SESSION 159: Trapped in the Gem Prison of Zardax
Where were we? Right right we were in a courtyard of a lost serptanic city before what we referred to as door number three. The thieves went to work. The door, was heavy wood largely covered in hammered brass built to last the ages and the proof was there. It was barred and locked with an irrationally heavy padlock – almost comical.
“Let the master take this one limpy, lispy and drooly rookie”, Bunny pulled out her tools and Rammer made little effort not to goop on her shoulder while watching “youth earned thatth”.
It took a few minutes but Bunny popped it and stepped aside, “alright meatballs your go”. Steve and Rhags moved into position to open the portal. The door was a little stiff but was not going to put up a fight. Swinging open revealed a stairwell. Carla tossed in a light stone. The steps descended about 10’ before transitioning into a corridor that extended into the darkness.
We were about to press on but a commotion in the vicinity caught our attention. Saff buzzed up wards over the building to get a look. Reporting back in her own nutty way, “Big fire woof caught in eyeballs!”(edited for coherency and length). The last few months of having Saffron as a loyal minion has helped Ding-We decipher her chitter slang. It looks like the humungous and fiery demon wolf was surrounded by Optics and not in control of the situation. It was decided that Saff’s insistence to intercede was the right thing to do. The Optics were clearly bad-things and the first encounter with the wolf was neutral. “Perhaps we can earn an ally?”
The fight was a couple hundred feet down the laneway from the courtyard. Our hobos started hustling. The wolf was in trouble upon arrival. A nasty gash on one of its hind quarters and surrounded by those damnable Optics. Even though they are big eye scarecrows the fight with the wolf allowed the hobos to surprise them. We hit hard and fast. The Optics seemed to have a grudge with the wolf and focused almost solely on bringing it down. They almost succeeded but it is really difficult to ignore a tide of MurderHobos™. The fight ended and we were now standing off with a 40’ long wolf that was perhaps nearly mortally injured. Saff used this unease to fly up and land on the beast’s head. It seems that some mythological type creatures can be soothed by a lunatic creature of the Fey. Carla and Bimbles approached offering healing. The wolf’s eyes leaked flame as the very ground upon where it stood smoldered underfoot. Our crazy bug had gotten the woof to allow the clerics to approach and conduct healing magics. As its wound sealed it gave a low howl and then leapt. Saff went sailing off in one direction while the wolf, once more, quickly disappeared as it went from roof top to roof top.
With this distraction resolved we moved back to the brass door and what lay beyond. The passage was carved into the living rock and went for about 40’ before ending in a non-descript stone door, exceptionally well-built but without adornment. Neither trapped nor locked. It opened into a square chamber again carved from the living stone but this time a masterclass in finishing and yet oddly devoid of detail or flourish. The dwarves were gobsmacked until they noticed that in the centre of the chamber was a podium upon which sat the largest emerald any had ever set eye to. Greymin began to shake with lust. After some divine and arcane scanning of the chamber it was determined that the chamber was as it appeared just rock the emerald glowed radiantly. Revealing some sort of magical nature. Greymin was now nearly going into seizure. He was given clearance to go grab it in some Indiana Jones style way. Well, it was a trap. A blinding flash of green washed over the gang.
Guess what? Our hobos where now somewhere else. A rectangular chamber with vivid orange walls.
-static-
Is this thing on?
At your leisure sir.
Ahem…
Impudent fools!
You dare oppose Zardax the Impressive?
Whoever you are, almost certainly insignificant sub-humans, you are no match for my diabolical prison of inescapable terror!
And seeing as you will surely perish in this cursed place, I see no reason not to gloat…
….. sometime later…
And in closing are shall fear the name Zardax the Impressive!
-static-
How was that?
Very good, master.
Excellent, send it down to editing and then loop it.
Yes master.
-static-
Is this thing on?
…ad nauseum…
Here we go again. The hobos began to investigate their surroundings. A slightly eaten grub thing and a nice fur bag with some coin were discovered, along with a door that led to another chamber devoid of interest beyond a door like thing that held a hand print inscribed with some sort of strange symbology in the palm. Somebody touched it. The door more dissolved than opened. Revealing a grey corridor, about 100’ long and an odd blue pillar in the middle and a subtle grinding noise could be heard.
They entered and the ‘door’ rematerialized behind then shortly after, now displaying a different symbol in the palm. A little experimenting later. It seems they were in a revolving chamber that regularly changed its destination. Ding-We felt that there was a finite number of chambers so they experimented. He was correct but their screwing about attracted the attention of a bunch of hairless cat/ elf things and our gumbys made a run for it. Ended up in another couple of gaudy coloured chambers with a couple more fur bags holding some loot. Then almost into a huge chamber piled with stones (?) of very similar size except that there was a giant liquid silver wasp that was hidden above the door and plunged its stinger into to all that attempted to enter. The hobos ran back into the previous chamber and left to find themselves in another chamber rather than the one from which they had entered.
The chamber was cold mostly square with blueish white walls with a frozen fountain at its centre and loaded with snowmen. There were also to secondary chambers at the back of the room. Did I mention that it was cold, like really cold? There were also ten ice people clad in ridiculously heavy armour wielding icy-blue great swords. These maniacs only had murder on their minds and so we danced. These frosty elf impersonators were able to deal some damage but they could not stand up to the power of a fully operational MurderHobo™ mob.
We finished them up and then began to explore the cell.
ROLECALL
Carla the Green High Priestess of TMB (C9) 250538 xp +10% <300001> CRT 1d12/III
Scars: permanent loss left index finger and scarring on arm
Bimbles the High Priest of GSS (C8) 214778 xp +5% <300001> CRT 1d12/III
Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm
Hobo Steve the Superhero (F8) 212423 xp +5% <240,001> CRT 1d24/V
Brain Damaged: reduced mental capacity (tough night on the town)
Rahgnar the Dwarven Superhero (D8) 177260 xp <280001> CRT 1d20/IV
Serious wound: permanent loss of an eye (-1 to missile fire)
Critical Wound: disembowelled less able to process poison (-1 penalty)
Raul the Voyager (MD8) 188805 xp +10% <240000> CRT 1d12/III
Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -4,
Removed one of his own nostrils.
Ding-We the Peg-Legged Sorcerer (W9) 404555 xp +10% <470001> CRT 1d10/I
Critical Wound: Left leg obliterated, runs at ½ rate (peg required)
Bunny the Thief! (T9) 184055 xp <280001> +10% CRT 1d20/II
Light wound: permanent loss of pinky finger, off hand
Ramrod the Cloned Magsman (T8) 118078 xp +5% <160001> CRT 1d20/II
Serious wound: Bad Back (-1 stone CC)
Scars: Neurological damage to hip, noticeable limp
Missing eight teeth talks with a lisp
The Henchmen
Saffron the Mad Fairy Queen of Ribbits (FY7) 137081 xp <200001> CRT 1d10/III
Moderate wound: Scar on abdomen
Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed guts
Sloth the Bopper (L7) 135460 xp +10% <178800> CRT 1d20/IV or 1d6/G (vs. s, m)
Mental Illness: Mummy-a-phobic
Nara the Nearly Naked Purple Swami Girl (PS7) 72067 xp +5% <125000> CRT 1d16/II
Wraith Drained: -1 CON
Biff Bartley the Half-Orc Blackguard (HO7) 84562 <120000> +5% CRT 1d12/II
Lasting injury: Crushed spinal column -6”H, -5’mv, -10% thieving
Sasha Plasha the Warden (R7) 88462 xp +10% <100000> CRT 1d10/III
Dolec Da the Hero (F5) 21490 xp +10% <32000> CRT 1d16/IV
Camillus the Myrmidon (F6) 59015 <65001> +5% CRT 1d16/IV
Greymin the Dwarven Hero (D5) 21691 <35000> +5% CRT 1D14/III
‘BOB’ the Deadly Shade (N7) 59275 <90000> +5% CRT 1d16/II
Felix Ignatius Hemlock the previously Skeletal Sleuth (I7) 42208 <80001> +5% CRT 1d16/II
Mason the Canon of Yrrrg. (C6) 40211 <50001> CRT 1d10/III
Yasser Imaphat the Djinn (D4) 30372 <32501> CRT 1d6/II
Gurn Hammerhand the Dwarven Swordsman (D3)
Wendul the Thaumaturgist (W5)
RESERVES
Charles in Charge the Myrmidon (F6) 45913 <64000> +10% CRT 1d16/IV
REMAINING RECUPERATION: 0 DAYS
Critical Wound: Punctured lung (-2 CON)
Mostly DEAD. (-1 CON) -ADJUSTMENT REQ’D
Boris the Dwarven Lord (D9) 319718 xp +10% <400001> CRT 1d20/IV
REMAINING RECUPERATION: 2 DAYS
Serious wound: permanent loss of CHA -3, carved up face
Lasting injury: -1 STR, mashed arm
Wound: Bad leg (-5’ MV)
Multiple Injuries: lost 20 teeth, drools a lot CHA -1
Serious Injury: Brain Drain -2 INT
Elapsed Campaign Time
341 days at beginning of session (also applies to recuperation)
Join us for session One-Hundred-and-Sixty when we ask the questions:
How the hell do we get outta here?
Less importantly, who the hell is Zardax?
Also, how the hell do we keep ending up in situations like this?
Tale of the Tape
KILLS
Optic patrol
Cat-elfs (ran away)
Giant silver wasp (ran away)
Extraterrestrial Ice ‘Elves’ of a lost epoch (10)
LOOT
150 gp
Black lotus flower in a glass tube
Scroll: Mass Morph
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