB, Rhags and Alamender are lawn ornament for the Basilisk Knights.

Chung Li needs 12 weeks (74 days) and a stack of coin to rewrite his lost spell book.  

            Elapsed: 51 days (from A-Team calendar)

Elapsed Campaign Time

633 (630) days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Fifty-Six when we ask the questions:

Where and when is B-Team?

Will the brewers successfully make three potions this time?

Will Carla go in search of the other?

Tale of the Tape

General accounting

KILLS

Zilch

LOOT

Basilisk Gizzards (3)

Still Lost in a Parallel Dimension (Session 254)

SESSION 254: Siege on the Gangrenous Pt. 12 – Lost in the 3^rd  Dimension – Welcome to Jones Town

The B-Team slink their way to Jones Town and have a bitey first night.  

    (Moving from Area 1 to Area 2. Illus. by Skullfungus)

Day 185 continued- Status normal: water supply – 148 pints (8p/person+12 for Herb); Food – one day: “Let’s go to the village, I’m getting hangry”, They fell into line with Boris. They figured that even though the settlement was only three or so miles away the going would be slow across this broken and jagged carapace. About half way there they stopped for some precious drops of water as Wily pulled out his telescoping spyglass to get a better look. It was a ramshackle place on stilts that appeared to raise it above swampy waters. Movement could also be seen, certainly humanoid but too far for details. During the discussion of his observations a growing screeching noise could be heard. The source was seven pony-sized flying insects. Eyeless abominations resembling mosquitoes with certain bee-like characteristics (imagine this yourself). The insects were going to intersect with the hobos. The bugs were gross and big and the gang did not want to take any risks missiles were loosed. The pre-emptive strike made it clear that the bugs crossing our paths was trajectory and not intent, well it was now as the things course corrected and attacked. For the first and not last time today Camillus would be drained of vital fluids as one of the creatures grappled her as it plunged its vile proboscis deep into her chest quickly inflating its abdomen with her juice. The bugs were big but not huge and presented a commensurate challenge. There was a loss of blood but nowhere near enough to prevent the eventual slaughter. Camillus ever the badass simply yanked out the sucky-tube and then stuck a rock in her bloody wound to plug it up, “Lets go ya Nancy’s I’m sure ale awaits”. Boris liked this idea immensely and started pumping his stubby little legs. They marched on. 

Closing the gap to the town to about a half mile Wily once more snuck ahead to conduct reconnaissance. Halving the distance, he stopped and once more pulled out the spyglass. The town was most certainly populated by humans of various sizes. More little ones than expected, perhaps halflings. Also, more than a few with mobility issues, kinda lurching around. Looking a little further abroad he could see a line of grey smoke moving from the bank of the swamp filled crater where the town was centred, “Hmm, what do we have here do you think Agolloch?”. 

The sword was somewhat indifferent but also a bit curious, “Humans doing what they do. Living like rats… but rats are vermin. So where there is vermin we will find chaos.. to smite. Yes. Indeed. The town is interesting my host we should investigate it directly”. Agolloch thought this was sufficient to get things rolling without having to really push Wily in the right direction.

“I agree, the town should be explored”. 

His musings were interrupted when he saw a band of nine scavengers armed with spears and carrying empty sacks moving towards his quadrant. 

 

They appeared to be on a line towards the bile lake and would not observe him or the main party unless some made an effort to call attention to themselves. Then without warning the whole damn place started to shake vigorously causing a great commotion. The scavengers hunkered down clearly being familiar with the periodic occurrences one experiences when living on top of something living. Wily scoped the rest of the party. They were getting tossed all over – rank amateurs. The shake down didn’t last long, under a minute. The scavengers got up and continued their trek. Wily watched them for a few more minutes before trekking back to the rest of the hobos. Filling everyone in Wily fell back into line as Boris recommenced the trudge once more, “Let’s back-track those villagers”. It didn’t take to long for them to get to about the same spot on the crater wall. Stone block steps led down to a dock. At the end of which was a bell on a pole. Across about a ¼ mile of swamp was the shanty-stilt town and docked alongside was a ship (30’ x 15’) with no sail instead a plume of smoke arose from a stack centrally located midship. It was a technology, much like the artefacts seen in distant Denethix. 

If only Len-ardo was still with us he would be giddy – “For Science!”. Boris grew bored and gave the bell a wack. Activity quickly occurred along the distant dock and then the ship began moving towards our gang. 

                                               (Almost to scale..)

 

The steam paddler pulled up a little while later our guys hopped on board and got fleeced for ten gold each. Ha ha! nobody noticed the invisible guy we saved some sheckles. It was the Jones Town ferry and we had another stop before getting to the town. Another dock on the farside of the swamp. This being around the time when it was figured out that this would be another wacky place. Along with a trio of screwball humans, one with a sack on his head another a sickly and mopey woman and the third clearly a pirate (the advertising on his eye path really gave it away) with  blunderbuss strapped across his back. And! An imp in cargo shorts being held up by suspenders. “Sorta feels like home don’t it”, came from Raul. Ramrod reluctantly snorted in agreement. The ship turned around and pointed towards this Jones town. Our gang decided all to hang out along the starboard rail to see if they could capsize the ship… for no good reason. Rat bastards. 

Perhaps they could have prevented the sickly mopey woman from being eaten by the swamp beast or maybe she was the best choice. They quickly chopped down the beast. The ship just kept on chug-a-lugging along. Getting to dock the gang got a good look at Jones Town. It was a patchwork of scavenged material hammered together by a horde of weirdos that survived being absorbed by the hex-crab. No two buildings were the same. Just looking at the warren of pathways and passages connected by planks, ladders, and bridges was headache inducing. They disembarked and took their first dozen steps down the rickety dock.

 

“WOH There big folks. You look like new meat. In the friendliest of intentions of course”. Standing before Steve and Dolec’s toes was a small imp with big ambitions sporting an oversized orange jumpsuit. “Take a look before you, Jones Town. A great big mess that goes up up up! You my friends need something on the inside…and that is me. Grik. Your extraordinary guide. So let’s get some coin as the meter is running. Vroom! Vroom!”. Saff liked the little red goober but the leadership team were skeptical. Ding-We tried to get things rolling but the tiny carnie was a tenacious thing.           

It paid off as he got his payoff. “Let the tour begin whatcha need friends?”. Food, drink and rest was the order of the day. “Lemme take you to the best the Gutter has to offer the bar of ‘illest’ repute – Izzy’s Tavern”. They began weaseling their way through the slum district. This the lowest part of the city was defined by shanty houses and shacks built from partially digested materials salvaged from the lake. Rope bridges and ladders connecting clusters of buildings. It smelled of cooking food, stale swamp and desperation. The folks here were a sickly lot. Heck some of them even appeared not to be living, in the classic sense. Bimbles had higher standards than this, “Hey red ball! Is every part of town as gross as this?” “Heck no holy roller. Things get better and better. What did you expect to find in the gutter?” “Let’s kick it up a notch”

“Sure, why didn’t you say so. Follow me next stop the Dawn/ Dusk Market”. Grik lead them deeper into the gutter and then to a secluded alley way with a ladder going up to a trap door. “Up there friends. Then cut across the square and you will see yourself before the doors of your destination. Before you remember this IS now the appropriate time to tip your guide and don’t forget to close the trap door afterwards”. Grik successfully fleeced some more coin and then reminded all that he also does bar mitzvahs. 

The market was thriving selling and trading all sorts of interesting things. Shops, stalls and stands all over the place. Loud and smelling of a thousand different spices and herbs. If only Steve was here. He would immediately see this place to be a gourmand’s secret weapon dealer. Sadly, these mooks completely don’t get it. Reaching the Inn a sign hung before the door marking it as Copper Ginny’s. The gang rolled in and garnered some eyes and heckles – “Ha, hard to miss the latest meals they gots no clue. Welcome to Jones Town free kool-aid with every visit. Har Har”. The guffaws rolled through the tavern before the patrons returned to their previous activities losing interest in our hobos. Rolling up to the bar Boris ordered repast and booked a private chamber for the horde. 

After all the rationing over the last few weeks they all indulged, it did not hurt that the food was rather good and the ale smooth. It was a bit of a gorging and they decided to retire early so they could plot and plan in private. Loretta the innkeeper brought then to their chamber and only lingered long enough to point out their premium view of the swamp and the mountains beyond the currently inert hex-crab’s shell. 

They quickly found that they had little energy to plot so sleep it was. Then the very unlikely occurred their chamber was invaded during the dead of night. 

                                                 (Wretched Spawn by Vince Locke)

A trio of wretched spawn, the most degenerate of vampiric spawn and notoriously bestial, crashed through the large viewing window. Unlike their broken and mangled faces their gazes were hypnotic. Gurn and Ramrod fell under the control of the Spawn and moved to defend them. Shit got messy. Not surprisingly. The hobos were able to defeat the first two creeps forcing them to convert to gas. The third was insistent and took a bite out of the ever bold & brave Camillus. Blood sprayed as her lifeforce was diminished. Camillus don’t care though. She just kept swinging until the third also turned to gas and began floating away. The gang did not know what to do next. The vampires were not really dead. Just defeated. Their control over Rammer and Gurn still in place. 

What to do?

What to do?

 

ROLECALL 

Raul the Voyager (MD9) 262984 xp +10% <360000> CRT 1d12/III

            Fezzi-Gig (Neut: XXXX) Sword

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Electrical Dwarven Lord (D9) 364909 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 25 teeth (7 remaining), drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Major Corruption: Crackles with electrical energy              

Ramrod the Cloned Thief! (T9) 172090 xp +5% <280001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Sloth the Bopper (L7) 177408 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Missing ten teeth

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 123237 xp +0% <150000> CRT 1d20/IV

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D4) 27925 <36000> +5% CRT 1d12/III

Wendul the Magician (W6) 49673 <80000> 5% CRT 1d8/I

Camillus the Myrmidon (F7)  87854 <120001> +5% CRT 1d20/IV

Willy the Reformed Burglar (T6)  28061 <40000>10% CRT 1d14/II

            Agolloch the Eye of Purity (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Ike the Duck (DF6) – AVATAR

Katre the Elf-Girl (E3) 8114 xp <XXXX> +0% CRT 1d8/II

 

RESERVES

BoB is the lone lawn ornament for the Basilisk Knights.

Brett & Jermaine Kobold Cooks & Eavesdroppers Extraordinaire – Cooking & Cleaning

Chung Li needs 12 weeks (74 days) and a stack of coin to rewrite his lost spell book.  

            Elapsed: 33 days (from group A)

Elapsed Campaign Time

604 (630) days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Fifty-???? when we ask the questions:

Are we going to do anything about the enthrallment?

Are we even watching the three fart clouds?

Does anyone remember we are completely out of supplies?

Explore Jones Town?

What’s the deal with the imps and ghouls mixing with the townsfolk?

Really, what are you going to do next?

Are those metal clad footsteps and shouting we hear beyond the door?

Do we remember that we are on top of the hexagonal carapace of a kaiju sized crab-thing?

And for that matter why isn’t it moving?

Really (pt. II), what the actual heck is going on?

Tale of the Tape

Location hex: ??dreamlands??4^th Dimension??Somewhere else??

Raul is now the proud owner of Queasy Bert’s Green Shield of Capitulation 

Lady Versamage’s bones travel along inside a sack (4 days)

Camillus was drained of life force from degenerate vampire spawn

KILLS

Screechers (7) 

Swamp monster 

Wretched Spawn (3) -defeated to gaseous form

 

LOOT

nope

Murder Beach Party (Session 253)

SESSION 253: On the Beach

Wandering around looking for the tube to the surface. A chance encounter points them in the right direction. Things, as they are apt to do, took a turn for the worse at the last possible moment.

 

Day 191 (12.20/0605): The crew disembarked one last time. Once more pressed out across the rolling sand dunes. They went SE in search of the wall. It was uneventful. Once there they decided to go that way (W). A couple of hours later a number of lanterns could be seen. Cautiously moving forward, it was a wagon with five footmen. Hailing the wagon they were greeted by the guards and once cleared they were escorted to the now stationary wagon. 

 

Out popped three sharp dressed men – Malaki, Palaki & Laki. They were merchants from Vermillion ( a City-State somewhere out there in the preposterously large underworld) each specializing in their own fine libation – rum, ale and wine. They were of a friendly sort but were in a rush, behind schedule to reach their destination to trade the vast majority of their wares. Never being ones to discount a trade opportunity they offered to sell their limited spare inventory. For some reason our gang decided to take this the wrong way and decided to be dicks. The merchants once more explained that they were concerned that they would miss their very important meeting if they tarried too long. Our gang continued to be indifferent. Once again the merchants showed their professionalism and satisfied our band of jerks and made a three-flavoured sale and then began to move along. We had to stop them one more time with a final inquiry – “Have you seen a gross wet hole in the wall?”. 

They had, it was the other way about ¾ of a day. “Now we must truly did you adieu”. With that the leader of the guard cried out “Double time otherwise this diversion will wreck our mission those damn flippers are flighty!”.

They went that way and the hobos went this. Sometime later fatigue began to set in and camp was made. Steve cooked up the last of his fish reserves and they settled in. It took a little while but the fish roast attracted attention. A trio of hungry griffons stealthy attacked from above during the first watch. They swooped out from and back into the darkness causing some challenges until Saff was convinced to fly up and illuminate beyond the camp light. She took a nasty pecking and would sometime in the future fill Ding-We’s bed roll with centipedes to teach him a lesson – do not mess with the Queen of Ribbits. With Saff extending the visibility range they finally began to mount a strong counter attack. Two griffons were brought down and the third retreated into the darkness. The rest of the rest cycle was uneventful.

 

Day 192 (12.20/0605): They broke camp and made the final push for the tunnel. It took 3 hours. Bunny took a look and was convinced that this was indeed the tube they came down, handholds and all. A snack was had and then they began the grind back up to the surface. 

About ¾ of the hike was uneventful. Bunny heard scratching of many claws and then saw numerous glowing red eyes. A flash of scales. “Oh no…Basilisks!”, screamed Bunny as the beasts charged. Two immediately fell upon the thief while three others came up behind. Bunny was able to fend off being petrified again but still took a nasty bite before she made a hasty escape. The first two monsters hit the front line as the leadership group began to freak out “We gotta go nuclear now!”, screamed Ding-We right before he dangerously discharged a fireball that also engulfed the first two ranks of hobos. Saff and her wizard then started pulling out wands. The clerics brought forth protections to ward and aid. One basilisk down four to go. Steve and Dolec held the line. “Boys stand strong things are about to get real cold”, Ding-We moved upto the second rank and discharged his wand of frost. He well frosted the tanks and basilisks. The terrible beasts were frozen solid. Steve & Dolec only mostly so. This was a victory. “Gah! Why are we not back in Denethix? Who cannot see the warning? The damnable Basilisk Hills! They even have a cult for crying out loud….”, Bimbles once more reasserting his disdain for the country life. No one paid much attention as Steve, Dolec and Charles started opening the creatures guts and all sorts of stuff, shiny stuff, was spilling out. 

Looks like they hit a major payout. 

 

Ding-We derailed the celebration as he began yelling for gizzards.

It would take some time to deliver his demand. 

They would be spending some time in the tube before finally getting back to the surface.

So close, but not close enough.

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 339203 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C9) 301725 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Hobo Steve the Lord (F9) 314678 xp +5% <360,001> CRT 1d24/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 233287 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)

            Missing thirteen teeth                    

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Wizard (W10) 503926 xp +10% <620001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

Bunny the Thief! (T9) 282710 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY7) 189378 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R8) 119078 xp +10% <200000> CRT 1d10/III

Mason the Lama of Yrrrg. (C7) 72857 <100001> CRT 1d10/III

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 77674 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 56494 xp +10% <64000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Captain Alamend Strender the Swashbuckler (F5) 37745 <32000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Lester Flanders the Warder of Oceana (P5)  37504 xp <45000> +5% CRT XXXX

 

RESERVES

BoB is the lone lawn ornament for the Basilisk Knights.

Chung Li needs 12 weeks (74 days) and a stack of coin to rewrite his lost spell book.  

            Elapsed: 50 days (from A-Team calendar)

Elapsed Campaign Time

632 (630) days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Fifty-Four when we ask the questions:

Can’t we just get to the surface?

What about this Vermillion place?

Could we actually maintain a trading outpost down here?

Tale of the Tape

Rhags and Alamend are still rocks

Lester and Mason brought back from petrification through divine ritual.

Exploration Below the Blighted Sub-Hex

Location hex: 12.20

 

KILLS

Griffons (2) 

Basilisks (5) 

LOOT

20000 gp

5000 pp

The Long Sail to the Surface (Session 252)

SESSION 252: Reach the Beach 

Tired of waiting for the holy rollers to rise they are dragged back to the ship which Bunny seems to have commandeered. It was time to return to the shores from whence they came. Things are not a disaster but also not as smooth as hoped.

 

Day 183 (12.20/0605 Underground Sea): Well they rested a cycle but the dang holy rollers continued to be comatose. They realized that they had only guesses as to when the corpses would rise. They had to move along, get back to the ship, they had water but Steve’s crab supply was already almost gone. They stripped down the sleepers, stowed away the gear with the remaining two hobo statues in the portable hole and then threw them over shoulders and they marched out of the vault. 

Almost through the mushroom chamber they stopped at the fungus crater due to the low food supply. Bunny noticed that a bunch of shrooms had been picked very recently. Steve did not care and picked a load. 

Returning to the second level, maze of the minotaur, they were greeted by a host of little draconic dog-men – kobolds. They were not hostile, in fact they may have been cheering. Stepping forward was their captain Rawk. He proffered two bags of mixed coins as a pair of kobolds came forward with baskets full of fish. Steve did not know what was going on but he was liking where things were going. It seems that the manticore was a huge problem for them. Mushrooms were a key component of their diet and the three-in-one took great pleasure in eating their mates. Now with it dead they could freely continue to cultivate and harvest from the fungi garden without often being consumed. “Hey thanks little guys. You wouldn’t happen to have some booze to wash this all down would you?”. They did. A bunch of them ran off while the others put on an ‘interesting’ song and dance presentation for our entertainment. It was not well practiced but they are funny little creatures. A couple of acts later two barrels of ale were produced. The kobolds then paraded the gang through the maze and back to the stairs back to the cave bear den.

Leaving behind the little goobers they made their way around the bear deterrent system (palisade) and quietly up the stairs. It did not take long for the two remaining cave bears to show up. Steve started hucking fish towards the animals while Saffron attempted to charm the sow. It worked. Saff landed on the bears head and used its ears to direct it to the platform. Everyone loaded on before the male bear ran out of fishy bribery. Back up to the arena they went. 

Nothing had changed in the arena. “My bear bear! My bear bear!”, Saff ran her bear around as Steve and Ding-We returned to the outer alcove to chat with Froguria. 

Just before returning to the ancient giant the wizard realized that they could not bring a 14’ bear no matter what Saff wants or does. She was going to be angry for sure.

“Hmmm. Not dead yet, but keep trying I’m sure you will get it done. The enemies you made with your antics will likely be more insistent than the friends you earned”. 

Ding-We opened up his portable hole and Steve pulled out the two barrels, “A little parting gift before the big (furry) parting gift. A couple barrels of ale and perhaps a cave bear to keep you company?”. “Nothing comes for free I guess and I am a good fisher-giant. You have a deal bring the beast forth”. They fell back and Ding-We faced the fury of an insane fairy spurned. Steve decided to sit with the giant for a while. To escape his brow beating Ding-We decided to grab Bunny, Charles and Saff (to distract and remind her of things) and they made their way to the platform to return to the den and see if he could muster the kobolds. He wanted something but the idea was half formed. Back down into the darkness they shouted for the dog-men and were ambushed by the remaining bear. Wow. Cave bears are big and mean. Ding-We ended up being crushed underneath the beast. He was about to die but Saff was able to paralyze the brute in the nick of time saving her dick of a boss. 

Bunny quickly finished it off once Charles got the wizard out from underneath, “Good idea Peg-leg”. They quickly retreated. Steve was sent down with Charles and Dolec to skin the bear. It took the rest of the day to get the job done but it was worth it, a full pelt in excellent condition. Once done they thought it was high time to get off this rock. They would sleep aboard the ship and set sail as soon as possible. Bunny was informed that she was now captain since Alamend was a rock. Carla may have provided the voice of wisdom but she and her cronies were still comatose.

 

Day 184 (12.20/0605 Underground Sea): Captain Bunny takes the wheel with a strong breeze in the sails, “Avast ye scurvy dogs do your things we arrg going home!”. 

 

Day 185 (12.20/0605 Underground Sea): This day they were awoken by a ship that was being tossed around like a ping-pong ball in a boxcar. Gale force weather this day. There would be no meditation or study and they were blown off course. The misdirection will become apparent when what should have been a three day journey turned into eight.

 

Day 186 (12.20/0605 Underground Sea): Today a mild breeze assisted with the SS Serpent to continue its off course journey.

 

Day 187 (12.20/0605 Underground Sea): A faint breeze today. His allowed for some concerted effort to really review the strange celestial illumination from the mega-cavern ceiling. Bunny and the brain-trust concluded they were notably off course and it was correction time.

 

Day 188 (12.20/0605 Underground Sea): Back on target with a fresh breeze they sailed on. Hopefully SE as intended. Today was a good day to drop a challenge. A pair of giant mantids attacked late in the morning. They surprised our team and were voracious in their hunger. Probably also blown of course during the gale three days ago. The bugs fought with abandon in need of food. Unfortunately for the bugs, Steve did the same, “This stuff tastes like spider the other other other chicken!’. 

 

Day 189 (12.20/0605 Underground Sea): The storm returned today but was nice enough to blow our ship in the right direction, mostly. Around midday the holy rollers finally arose from their slumbers. This initially provided cheers until our beaten hobos learned that the four were empty of spiritual powers, “Boooo”.

 

Day 190 (12.20/0605 Underground Sea): A strong breeze would push the ship right into the tentacles of an angry giant octopus. There was fighting and criminal loss of yummy food. 

Later that day Captain Bunny crashed the ship into the shallows before a deep and long reaching beach composed of equal parts sand, shells and bones. “Yo-Ho-Ho it is done my mateys, drop the anchor!” Bunny hollered and grabbed a rail as the ship listed hard to its port side. As many other hobos tumbled all over the place some made comment about Bunny’s confusion regarding how to park a ship properly. She was disinterested in the nuances and relationship between running aground and operator error.

 

It looks like they had found their way back to the beach. 

 

The day had gotten long so they would camp on the ship one more night before beachcombing for the tunnel back to the surface. A portent, and not so grim, came that night a herd of fishy horse creatures came a dancing past and around the ship. Saffron revelled in this and probably forgot how Ding-We took her bear away. She returned to the ship with none the wiser and waited for the day to begin.

 

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 339203 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C9) 301725 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Hobo Steve the Lord (F9) 314678 xp +5% <360,001> CRT 1d24/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 233287 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)

            Missing thirteen teeth  

Raul the Voyager (MD9) 254664 xp +10% <360000> CRT 1d12/III

            Fezzi-Gig (Neut: XXXX) Sword

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4, 

Removed one of his own nostrils.

Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 356589 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV

Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face

            Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)

            Multiple Injuries: lost 25 teeth (7 remaining), drools a lot CHA -1

            Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)                         

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Wizard (W10) 503926 xp +10% <620001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

Bunny the Thief! (T9) 282710 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T8) 157770 xp +5% <160001> CRT 1d20/II

             Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)

            Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp (-5’ mve)

            Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY7) 189378 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Sloth the Bopper (L7) 173249 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)

            Missing ten teeth

Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 109599 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II

Wraith Drained: -1 CON

Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO7) 101166 <120000> +5% CRT 1d12/II

Sasha Plasha the Warden (R8) 119078 xp +10% <200000> CRT 1d10/III

‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 64817 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Felix Ignatius Hemlock the once skeletal Sleuth (I7) 47017 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II

Mason the Lama of Yrrrg. (C7) 72857 <100001> CRT 1d10/III

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 77674 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swashbuckler (D4) 23766 <36000> +5% CRT 1d12/III

Wendul the Magician (W6) 45514 <80000> 5% CRT 1d8/I

Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 56494 xp +10% <64000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Camillus the Myrmidon (F7)  83695 <120001> +5% CRT 1d20/IV

Willy the Reformed Burglar (T6)  23902<40000>10% CRT 1d14/II

            Agolloch the Eye of Purity (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Chung-Li the Myrmidon Warlock (E6) 103411 xp <120000> +10% CRT 1d8/II

Captain Alamend Strender the Swashbuckler (F5) 37745 <32000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Lester Flanders the Warder of Oceana (P5)  37504 xp <45000> +5% CRT XXXX

Ike the Duck (DF6) – AVATAR form.

Brett & Jermaine Kobold Cooks & Eavesdroppers Extraordinaire

 

RESERVES

BoB is the lone lawn ornament for the Basilisk Knights.

Chung Li needs 12 weeks (74 days) and a stack of coin to rewrite his lost spell book.  

            Elapsed: 42 days (from A-Team calendar)

Elapsed Campaign Time

624 (630) days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Fifty-Three when we ask the questions:

Right so where are we, like really?

How do we find the tunnel?

Will we find the tunnel?

Will this side-quest ever end? 

Tale of the Tape

Rhags and Alamend are still rocks

Lester and Mason brought back from petrification through divine ritual.

Exploration Below the Blighted Sub-Hex

Location hex: 12.20

 

KILLS

Giant octopus 

Cave bear 

Giant Mantis (2) 

LOOT

500 cp

400 sp

867 gp

Ship in a Bottle

Murderers meets Destroyer (Session 251)

SESSION 251: The Eater of Seas

The final push to Arid was not a cake walk and upon setting sight on the target reality hit home with some weight.

 

Day 182 Continued Further (12.20/0605 Underground Sea): Down the steps they went for 60’ before opening into a massive sandy-floor chamber. A huge crater dominated the centre of the chamber filled with pale white and blue speckled mushrooms and 30’ to 40’ high pock-marked mesas surrounded it. To the west waterfalls could be heard beyond a giant sized staircase. 

A sinister voice suddenly echoed through the cavern from atop one of the mesas.

First voice -“Please tell me you have good tales to tell, I’ve been completely bored. If it’s good I promise I won’t eat you...”
Second  voice- “Oh, I do delight when you use that tone of voice. Raises my hairs don’t ya know! Giddyup!” 

Third voice -‘rumbled laughter’. 

 

Ding-We shot a glance to Bunny, she knew what it meant. Find where those voices are coming from. Carla attempted to take control of the dialogue and drag the entities into the light. 

Nope. 

They were comfortably wherever in the chamber they were.

 

First – “Tell me a tale of your adventures little people. Entertain me! I have a good four hours available. But make it good or I will eat one of you.”

Second – “Ha ha time to save your bacon treasure hunters.”

Third – “For me make it short….”

Second – “Oh Sionned you sly cat you, ha ha.”

 

The tale started in a rickety shack bound by a ‘B’ grade apprentice playing with powers way beyond his hardly nascent competency. This lead to a corn field and wicked little dwarves slaughtering folks only inches removed from being librarians, fishermen and candlemakers. Then came aimless wandering and finally a village and then stories of a mountain containing lost relics of a time long since lost and for the brave and lucky few the first steps towards a new life in a bizarre and wacky world dominated by insane wizards and the unspeakable. A city great, glorious and packed full of danger. Into ancient sewers only to be transported perhaps thousands of miles away to a maze. A great forest that finished with spiders, so many spiders in skinny jeans to highlight their mental powers. Then a bridge that lead to a town that unearthed rumours of a great and vast tomb ripe with evil and wealth undreamed of… on and on went the yarn until the time had past. Ding-We made sure to track this. He had things to do. Bunny had figured where the trio were but they could not be seen. 

 

“Alright. There ya go. That is the story of our lives as murderhobos. A deal is a deal. We got things to do”, Ding-We was feeling extra impatient. 

 

Second – “The stairs are behind you – whoop whoop!”

First – “You have avoided a random eating. But you cannot pass.. unless”.

“Gah spit it out man! What is it?”, a wizard spinning on his peg-leg.

Third – “This conversation is getting boring”.

First – “We could let you pass if we were not bound to guard what we all know lays beyond. Do the following for us to free us from this place and then do as you will. Slay a storm giant shamaness found to the north and break the spell that keeps us here”.

Second – “Don’t worry little ones you will die against her, so no worries”. 

First – “ I will even provide you a magical whistle. If you succeed of course. That will summon me in your time of need”.

Third – “Yes, do it. Free ussss”.

 

Ding-We had really had enough of this by this point and just wanted to get the fight rolling. He signalled to Saff and Bunny to light up the mesa from where they believed that the voices came. For the briefest of moments they caught sight of the Three-That-Are-One before it took wing and disappeared into the darkness. It was an ancient chimera a most wicked abomination. It erupted from the darkness to rain fire upon the frontliners. 

The beast was sly and kept to the air. Strafing out from the darkness. Potions of flight were quaffed to bring the fight to the beast and break its control of the rules of engagement. This resulted in Ding-We coming face to faces at the wrong time leading to a beating prior to his timely escape. Saffron learned that she isn’t always the fastest bug in the air and received a good ramming from Magara’s (Second) great goat horns. The fight was long and challenging leaving a number of hobos once more looking down the barrel, so to speak. The chimera, Ildeven/ Magara/ Sionned, were but three-in-one versus our eight remaining well-trained hobos. It was realized, too late, that the chimera could have been a wealth of neat components but the really did make a mess of the beast. Steve the steady hand that he is was able to harvest its wingtips and goat horns so better than nothing. During this time Bunny and Saff collected the healthy stash of treasure atop the beast’s mesa, “Check this out goobers! We just got paid”. Bunny then spilled thousands of golden and platinum coins onto the ground. There was more to make payment for the murder to be completely worth it. Bimbles and Carla took keen note of six blocks of incense that glowed brightly when detection magicks passed over. They each took three recognizing the find.

 

After not limited amount of bandaging and healing they pressed on to the final destination the vault of Arid. It was impressive, most impressive.

 

Demonic fish faces spewing forth water into basins surrounds the walls of this intricately carved chamber. Near the centre was a gigantic bowl (10’ tall) filled with smoking sand and in the middle was a titan-sized blackened sword sticking out of it (that's even bigger than giant-sized- wow). Silver chains were wrapped around the hilt and connect it to the bowl. As they approached the sword the volume of water from the fish-demon faces increased by the second. The chamber was notably filling with water. By the time they reached the bottom and conducted their initial investigations the water was approaching four feet in depth. And then the water took form, that of a massive angry wave 8’ high by 32’ wide. This was the final guardian of Arid the Drinker of Seas a colossal water elemental. 

Water is bad m’kay. It climbed up their hobo legs and began to constrict their hobo guts as a ginormous watery first swung about giving the gang the business. OOF!

They were not ‘ready’ for another epic boss fight but the wave seemed completely disinterested in parlay. Fight. Fight. Fight. 

The water closed like a noose around the gang and just kept squeezing and punching. Alas, even water can only take so many pokes, pops and poorly chosen spells. The water broke like a wave on a bulkhead. The wet began to recede and the gang stood before the 10’ high sandy bowl containing Arid. 

“That is one big galdarned sword and it don’t look none too nice”

“Nope”

“Well Shee-it. What do we do now?”

Ding-We pulled out the golden skull of Cormandyr and had Steve push him up into the bowl. So the skull could "see" the chained sword. 

“Wow! That is a nasty piece of work. I guess a couple of you could carry it and run after any damn dirty orc that shows up” the skull was once again blathering. 

Ding-We largely ignored the head and plunked it down on Arid, “Identify this, chatty skull”. “Sure partner sure. Here we go…. Wow. Yikes. This thing is not nice”. Contact awoke the sword from its musings of destruction and it began shouting a lot of unfriendly stuff. They tried to ignore it as Cormandyr (the chatty skull previously retrieved at some other god forsaken isle on the Zotanni Sea - ed.) told some of its story. “Arid: A legendary titan sword, once wielded by the titan Grumver the Arid Walker. It was wrested away during a giant war, with Marhduun the Dehydrator obtaining the sword and becoming a servant to the sword’s will. Arid is a sentient bastard sword made for giants. A human may not wield it unless magically enhanced in size. Triple damage against creatures of water or ice only. Sensory Power: Detect Water within a half mile. Special Purpose: Dehydrate Water—its purpose is to drink the seas and make the planet a desert. Its Dehydrate power can disintegrate 50 gallons of water per round. If plunged into a sea, its rate of water disintegration is doubled per day, every day until it's removed, destroyed, or the sea is dry…Talk about destroying the world. Nice sword hope y’all survive finding it”. 

“Evil!”, exclaimed the green girl. 

“Nope. Totally neutral even though its end game would result in mass extinction. Well probably total extinction of all life once it turned the world into a waterless husk. Funny that. It does sound totally evil from a living perspective”, was the golden skull’s clarification. 

The two holy-rollers began to confer and they did it quickly before the wizard came up with a half-baked plan that would likely result in Armageddon. “It must be destroyed. We have a plan”, with that the two clerics laid out a ritual of sacrifice and destruction that would even require the other two petrified holy warriors. 

To destroy Arid it would take some umph. 

They chalked out an octagram around Arid then placing a ‘holy one’ in each of the cruxes between two vertices. They fired up the incense and petitioned TMB, Spinning Stars & Moons, Yrrrg and Oceana to accept their sacrifices to sunder Arid. 

The ritual took awhile longer than ideal due to Mason and Lester being petrified so proxies had to do their petitioning. Hours later the ritual did reach its peak and the two clerics and two proxies stepped towards Arid with their sacrifices raised on high. Simultaneously the offerings were laid into Arid with sundering force. Next came a blinding light and concussive blast that sent even the observers off their feet. 

Arid was no more and the gods were a bit more than satisfied. Mason and Lester were flesh once more but all four of the holy rollers appeared to be in sort of comatose state. 

Steve recognized the situation quicker than expected, “Get the cooking supplies out. We is not leavin this place yet”.

 

Really was a good half day when you measure it all out.

Note: If it was italicized those words were from Malrex of the Merciless Merchants. 

Integrate their stuff into your game. We are having lots of fun.

 

ROLECALL 

Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C10) 339203 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d12/III

            Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm

Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C9) 301725 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III

            +2 save to poison and internal body things; Double eat (gotta feed my baybay)

Hobo Steve the Lord (F9) 314678 xp +5% <360,001> CRT 1d24/V

            Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)

Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 233287 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV

            Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)

            Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)

            Missing thirteen teeth                     

Ding-We the Peg-Legged Wizard (W10) 503926 xp +10% <620001> CRT 1d10/I

            Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)

Bunny the Thief! (T9) 282710 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II

            Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand

 

            The Henchmen

Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY7) 189378 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III

            Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen

            Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts

Mason the Lama of Yrrrg. (C7) 72857 <100001> CRT 1d10/III

Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 77674 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV

            Franz the Grave Return (Lawful; XXXX) Sword

Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON) 

            Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON)

Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 56494 xp +10% <64000> CRT 1d20/IV

            Missing five teeth

Captain Alamend Strender the Swashbuckler (F5) 37745 <32000> +5% CRT 1d16/IV

Lester Flanders the Warder of Oceana (P5)  37504 xp <45000> +5% CRT XXXX

RESERVES

BoB is the lone lawn ornament for the Basilisk Knights.

Chung Li needs 12 weeks (74 days) and a stack of coin to rewrite his lost spell book.  

            Elapsed: 41 days (from A-Team calendar)

Elapsed Campaign Time

623 (630) days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation) 

Join us for session Two-Hundred-and-Fifty-Two when we ask the questions:

When you do something big you make both allies and enemies right?

Was it too easy to sunder Arid?

Now what are we going to do?

Tale of the Tape

Rhags and Alamend are still rocks

Lester and Mason brought back from petrification through divine ritual.

Exploration Below the Blighted Sub-Hex

Location hex: 12.20

 

KILLS

Chimera 

Greater Water Elemental 

LOOT

5,700gp

2,100pp, 

platinum and emerald rimmed goblet (900 gp)

two silver armbands with diamond clips (400 gp)

three golden necklaces (200 gp each)

velvet sack of 12 rubies (50 gp each)

diamond whistle (300 gp) 

Incense of meditation (6)

Potion of Speed, 

scroll with Wall of Ice

Ring of X-ray Vision.